Of Course.. They Make Me Crazy!

Doing something a bit different. Awhile back I was a guest on Justine Carino’s podcast called Thoughts from The Couch. She was a recent guest of mine as well.

Justine is a licensed mental health therapist who interviewed me on what it means to stay resilient when it seems everyone else’s mental health around you is going to hell in a handbasket.

My hope is that you gain some positive perspective listening to what I went through and how I dealt with the ups and downs of being raised by a teenage mother who was later diagnosed with bipolar.

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IG @ofcoursetheymakemecrazy

April's Recommendation for Bipolar Support Books https://theymakemecrazy.club/bipolarb... Download April's 4 Sanity Saving Tips Guide to lift your mood & change your perspective. https://theymakemecrazy.club/Guide

 

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Justine Carino is joining Of Course, They Make Me Crazy host April Norris to talk about teens and young adults living with mentally ill parents.

Justine Carino is a licensed mental health counselor working in Westchester County New York. She also has a great podcast called Thoughts from The Couch.

April says, “We're discussing teens and young adults managing living with with a parent who has a mental health illness like bipolar or borderline personality disorder just to name a few. Before we get into that, Justine. Why did you get into your line of work?”

Justine answers saying, “I think there's probably two different layers to it. The first layer is I've always been really interested in why people do the things that they do, why they act the way they act, and the stories behind their lives and their choices. Everybody has a story. And once we start to learn that story, they make more sense to us. Right? Their decisions, the way they interact with their relationship styles makes so much more sense when we get to know their story. So, everyone has some kind of story. I'm so intrigued and interested in that. I think that was the first part of it. I started feeling that curiosity in high school. I took a Psychology 101 class as a senior. I loved it. In my mind, I thought  I'm going to be a psychiatrist. I went to college pre-med, and quickly dropped out of the pr-emed program because it was so scientific. It was so challenging. I cried before every test, I said, you know what? Let me still explore psychology in a different way. And I majored in psychology and went to graduate school to become a therapist after that. So, I had one route, but it turned to the other, and I've loved it.

And the other part of it is I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. I also come from a divorced family system. I think looking back also, I struggled with anxiety as a child and as an adult from time to time. But I think there's also some personal layers to the decision to choose this career.”

April says, “And what you're doing is now helping dysfunctional families essentially come back to each other. I think that that speaks volumes, and it's huge. And we need so many of you out there.”

April asks, “Regarding the teenagers you treat ... what is their biggest struggle? What do they come to you with?”

Justine replies, “The teenagers that I see that are seeking therapy, I treat mostly anxiety and depression. I also have a subspecialty in grief. I support teenagers that lost a mother or a father or a sibling. But also it comes down to family dynamics as well. I do a lot of family therapy. I'm looking at these unhelpful patterns between parents and teenagers that lead to conflict and kind of get them all in the room and unpack these patterns and understand why they're happening and what we can do to correct them. But when we're talking about a teenager that has a parent with a mental illness, there's another layer to it. They might be dealing with different family dynamics because of their parent’s mental illness. There are a few things that are really challenging. One is that there's a lot of feelings of shame and isolation, embarrassment and feelings of disconnection. When you have a parent with a mental illness, you may grow up with that mental illness, not really realizing that your parent was different in any way. But then there's this moment as a teenager, you start to explore, like, Wait a minute. This isn't so normal or something's a little off here. And once you discover that it's hard to share that with other people. As a teenager, as an adolescent, we are so insecure at a baseline, we don't want to be different. Being different is scary for a teenager at that time of development. When you have a parent who might be different in mental health perspective, it's hard to admit that and talk about it with your friends or your peer

I felt compelled to talk about dating or living with a spouse who has been diagnosed with bipolar because it comes up a lot in Bipolar Family Support groups.

I’m talking about this because there was a girl who recently posted in one of these groups about feeling upset and unsupported.

She said that when someone posts about the hard times they’re having with their boyfriend or girlfriend, everyone suggests just to run while you can! She went on to say she loves her boyfriend who has bipolar disorder very much. She doesn’t want to run. She wants to make it work and she’s looking for advice on how to cope during his bad days.

My heart went out to her.

