Enneagram and Marriage

One of the key factors that will determine how healthy you are in your marriage is and will always be working with your attachment styles and responses to threats and triggers. Yet the typical attachment wiring labels (secure, disorganized, anxious, withdrawing, and more) also need more fleshing out as well as acceptance, for each part of you has a role to fulfill to protect you and make you feel safe. As we open the new year, Christa is joined by Dr. Anita Kuhnly (Baker Books, The Four Relationship Styles) as she walks us through the four styles, helping you to walk through stumbling blocks to safety in finding your deepest love. Watch on YouTube:

👩‍🚒a Firefighter w/ a depth of character not easily won, 🕵️‍♂️ an investigator w/ superior, analytical skills, 👮‍♀️ a competent & independent security guard, 👨‍👨‍👦‍👦 or a networker, who thrives on connection? Dr. Anita helps us to know that every style comes w/strengths & vulnerabilities and yet  understanding the practical implications is a game changer & can help you spend more time at the top of your game.

Order her pre-bonuses here: https://dranitakuhnley.com/products/pre-order-a-signed-copy-of-the-four-relationship-styles-how-attachment-theory-can-help-you-in-your-search-for-lasting-love

Dr. Anita's Instagram page, The Empathic Counselor https://www.instagram.com/the.empathetic.counselor/

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When it comes to personal and marriage growth this 2024, it's helpful to have not only a type-finding tool like the Enneagram but a trait finder like the most empirically scientifically studied personality test, the Big Five, to go along with it. Let Christa guide you on a relationship-based Big Five convo as you find out how you score on Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism scales, and allow yourself to come into some refined New Year's learning with us as you do! Watch on YouTube!

Take the Big 5 Personality Test here! https://www.truity.com/test/big-five-personality-test?ver=control

Get signed up for the Enneagram in Marriage 5 Week Course right here! https://enneagramandmarriage.myflodesk.com/dsn5x683vo

Read Christa's Substack on Openness here!

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When any one of your SP (self-preserving), SX (sexual), and SO (social) instincts is taking over, you'll find yourselves in a sad or collapsing marriage state, maybe even metaphorically dying as a couple. Couples who want to grow and thrive need to use thinking skills also as well as to distinguish feelings versus just using automatic responses. In this final episode of the year, join Christa in walking you through the rubble to hope on the other side with tips and tactics for finding your deep love again. Watch on YouTube here!

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Author Scott Kedersha, Enneagram 3 (3-9 pairing) is not only a fellow Baker author with Christa but also the long-standing marriage pastor at Harris Creek Baptist Church out of Waco, TX. His conversations with couples over the last seventeen years have led him to understand the biggest themes in marriage issues also involve a lack of vulnerability and prayer in marriage. In fact, he's discovered that couples who pray together have unparalelled commitment and a far less drastic divorce rate, which is fascinating to hear about as he shares with us today. But what if we don't feel safe? What if we manipulate in prayer? Today we discuss this and so much more today with you in this special Christmas episode! 

https://www.amazon.com/Ready-Knot-Prayer-Guide-Prayers-ebook/dp/B0BVZYMZ7F?ref_=ast_author_dpttps://www.scottkedersha.com/

Hardcover:

https://www.amazon.com/Ready-Knot-Prayer-Guide-Prayers/dp/1540902870/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Visit Scott's website here!

www.Scottkedersha.com

For all of your relationship needs, visit www.EnneagramandMarriage.com

 

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Every personality type in marriage DESPERATELY needs compassion and kindness if they expect the marriage to be joyful, yet kindness and compassion look different across personality types. Since each has a different main emotional and mental struggle, today on this E + M mini, Christa walks you through a baseline and type-by-type reminder of how you can stay strong yet kind and deeply joyful this holiday. For all, there are important and specific steps to add more kindness and compassion as well as to avoid criticism and complaining over the holidays, so you can get the fun moving forward. Take a deep breath and tune into this shortie episode as many times as you need for a much-needed holiday boost! Watch on YouTube here!

Marriage gift ideas mentioned in the episode here:

Use the code HUNDRED here for $100 our 5 session course with Christa in Jan here! https://www.enneagraminyourmarriage.com/thecourse/p/glow

Use the code HALFOFFHOLIDAY at www.suppersleuths.com for a fun mystery party game with your friends and family this holiday season!

Visit www.EnneagramandMarriage.com for all your relationship needs!

 

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Giving space for suffering and holding space for one another, as well as working through life and generational trauma in marriage are essential practices for long-term couples. Almost everyone has been through something hard or incapacitating by the time they are married for any number of years. Today Christa is joined by the esteemed Dr. Dan Allender and Becky Allender, co-founders of The Seattle School/The Allender Center, who in their 8-9 pairing have helped hundreds of thousands of people to overcome issues of trauma of all kinds. They share tips in general and reveal some of their own restorative narratives in their marriage, as well as how to suffer alongside each other and address one's own trauma triggers, which are especially helpful when contempt arises. Dan has authored Healing the Wounded Heart, The Cry of the Soul, and more and Becky has authored Hidden in Plain Sight: One Woman's Search for Identity, Intimacy, and Calling. Together they also offer marriage retreat intensives, courses, and more! Watch on YouTube here!

