My guest this week in Dr. David Richo, who was on the podcast before back in 2018 when we talked about mindfulness in relationships. This time we were focusing on his new book, Triggers: How to Stop Reacting and Start Healing (affiliate link). It’s a great guide for how to use your emotional reactions when you’re triggered as the starting point for identifying and resolving the underlying issues.

One of the things I love most about Dave’s approach is how he doesn’t pretend there’s some trick or technique that’s going to take away your difficult emotions or make life a breeze. He’s honest about the challenges all of us will face, and how accepting those challenges is the path toward becoming a full-fledged adult.

I especially want to draw your attention in this episode to Dave’s encouragement to make a commitment to working on yourself when you’re triggered, rather than blaming others or assuming the problem is with them. I’m thinking about this a lot more in my own closest relationships since Dave and I spoke, especially in my marriage, and trying to remember to be curious about my reaction instead of focusing on my feeling of hurt or injustice. As Dave and I discuss, there’s true freedom to be found in that approach, and it lets us let go of so much unnecessary tension in our relationships.

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