I thought what if my stepfather just ran from my mom when she was having one of her depressive and narcotic episodes? If he didn’t stay, I can’t imagine what our lives would have been like. They would have been a mess. There’s something to be said for people like my pops. He saw passed her illness. They were married for 25 years. It was challenging, but they still held hands, talked, and ate dinner together. She passed away 5 years ago. We all miss her more than you can imagine.

Back to the Bipolar Support group. Many different comments started firing up after the girl posted that she felt unsupported. Many said they’re sorry. But one lady spent time on her response, and I want to share it with you. It said – “It is sad that everyone is telling you to run. I think I know why though. Every man in my family is/was manic bipolar. My grandpa, father, and brother. Since the day I was born I’ve learned how to deal with this manic behavior. In 2018 I ended my marriage, and in 2020 I started dating someone new. This person was manic, bipolar. It one day got pointed out to me by someone we were hanging out with, what a “great job” I do with this man, and how nobody else has ever been “able” to deal with his manic behavior. Then it hit me, I had been choosing to do what I was forced to do my entire life. Put me, my wants, my needs, my feelings in my pocket and tuck it away, because everything revolves around someone else and their behavior, their reactions. Your entire life is solely based on how someone is going to act and what can you do to avoid an episode, or how can you help. In time doing this will damage you. It will cause you to literally not care about or do anything for yourself, and what makes you happy. When you revolve your entire being around someone else’s behavior, you lose who you even are as a person. I never knew this. As I did it my entire life. Now my grandpa, and my dad have passed, my brother and I do not speak, and I ultimately broke up with the BF, and I sit back and realize so so much how damaging their behavior was in my life. Just because I know how to placate a situation and I know how to deal with out of control men, doesn’t mean I should have to. Doesn’t mean I should pick someone over me, doesn’t mean I should tuck my wants and needs away. You don’t realize how damaging dealing with people like that are to you. Now I feel like I push people away constantly, or I test them right off the bat to see how far they will go, and it’s not fair to people that I do that. It’s not fair to me that I do that. I literally have to unlearn all the toxic behaviors and try to let my guard down that I put up. People call me cold, that I don’t have a heart, because I have this hard exterior and literally got to the point that n

Ok, I’m going to share 4 Sanity Savings Tips for the Holidays, so you don’t lose your shit while trying to juggle buying presents while working, getting dinner prepared, and caring for your loved one with a mental illness!

For many of us, we’re excited about the holidays and the new year celebrations. A lot of you will be getting all gussied up to go to parties or have people over because we couldn’t really do that last year with covid.

But it can also be a tricky too, right? You’re cringing thinking, “Uncle Freaky Fred is coming over. God, he’s gross. I know he’s going to get drunk and say stupid shit. But I’m excited to hang with all my cousins.” Whatever your thought process is.

My name is April Norris.  I created the  podcast Of Course, They Make Me Crazy! It’s for those who love someone with a mental illness.

This time of year can be tricky for all of us.  There’s a lot of emotions floating around like pretty little snowflakes. But those snowflakes can turn into a blizzard – a shit storm.  

The holiday hustle and bustle can trigger those living with bipolar, schizophrenia and depression.

Many of you already know that I grew up with a bipolar mom addicted to pain pills.

She loved Christmas when I was younger. She would put the tree up early. It was decorated like something you would see in the Christmas Hallmark movies. All of us kids had to have the same number of gifts to open, and our presents looked like they were professionally wrapped. She beamed while baking and decorating Christmas cookies with us.

Then as she got sicker, her holiday sparkle dulled. Our full family tree was replaced with a tiny one because she didn’t have the energy to decorate anymore.  The worst part is she would become manic anticipating all of us coming home for the holidays. She wouldn’t sleep for days leading up to our arrival.

When we all got there, she would crash. One year she locked herself upstairs in a bedroom and didn’t come out at all, expect to kiss us goodbye. My brother and I came in from out of state. My dad had to take her up a plate of food. It was like feeding a bear, he placed the plate down and quickly closed the door so he wouldn’t get growled at.

It was confusing because I would have conversations with her on the phone prior thinking, “Mom sounds great. She’s alert and seems excited to see us. She might just have her Christmas spirit back this year.”

I always held onto hope.

To make matters worse because her nerves were on edge, she took more medication thinking that would help. And, that issue became a fight between her and my dad. Merry F-ing Christmas!

A National Alliance on Mental Illness  study shows 64% of people with a mental illness report holidays make their condition worse. 1 in 25 Americans lives with a serious mental illness.  That means there is added stress for all their family and friends. Their caregivers need support too! 