The Allender Center specializes in training pastors, therapists, group leaders, lay counselors, and community and business leaders to understand their own stories to more deeply enter the lives of those they are called to love and serve. We come alongside to equip and develop skills for wading into the difficult waters of heartache, trauma, and abuse.

Find their resources, books, and marriage retreat info here. https://theallendercenter.org/

Find Dan's podcast here!

Use the code ENNEAGRAM15 to get 15% off of one of their marriage video courses here!

To work through your relationship needs, make sure to visit www.EnneagramandMarriage.com 

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Relationships are all about learning to connect, challenge, and adapt to one another’s gifts and ways of thriving in the world. When we are no longer thriving in our instincts, but over-or-under usng them, our spouse or partner tends to feel incompatibility with us and our inflexible behaviors do not bring us the joy they promise. We are no longer seen as comforting, fun, adaptive, and expansive but rigid and cut off from growth - a major turnoff for partnerships. Tune into this E + M-mini as Christa shares the subtle and not so subtle ways your self-preservation, sexual, and social instincts can flare up in a relationship and cost you everything - as well as how you can turn that around for good! Watch on YouTube!

Grab the book today on our special sale!!

For all of your relationship resources, visit www.enneagramandmarriage.com

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The number one question Christa has been getting on her podcast tour has been about partner compatiblity. Why does it feel like partner incompatibility often only grows with time in marriage? What can you do when the years have disconnected you? How can you prevent rigidity in personality structure from leading to the perceived incompatibility in relationship that many divorcing couples cite? Listen or watch along on YouTube as Christa helps you to discover not only what draws you apart, but also what brings you together in fidelity, love and purpose, type by type. 

Get enrolled in the 5 week relationship course now! Use code DAYSEVEN for half off! https://enneagramandmarriage.myflodesk.com/dsn5x683vo

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When Ebenezer Scrooge is hit with the alarming totality of death in a fever-dream like observation of his past, present, and future, he is awakened to the magnificent springboard of joy that comes with the awareness of all the good one can still do in the world with and for others. You too, as you look deeply at your life with us in this episode, can view your past, your present, and your future with intention and intentionality. Join us in this fun episode where Christa coaches you into daring to push past fear and into more light and life-giving love together. Watch episode on YouTube!

You'll also learn a bit about the past, present, and future Enneagram stances in the glossary of her new book "The Enneagram in Marriage", and as illustrated through the life of Dickens', "A Christmas Carol" so well! Get her book here on sale using the code (time is running out for the code EMPOD40 at Baker Book House!) here!

Catch all of our blogs and goodies at www.EnneagramandMarriage.com and make sure you're on our email list for all the SALES!

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In this two-for-one episode, you get a chance to first learn soul care from coaching duo Travis and Jessica Vangsnes (8-4 pairing), who are both trauma-informed E + M Certified Coaches with skills in emotional intimacy building. First, take a deeper dive into what soul care is and how you can attune with yourself in the heart, mind, and body individually and together with these trauma-informed expert coaches who help us through integrating contemplative prayer practices and ideas for each of us on the journey to healthier soul care.    In the second episode of this DOUBLE EPISODE series (TIMESTAMP: 47:00) we gain insight together into how men can realistically excavate their emotional landscape in marriage better with Travis. Along with all the resources and tips you glean today, don't forget to sign up for their soul care online FREE retreat soon! Sign up at the link here for Travis and Jess' Dec 10th FREE Virtual event; Shiny Eyes and the Care of the Soul https://www.eventbrite.com/e/shiny-eyes-and-the-care-of-the-soul-tickets-764877979627    PODCAST LINKS   Enneagram and Soul Care Guided PACE Coaching https://guidedpace.com/coaching/   Shiny Eyes Retreats https://guidedpace.com/retreats/   Shiny eyes book https://www.amazon.com/Shiny-Eyes-Seeing-Better-Through-ebook/dp/B09KMKKQR3/ref=sr_1_1?crid=27SICCYRYUISS&keywords=shiny+eyes+book&qid=1701118895&sprefix=shiny+eyes+boo%2Caps%2C291&sr=8-1   Link for Dec 10th free Virtual event; Shiny Eyes and the Care of the Soul https://www.eventbrite.com/e/shiny-eyes-and-the-care-of-the-soul-tickets-764877979627   Facebook @Shinyeyesretreat  https://www.facebook.com/shinyeyesretreat?mibextid=LQQJ4d   Men and Emotional Health   Shiny eyes book https://www.amazon.com/Shiny-Eyes-Seeing-Better-Through-ebook/dp/B09KMKKQR3/ref=sr_1_1?crid=27SICCYRYUISS&keywords=shiny+eyes+book&qid=1701118895&sprefix=shiny+eyes+boo%2Caps%2C291&sr=8-1   Travis' blog stainedglasseyes.com   Facebook @Shinyeyesretreat  https://www.facebook.com/shinyeyesretreat?mibextid=LQQJ4d   Get the Enneagram in Marriage: Your Guide to Thriving Together in Your Unique Pairing right here for your loved ones this Christmas on sale!   Find our new Substack right here!   Be sure to visit www.EnneagramandMarriage.com for all of your relationship needs.

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