*Language not suitable for children*

It’s terrifying to watch someone you love fade away mentally.  If you have never experienced anything like it, then consider yourself truly blessed.

If you have, then you understand the gut wrenching stress and pain that comes with it.

I (April) spent years hoping and praying that Mom would get better.  There were days I thought my prayers were answered.

I would say, “Yes!  Thank you Jesus!  I knew this day would come!”

Have you ever had that conversation with yourself?

I would think, "Finally she’s back to normal!  She has to be … she’s talking and laughing again.  She’s up cleaning and making dinner.  Thank you, God!"

Then a week or so would go by and I realized ... Nope.  That was just a good week.

I (April) grew up knowing Mom before the bipolar disorder started to take over her life.  It was confusing for me to watch her change.  Amanda grew up with Mom's illness.  

No matter what, I believe you should never give up hope.  I’m talking about hope for yourself.  Otherwise, you will quickly lose yourself in their world.

You have to do everything you can to get into a good place.  Go grab a drink with friends, workout, go see a movie and laugh.  Be selfish and go do something that makes you feel good. Just GO!

I’m not saying to leave them if you think their life is in jeopardy, but get away enough to save your own life and sanity.

In this episode, we talk about some of Mom's strange behaviors and how we maneuvered around them.   She would take a handful of pills, get in the car to run errands and crash.  One day she picked Amanda up from a friends house and seemed totally fine.  All of a sudden,  Mom passed out at the wheel going 35 mph down the road with Amanda in the passenger seat.  Amanda wasn't old enough drive. 

Our dad had no other choice, but to lock her medicine up and not allow her to drive anymore.   You might think, "that settles that."  But, not when you're dealing with our Mom.  The hell if anyone was going to tell her how to live!

I got so mad at her.  I told her, "You better hope nothing happens to our dad (My step-dad/Amanda's dad).  Because if something does, I will send you back to the funny farm faster than you can light a cigarette. "

Dealing with this kind of shit is not for sissies.  You might disagree with me, but I think it’s okay to be pissed off at them.

I don’t mean get totally ugly with them like I did Mom.  But don’t hide your frustrations. What's that going to do for you?   

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