 

 

So, lets dive into these tips with jingle bells on!

Reminder, they don’t intend to hurt you even though it feels like it.

We all have emotions, but theirs are on another spectrum. Did my mom NOT come out of the bedroom because she hates her kids and wanted us to feel unloved? No.  We should remind ourselves that they’re experiencing extreme mood disorders. They’re struggling more with themselves than they are with you. They live in fear … so do we because we worry about them. They have  a lot of feelings around guilt, shame, and hopelessness. It’s not easy for any of us. Apply that old saying that works so well in this scenario… hurt p

I’m April Norris… Thank you for joining me on the podcast Of Course, They Make Me Crazy!

Last week author and comedian Dave Mowry joined me. He lives with bipolar disorder.

He wrote the book entitled OMG That’s Me! It blossomed from blog posts he wrote about him living with bipolar. He quickly gained a huge following. 

His mission in life is to use humor to tell his story and shatter the stigma by making it comfortable to talk about the uncomfortable.

If you listened to last week’s episode, you heard us mention that he trained other people struggling with mental illness to do stand-up comedy and that we were going to play some of their acts for you.

Well, that is what’s about to happen! Dave is from Portland and that is where they did their show.

I’m going to set the comedians up for you because many of you are listening instead of watching on Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube.

So, we’ll start with Dave himself. He has a line in his portion that says something like,  “Those of us with a mental illness even share a special handshake.”  What you won’t see … is him putting his hand out and making it tremble. You’ll have to envision that. It makes the joke!

Three very talented and brave women then follow Dave’s comedy act.

Margaret will kick off by talking about growing up with a mother who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She steps out on stage wearing a tiara on her head that she made. She teased that she suffers from PDQSD – Post Drama Queen Stress Disorder.

Second up is Maeve who works in the mental health field and lives with anxiety. She talks about being a lesbian too. She feels buying a girl a beer is cheaper than her therapy co-pay.

To round out all these talented folks is Lorayne. She’s an older lady who says she takes so many meds that she needs to take a med to help her to remember to take all of her other meds.

I’m so grateful to have found Dave and his quick-witted friends. When you think of the trials they have been through and then see them get up on stage to make light of them … to me it shows how strong they truly are.

Yes, they might struggle and probably have caused some scary scenarios for their loved ones! But how many of us could get up on stage and poke fun at our deepest pain?

Not many.

I hope you enjoy them as much as I have.

FYI - OMG That's Me! was named one of the best bipolar disorder books of all time by Book Authority. OMG 2 was released in September. OMG 3 will be out in December. You can get them on Amazon!

Hey There!

I’m April Norris. Thank you for joining me on the podcast Of Course, They Make Me Crazy!

Joining me is Dave Mowry. He lives with bipolar disorder. He’s been a businessman, a politician, a peer support specialist, and a millionaire who lost it all. He went from being homeless in 1997 for a year to now a best-selling author in 2021.

He’s also a comedian! 

His book is entitled OMG That's Me! It blossomed from blog posts he wrote about him living with bipolar. He quickly gained a huge following.  Many of his fans would write him and say, “Omg that’s me you’re talking about!” That’s when he knew he had to write a book.  

His mission in life is to use humor to tell his story and shatter the stigma by making it comfortable to talk about the uncomfortable.

He’s my kind of man!

In this episode you will learn a new perspective about those who live with bipolar. If you’re having hard time caring for a loved one with bipolar, please listen to this.  I know you need to laugh.  And I know you’re hurting, and your stomach is in knots, and you feel it’s just not possible. But if Dave can find a little humor in all his pain, so can you.  Laughing or even a little smile does your heart and soul good.

Truthfully, I teared up listening to him talk because I know my bipolar mom who died 5 years ago would have loved his sick sense of humor. She and my grandma both had a twisted sense of humor which is where I get it from. LOL!

I hope you enjoy this episode.  Dave has comedy acts that he emailed to me. If you like what you hear today … just know I will be uploading more of his comedy in a couple of days.

Dave has collaborated with international bestselling author Julie Fast on OMG That's Me! 2, and co-author of OMG That's Me! 3. So there’s more to come! Julie Fast was the original consultant for actress Claire Danes and her TV series Homeland on Showtime.

