Time and energy are two of our most valuable resources. When we say yes to too many extra activities, we deplete the limited supply available to us. This leaves little for our kids, spouse, family, friends and ourselves. When time and energy are given away too frequently, one of the first things to suffer is our health. We end up with not enough time to work out, not enough time to cook dinner, not enough energy to go for a walk and not enough energy to meal prep and plan. When an extra activity is soul filling, exciting or builds us up, a “Yes” can be good. But we often say “Yes” when the answer should be “No”. Michael Hyatt, a leadership mentor, writes about this in his blog “5 Reasons You Need to Get Better at Saying No”. He shares a quote from How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty by Patti Breitman and Connie Hatch.

“Out of guilt or fear of confrontation, we take on more projects, invest in someone else’s priorities… In the process, we dissipate our most valuable personal resources—time, energy, and money—on things that aren’t important to us. Each time we agree to something without enthusiasm or interest, we waste a little more of these precious resources.”

In order to assess when it’s the right time to say no, therapist Alena Gerst, LCSW offers the following suggestions:

1. Check in with your body – Do a gut check of how does this decision feel.

2. Ask yourself this question – “Do I really want to do this?"

3. Take time before answering – Have a sentence that you can always come to, such as “let me think about it” or “thank you for thinking of me, I’ll get back to you”

4. Start by saying no to little things – Practice saying “No”.

5. Don't give elaborate excuses – People don’t necessarily want or need your excuses.

Today I interview my friend and neighbor Michelle Debevec, a happily married, full time working mother of 3 active children about why she declared this “The Year of “No”.

Michelle realized that volunteering at school, being on committees and feeling guilty for utilizing the flexible schedule she has at work was leaving her with little to no time for the things that filled her heart.

She describes herself as a people pleaser, someone who doesn’t want to hurt feelings or rock the boat by saying “No”. She was saying “Yes” to too many things, robbing herself of time and energy to do the things she really wanted to do. She needed to learn to say “No”. Michelle found that by declaring a “Year of No” the pressure was off of her to feel like she needed an excuse to say “no”. She could say yes if it was something she really wanted to do but she was able to say a hard “No” and mean it.

10 years from now, when she looks back, it won’t be a committee meeting or work schedule she will remember. It will be the discussions around the dinner table and the activities with her family she (and her kids) will remember. Of course she will also remember laugh-till-you-cry times with wonderful neighbors.

Resources:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553804987//ref=cm_sw_su_dp?tag=mhyatt-20

The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes by William Ury (Author)

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/why-saying-no-is-necessary-for-good-health

https://michaelhyatt.com/5-reasons-why-you-need-to-get-better-at-saying-no/

http://amzn.com/0767903803/?tag=mhyatt-20How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty by Patti Breitman and Connie Hatch.