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In this episode, we dive into the conflict between wants and needs—a dynamic that significantly impacts how physicians manage their time, energy, and priorities. Inspired by insights from The Gap Versus the Gain by Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy, Megan unpacks why physicians often prioritize external demands over their own personal goals and desires.

Key Topics Discussed:

1. The Conflict Between Needs and Wants

Physicians are highly trained to respond to external drivers and prioritize others' needs, often at the expense of their own.

• Common examples include:
  • Completing patient notes and addressing inbox messages.
  • Managing the tension between doing work efficiently versus meeting perfectionistic expectations.

2. Why Change Feels Difficult

The brain is wired to focus on survival and external validation, not personal desires like more free time or less stress.

• Many physicians are conditioned to value perfection and external praise, which reinforces time-consuming habits.

3. Three Steps to Align with Your Wants:

• Step 1: Clarify the Value of Your Goal
  • Ask: Why do I want this? (e.g., to avoid late nights finishing notes, reduce stress, or be present with family).
  • Write down at least 20 reasons to connect emotionally with the goal.
• Step 2: Identify Deep-Seated Beliefs
  • Explore beliefs about what is “necessary” in your work, such as writing perfect notes or avoiding mistakes at all costs.
  • Challenge whether those beliefs truly serve you.
• Step 3: Bridge the Gap
  • Compare your list of wants to the obstacles in your way.
  • Take small, measurable steps toward progress and celebrate those wins.

4. Practical Applications:

• Understand the difference between doing something “good enough” versus striving for perfection.
• Focus on incremental changes, like finishing one note before moving on to the next task or closing mental loops at the end of the day.
• Use this process for bigger goals like reducing administrative burdens or transitioning to a more fulfilling career.

Takeaways:

• Recognize that your training predisposes you to prioritize others’ needs—but embracing your own wants is essential for your well-being.
• By shifting your mindset and making small, consistent changes, you can free yourself from overwhelm and reclaim your time.
• Progress is not linear, and setbacks are normal—but each step forward is a win worth celebrating.

Resources & Mentions:

• The Gap Versus the Gain by Dan Sullivan & Dr. Benjamin Hardy PhD

Thank you for tuning in! Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review. Until next time, take care.

Connect with Dr. Megan Melo:

• Website: www.healthierforgood.com
• Instagram: @MeganMeloMD
• Email: [email protected]

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Send us a text

In this episode, we dive into the pervasive challenge of managing the harsh inner critic many women physicians face. We explore the origins of this critical voice, how it develops, and its impact on our lives. Let’s also talk about compassionate strategies to identify, understand, and quiet this inner critic, so you can learn to live life with less negative noise.

Key Takeaways:

Understanding the Inner Critic

• Origins:
  • Often rooted in societal expectations to excel and please others, reinforced from childhood through adulthood.
  • Influenced by environments that equated worthiness with achievement, perfection, and making others happy.
• Behaviors and Patterns:
  • Turns leisure activities into measurable achievements.
  • Critiques rest and relaxation as laziness, perpetuating burnout and overwork.
  • Mirrors external voices like strict authority figures, internalized as self-judgment.

Why It’s Harmful:

• Keeps high achievers in a cycle of overwork and self-criticism.
• Prevents true rest, joy, and connection with oneself and others.
• Leads to feelings of inadequacy and perpetuates burnout.

Strategies for Taming the Inner Critic:

1. Recognize and Name the Critic:
   • Identify the inner voice as separate from yourself.
   • Give it a name to acknowledge when it’s active (e.g., “The Judge” or “The Boss”).
2. Understand Its Intentions:
   • Reflect on what the inner critic is trying to achieve.
   • Recognize that, while misguided, it believes it’s helping you succeed.
3. Compassionately Shift Its Role:
   • Accept that this part of you exists but doesn’t have to lead.
   • “Move it to the back seat” by listening without allowing it to dictate actions.
   • Practice self-empathy and reframe thoughts as opinions, not truths.
4. Reimagine Success Without the Critic:
   • Visualize a life where the critic isn’t in control—where rest, joy, and imperfection are part of your journey.

Mentioned Resources:

• Books and Concepts:
  • Internal Family Systems Therapy by Richard Schwartz.
  • Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine.

Invitation to Join Unbound:

Are you a woman physician battling burnout, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or a lack of boundaries? Join Megan’s transformative program, Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming Their Lives.

Enrollment Deadline: December 13, 2024
Next Session Starts: March 2025 (don’t wait!)

Unbound offers a supportive community and actionable tools to reclaim joy and balance.

Connect with Megan:

• Website: www.healthierforgood.com
• Program Info: Click here

Let’s work together to quiet the inner critic and create a life filled with joy, rest, and purpose.

Thank you for tuning in! Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review. Until next time, take care.

Connect with Dr. Megan Melo:

• Website: www.healthierforgood.com
• Instagram: @MeganMeloMD
• Email: [email protected]

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Send us a text

In this episode of Ending Physician Overwhelm, we dive deep into the real reasons behind our struggles with setting boundaries as physicians. It’s not just about finding time for lunch or stepping away from work—it’s about uncovering the deeply ingrained patterns and thoughts that keep us stuck in cycles of guilt, overwhelm, and exhaustion.