You contact Dave by going to davemowry.com.

Of Course, They Make Me Crazy Podcast host April Norris talks with Kyle Mitchell about teens struggling with social anxiety.

Kyle is a mental health advocate, speaker, podcast host, and social media influencer (@Social_Anxiety_Kyle) who is passionate about solving the problems associated with poor mental health in the world and the impact they have on our communities, especially teens and youth.

Having struggled and conquered his own social anxiety after a 10-year battle, he has found his calling and purpose to impact the lives of others on a global scale.

Kyle’s mission is to help 1 million teens go from socially anxious to socially confident, collaborating with teens, educators, parents, nonprofits, and other organizations to change the narrative and stigma that currently exists.

Kyle is a member of NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illnesses) Louisville and is a certified Ending the Silence Speaker for NAMI where he goes to schools and spreads his message about mental health.

He is very effective at connecting with his audience by being vulnerable and sharing the struggles he has had with his own mental health.

If you like this, please subscribe and leave a comment!

This is the second season Of Course, They Make Me Crazy! April is so excited to have wellbeing strategist and passionate mental health advocate Michelle E. Dickinson.

Michelle is a TEDx Speaker and a published author. She is also doing great work by partnering with different company leaders to bring them a psychological resilience program that she created. But April first wants to talk about why other people’s well-being is so important to Michelle.

It comes from Michelle being a caregiver to her bipolar mother.  That is also what her memoir entitled “Breaking Into My Life” is about.

April asks, “please tell us about your early life with your mom.”

Michelle starts by saying, “Life was this strain.  And maybe her past trauma caused my mom to start exhibiting signs of bipolar disorder. I guess at the age of four and on, I remember her starting to be manic. She would sit on the couch crying for hours. It was a bit of a roller coaster for me. As you might know as a child, the one thing we need is consistency and predictability and routine. And my mom was anything but consistent. I never knew the mother I would come home to. Some days she would be in a good mood. Some days she would be angry with me, and I didn't know why. But that shaped me because it taught me compassion. It also taught me firsthand what it's like to love someone and how punishing it can be to love someone with a mental illness. How we put our own needs on the back burner so that we can do whatever we can to keep peace in the home. And that was my life. That was my childhood, my young adult life, and even my adult life just trying to do what I can to help her.”

 

Michelle continued to explain after telling her story on the TEDx Stage she realized that something beautiful happens when telling your story.  That is what led her to write her memoir.

April asks, “How was living at home with her?”

Michelle responded by saying, “It was our job to keep peace in the home, walk on eggshells, not to get her upset, not create a nervous breakdown, to do whatever we needed to try to keep peace in the home. So, my needs would go by the wayside. And then I hit those rebellious teen years and that was a whole other can of worms.”

Michelle said her mom was emotionally and physically abusive to her. She harbored a lot of anger and resentment until she started working on herself.   

She went through clinical therapy and a lot of self-discovery work through Tony Robbins and Landmark.  

Michelle says, “I was able to reach a place of forgiveness and compassion. To try to step into what life would have been like for her to try to raise a daughter and navigate a mental illness. In the back of my book, there's an epilogue about how ultimately all of this now serves me in the work I do. But I couldn't see it for the longest time because I was so focused on the effects that her mental illness and her behavior was having on me. When you focus on the effects of that, there's no space for compassion or to try to understand what life is like for her.”

 

April added to what Michelle just explained.

 

April said, “Later in life I realized that my mom who was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder did the best that she was able to do at that time. She was doing the best that she was able to do at that moment. What they do has nothing to do with us even though it feels like it.”

April shared a story about how she drove 14 hours from Memphis, Tennessee to Cleveland, Ohio after working all week because her mom called her crying about how lonely she was.  And when April arrived her mom slept the entire. She only woke up to say goodbye. 

Michelle explained that story resonated with her because her mom did the same thing, &ld

Thank you for joining me for another episode on the podcast Of Course.. They Make Me Crazy!  

I’m the host & creator April Norris.   

Guess who is joining me again?! 

The one and only Dr. Daniel Lobel.  He’s back to talk more about Borderline Personality Disorder.  I wanted to have him on again because our first Borderline Personality Disorder conversation was downloaded the most of out of all the other episodes recorded this past year!  

