John is off finding himself in some wild west town or some bullshit, so staff writer Zach Milkis and fellow book enthusiast joins Kate this week. They talk “Deadgar Weekend” (™ John)  and try to wrest a tiny bit of joy out of what was truly a remarkable suckfest, with mixed results. Speaking of suckfests, Zach and Kate revisit their Curse of the Amazon and ponder if that's the reason for the Mariners' recent struggles. They also make fun of Parker Bridwell’s name for a while, because you make fun of things so they can't hurt you, and discuss the Orioles series, which was...a win? We guess?

The duo take a moment out to appreciate the Mariners' women in baseball night, and then look over the upcoming series. Hint: here be dragons. But there might be good things coming in Haniger's return (which might mean bad things for Ben Gamel), Marco Gonzales might be fun, and Emilio Pagan (aka Zach's homeboy) definitely is.

Other topics include: book shaming, Matt Christopher, the potential for a Mark Twain/Joyce Carol Oates twitter takedown, and how Jerry Dipoto might sign a ten-foot alligator (only if it had options, natch.)

For some reason, Kate discusses the 1995 film Showgirls on not one, but multiple occasions.

Music: "Fuego," Bomba Estereo; "We Can Work It Out," Stevie Wonder; "If There’s A Hell Below (We’re All Gonna Go)," Curtis Mayfield