Dr. Melo shares personal anecdotes, like the untouched chocolate croissant that became a symbol of her overcommitment (or maybe just anxiety?), and offers insights into why we often put ourselves last. 

If you’ve ever wondered why you can’t seem to take a break, even when you know you need one, this episode will resonate deeply.

Key Takeaways from This Episode:

• The Root of the Problem: Why our medical training pushes us to override basic needs like eating, resting, and hydrating, and how this creates patterns of burnout.
• Thoughts Drive Actions: How subconscious thoughts like “I can’t stop until everything is done” create feelings of guilt and anxiety that keep us trapped in overwork.
• Breaking the Cycle: The importance of recognizing and challenging conditioned beliefs to reclaim your time, energy, and well-being.
• A Personal Story: Dr. Melo’s own experience of ignoring her hunger for years while navigating inboxes and patient demands—and the lessons she’s learned since.
• The Path to Change: Why curiosity, awareness, and discomfort are essential to breaking free from the patterns that hold you back.

Listener Reflection Questions:

1. Do you find it hard to stop and take a break during the day? What thoughts or feelings come up when you try?
2. What “rules” or beliefs about work might be driving your exhaustion or guilt?
3. How might starting small—like honoring your hunger or taking a 10-minute breather—create space for bigger shifts in your life?

Resources and Next Steps:

• Join the Community: If you're ready to dive deeper into this transformative work, consider joining Dr. Melo’s group, Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming Their Lives. Spots may still be open for December 2024—reach out to learn more!
• One-on-One Coaching: Work with Dr. Melo directly to identify and change the patterns that are keeping you stuck.
• Stay Connected: Follow the podcast and sign up for updates to hear about future group offerings and coaching opportunities.

Episode Inspiration:
“The healthcare system is broken. But waiting for it to change isn’t the answer. When we work on our thoughts, feelings, and actions, we reclaim our power and start living in alignment with what truly matters.” – Dr. Megan Melo

Connect with Dr. Megan Melo:

• Website: www.healthierforgood.com
• Instagram: @MeganMeloMD
• Email: [email protected]

This episode will inspire and challenge you to get curious, get uncomfortable, and start making the changes that will truly set you free. Tune in now!

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Send us a text

In this episode, I explore the concept of Human Giver Syndrome, a term coined by Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, in their groundbreaking book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. This deeply ingrained societal expectation pressures women—especially women physicians—to be endlessly selfless, cheerful, and giving, often at the expense of their own well-being.

Many of us have experienced pushback for being “too negative” or “not a teamplayer” when we’ve tried to meet our own needs. Today we unpack three specific ways Human Giver Syndrome shows up in the lives of women physicians: the silencing of your voice, the invisible labor of emotional support, and the relentless drive to be “perfectly” selfless. Finally, we envision what life could look like if you broke free from these expectations.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• What Human Giver Syndrome is, as defined by Emily and Amelia Nagoski in Burnout.
• How this toxic expectation impacts women physicians and contributes to burnout.
• Three ways it shows up in your life—and how to recognize the patterns.
• Your plan for breaking free of Human Giver Syndrome; there’s hope!

Resources Mentioned:

• Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming Their Lives
  If you’re ready to break free from burnout and reclaim your life, check out Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming Their Lives. This transformative coaching program is tailored specifically for women physicians, helping you rewrite the narrative of self-sacrifice and step into a life of fulfillment and joy.
  👉 Learn more here: Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming Their Lives
• Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA
  This must-read book introduces the concept of Human Giver Syndrome and provides science-backed tools to complete the stress cycle and combat burnout.

Link to Register for Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives

https://www.healthierforgood.com/offers/azBmHaNZ

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Send us a text

Connection is something most of us are lacking. Which is weird, because most of us are surrounded by people daily.

But it’s not just people that give you connection. It’s being able to show up, be yourself, ask for help, be vulnerable, and support others that creates connection.

We need a balance of give and take. Period. And most of us aren’t getting that, but we need that. If you are lacking this in your life, struggling as a women physician, and wanting more connection, Unbound is for you.

Join us in Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives. This group, exclusive to women physicians (MD, DO or MBBS), starts December 1, 2024, and it’s your opportunity to move ideas that we talk about on this podcast into your life. Out of your head, into your life. Together. 

The doors are open now for registration AND, shout out to my friend, the amazing Dr Rachel Rubin, who asked me to add a buddy option. As in, bring along another woman physician and get special savings. Such a great idea!

Link to Register for Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives

https://www.healthierforgood.com/offers/azBmHaNZ

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Send us a text

How do we take care of ourselves when we have BIG feelings, when we are used to taking care of everyone else.

I’m not talking politics today, though I acknowledge that I, and many of you, have some big emotions right now, which are not limited to disappointment, but too numerous to mention.

If you struggle with hard times, like most humans do, this is one to lean into. I’m sharing how to hold on to hope, acknowledge the feelings, and take care of yourself through the feelings.