I invited him back to help me close out SEASON ONE of this podcast. It’s the one-year anniversary on June 12, 2021!  Ironically, it will also be the 5th year anniversary of my mom’s death.  It’s ironic because I didn’t plan those dates. I believe it’s her way of saying – APRIL, I APPROVE! She is why I started this podcast for you.  

My mom, Joni suffered from Bipolar Disorder and other illnesses. It was magical growing up with her, but it could be miserable too.  However, even on her darkest days, she would give her last penny to anyone who needed it. She was giving and loving but her mental illness and pain pill addiction won out.   

My hope is our stories will help you know that you’re not alone when living or loving someone with a mental illness.  I say our stories because if Mom we’re alive, she would be by my side driving me fucking crazy but supporting this journey. My biggest regret is that I didn’t have the idea to do this while she was still here. 

I invited Dr. Lobel to join me because he’s spent nearly 30 years helping families who suffer from BPD. He’s written 2 books called When Your Daughter Has BPD and When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder. He has a 3rd book coming out in January available on Amazon titled Stop Walking on Eggshells for Parents: How to Help Your Child with Borderline Personality Disorder Without Losing Yourself. 

I also wanted to invite him on because of a “somewhat negative” email I got a few weeks ago referring to the first BPD episode we did nearly a year ago.  

Our conversation kicks off with what she wrote. 

She wrote:   

I felt compelled to reach out and let you know that I really wish you’d have treated the BPD episode with compassion. I have BPD because of complex PTSD due persistent childhood trauma. My mother has dissociative identity disorder and was in a mental institution the majority of my early life. And I have a father who was too preoccupied to give a dang about the emotional needs of his kids. I never had a chance to develop a healthy sense of self. No one was available to teach me to relate to others in a healthy way. How about you talk about that on your show? That those who have BPD probably ended up with it from some sort of childhood trauma and that we should treat them with kindness, respect, and compassion. Everyone deserves that, right? Even those with BPD.  

Not cool, guys.  

It ends there.  

It’s never our intent to disrespect anyone.  

Dr. Lobel addresses her email but more importantly some of the issues surrounding her situation. One being defragmentation of identity.  He explains how someone can start to detach from their identity and start forming other identities to help them cope from the current abusive situation their in.   

You will find t

Hey There,  

Thank you for joining me on the podcast Of Course.. They Make Me Crazy!  

I’m April Norris.  

Coming up on June 12th will be the one-year anniversary of this podcast. That’s crazy to me! Strangely, June 12th will also be the 5th anniversary of my mom, Joni’s death, which is also crazy to me!

It’s crazy to me because I don’t remember launching this podcast specifically on that date on purpose. So, I messaged my sister, Amanda to see if she remembers us doing that on purpose or if it’s just a coincidence. She doesn’t remember either.  Good God!  It’s only been one-year and we can’t remember.

When I first started this, she was on helping me out by sharing our family stories too.  When I got the nudge in my soul to start this podcast, I called her and said, “Hey, I have all these little stories written down about our crazy family stories. I’m starting a podcast and you’re going to be my sidekick. Don’t worry, I’ll do all the work. You come along and add perspective and what you remember. And we’re recording in 2 days.”

She was like, ok.  That was a big deal because Amanda is shy. We’re 10 years apart and total opposites.  She had fun though.  We live in different time zones and have different schedules, so I went solo.  

Anyway, seeing that the podcast launch date is also the date of my mom’s death sort of creeped me out a bit. In a good way! The universe works in mysterious way.  

Many of you already know that I started this podcast in my mom’s honor.  She grew up with an alcoholic dad who left his six kids and wife for a man he met at a nudist beach. Her mom lost it after that and went down a dark path of popping pills. My mom got pregnant with me at 15.5 years old with a physically abusive boyfriend. And the doctor that delivered me essentially became her drug dealer.  He gave her almost every addictive narcotic on the market to help her deal.   

With all that, she was an amazing mom.  But that trauma caught up with her.  Her mind and body broke down. She was diagnosed with bipolar. She stopped taking care of herself. The only thing she cared about was taking pills in hopes of not feeling the pain and sadness as much.  

I felt her story needed to be told.  And, that my story growing up with her needed to be told too. Hoping our stories resonate with you and in some strange way help you.           

Have you seen the movie, Hillbilly Elegy?  It’s based off of J.D. Vance’s memoir. It’s about the hard times of him growi