This is big work my friends. But it’s important. We will always hit major challenges; the question is who do we want to be, how do we want to be in these moments?

I’m also thrilled to announce the start of a new group coaching program, Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives. This group, exclusive to women physicians (MD, DO or MBBS), starts December 1, 2024, and it’s your opportunity to move ideas that we talk about on this podcast into your life. Out of your head, into your life. Together. 

The doors are open now for registration AND, shout out to my friend, the amazing Dr Rachel Rubin, who asked me to add a buddy option. As in, bring along another woman physician and get special savings. Such a great idea!

Link to Register for Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives

https://www.healthierforgood.com/offers/azBmHaNZ

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Send us a text

Feeling a bit fiery today, but I want you to sit with this one.

I am done believing that I should look, work or speak a certain way, based on internalized norms passed down from generations of patriarchy in medicine. I don’t want to practice that way, I don’t want to speak that way, and I don’t want to receive my care that way. 

But in order for us to change the dynamic, WE are going to need to show up differently, and ASK for things we’ve not asked for.

I’m also thrilled to announce the start of a new group coaching program, Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives. This group, exclusive to women physicians (MD, DO or MBBS), starts December 1, 2024, and it’s your opportunity to move ideas that we talk about on this podcast into your life. Out of your head, into your life. Together. 

The doors are open now for registration AND, shout out to my friend, the amazing Dr Rachel Rubin, who asked me to add a buddy option. As in, bring along another woman physician and get special savings. Such a great idea!

Link to Register for Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives

https://www.healthierforgood.com/offers/azBmHaNZ

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Send us a text

What happens when you clean up other people’s messes?

They don’t get to solve the problem (and learn)

They don’t get to experience the consequences (and learn)

You feel exhausted, and internalize that you SHOULD be the one who fixes ALL the problems.

In today’s episode, I’m going to walk through what this can look like, and invite you to think about these challenges differently. You are such a good problem solver. And there are some problems that truly only you can solve. But it’s easy to believe that you are the only path to a solution, and that is not tenable.

I’m also thrilled to announce the start of a new group coaching program, Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives. This group, exclusive to women physicians (MD, DO or MBBS), starts December 1, 2024, and it’s your opportunity to move ideas that we talk about on this podcast into your life. Out of your head, into your life. Together. 

The doors are open now for registration AND, shout out to my friend, the amazing Dr Rachel Rubin, who asked me to add a buddy option. As in, bring along another woman physician and get special savings. Such a great idea!

Link to Register for Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives

https://www.healthierforgood.com/offers/azBmHaNZ

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Send us a text

Ok, who else here likes to feel in control? Likes it too much, I mean. As in, tries to take control of every situation and then wonders why she feels so stressed, tight and yell-y.

Today I’m talking about the idea that you can have complete control or complete freedom, but not both. Although this too is an illusion because we can’t actually control much of what we try to control. We can have rules and structure and try to manipulate people and situations, but we don’t actually succeed. We just mostly alienate people and give ourselves a headache.

Let’s talk about moving ourselves along the spectrum towards more freedom, flexibility, relaxation, and what that brings to the table.

I’m also thrilled to announce the start of a new group coaching program, Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives. This group, exclusive to women physicians (MD, DO or MBBS), starts December 1, 2024, and it’s your opportunity to move ideas that we talk about on this podcast into your life. Out of your head, into your life. Together. 

The doors are open now for registration AND, shout out to my friend, the amazing Dr Rachel Rubin, who asked me to add a buddy option. As in, bring along another woman physician and get special savings. Such a great idea!

Link to Register for Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives

https://www.healthierforgood.com/offers/azBmHaNZ

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Send us a text

Trauma responses are very real, and very challenging for us as humans.

Especially if you are judging yourself for experiencing them.

Today I am talking about how trauma shows up in our lives, including in ourselves and people around us. We’ll talk about seeing trauma as “too much, too fast,” and often with too little support/resources, and the ways that can manifest in your life.

As promised, here are some resources that you can explore:

• EMDR and Brain-Spotting are 2 therapeutic modalities, commonly performed by trained Therapists that help to get to wiring in the sympathetic nervous system, and help to dampen these responses to triggers.

• Irest (https://shop.irest.org/) and Yoga Nidra (find many versions of this online) are other somatic therapies that can be helpful to address sympathetic nervous system over-activation, and help people to heal. https://shop.irest.org/

• Internal Family Systems (“parts” work) is a talk-therapy modality that explores why different parts of us “take over,” in response to events, and can be very helpful for trauma.

• Friend of the show and past guest, Dr Christy Gibson (Episode 120, June 8 2024 “Is Burnout Really Trauma”), also has a wonderful book, “The Modern Trauma Toolkit,” where she shares helpful resources and practices, including havening, which can be used for brief and rapid intervention,  including in the middle of a busy day. Here’s our episode: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1957629/episodes/15135760

Each of us can develop recurrent trauma responses related to the very real experience of caring for ailing humans with too little resources (too little back-up, support staff, equipment, rest/breaks, etc). Let go of judgment, and get the help that you need to feel healed.

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.