everyday compassion with Henny Flynn

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Of all the podcast episodes I’ve recorded so far - and there are over 50 of them now - the most listened to is the one with Lucy Cowan on Grief, Compassion & Recovery.

Lucy is a trained Grief Recovery practitioner and I came across her at a time when several dear friends were each facing into their own grief. The timing, of course, was no coincidence, and the conversation with Lucy has been immensely helpful, not just to me personally but to so many people who’ve listened.

The important thing here is that Lucy wasn’t promising an ENDING of the feelings of GRIEF, but rather a way of being with what IS.

What Eckhart Tolle calls the ISness in his profound books the Power of Now and Stillness Speaks.

At the time of being surrounded by loved ones experiencing their own ISness, I wrote an entry in my journal about how it is to support others when they are going through times of pain.

As with all my journal entries - and with everything personal I share here - this is not intended to be ‘an answer’ - every grief, every relationship, every person is perfectly and beautifully unique.

What it is is a personal reflection that may spark reflections for you too.

It’s titled, simply, DAY 419 - and I share it on the episode.

Many of my journal entries are accompanied by letters to My Darling Girl. These are pieces of prose or poetryish - some of which are now gathered in a collection called, appropriately, My Darling Girl.

At first I thought they were love letters written to my inner self - but now I realise they are written to all the girls & women we have ever been. 

This one caught my eye as I was preparing this episode. At the time I wrote it, it meant something very different to me.

But, as I’ve realised from the many many messages I’ve received from people who’ve read My Dar

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What are you holding onto that you no longer truly need?

This is a question we can all ask ourselves - it's one I'm facing into right now, in a practical way, as we prepare to move home. And there's a powerful metaphor here of what are we holding within us that's no longer serving us?

In this wide-ranging episode of the podcast, I explore...

• How in the past we would have cleared out the RAM in our computers, but now we simply buy more digital space
• How holding onto stuff has become normalised with the huge increase in people using storage units 
• How the stories we carry, the limiting beliefs we cling to, the emotional history we hold onto all take up space in our heads (and our hearts)
• How physical & emotional pain also take up space
• How meditation helps create white space
• How the practice of freeing up our physical and emotional environments helps us think and breathe more freely

REFERENCES

How Pleasure Works, Paul Bloom
https://uk.bookshop.org/books/how-pleasure-works-why-we-like-what-we-like/9780099548768?aid=8926 

The Psychology of Stuff & Things
https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-26/edition-8/psychology-stuff-and-things

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My guest today shares how her time in the military and the challenges she faced as a young woman combined to help her reach the Gentle place.

Debbie Edwards is a transformational leadership coach and energy healer.

In our conversation, we explore:

• The importance of a gentle / compassionate stance in the workplace - and how hard it can feel when it’s conditioned out of us - and its wider implications for our health and well-being (physically, mentally, emotionally, socially)
• Debbie's powerful story of what led her to the work she does with The Gentle Leader 
• Key tools that we can all understand and absorb into our daily patterns to dissolve the stories and patterns we carry that 'toughness' is synonymous with survival.

Debbie shows us how to thrive, personally and in business, even when times are hard. To connect with her, find her on Instagram @thegentleleader

To connect with me, go to hennyflynn.co.uk - and if you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review on Apple Podcasts.

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It’s taken me such a long time to work out how to begin this new series.

Not through lack of willingness - perhaps in fact through too much WILLingness!

I’ve thought and thought and thought and thought - and then I remembered that what I actually need to do is FEEL.

So I did that instead - and it showed me the way in.

Today's reflections include...

• Sometimes we need to slow down to speed up.
• We can’t ignore the longer term benefits of deep relaxation.
• We don’t need to fix what has never been broken.

For more... hennyflynn.co.uk

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How can we begin to recover from Grief?

When I explored bereavement counselling for myself, a few years ago, I heard that it’s best not to approach it until 6-months or so has passed. The idea being that until that first wave has passed, we’re not ready to explore how to move forward.

But, this gentle advice left me feeling a little lost. Unsure how to process or manage things in the waiting period until I could get support.

I admit I didn’t pursue it any further - so much of my energy was taken up with just getting by that I didn’t have enough resources to also find the support I needed. So, I may have been misguided in my understanding but it’s something I’ve also heard from others since.

It’s left me feeling that there must be another way. 

My guest today is a deputy head teacher and an advanced grief recovery practitioner. She helps people move through grief (whatever grief they may be feeling - she shares more on the different types of grief there are), using a process developed in the States.

Lucy has her own history of grief, which she shares with beautiful and generous candour. And as a teacher, you'll hear how she loves that this process is focussed on educating people in tools we can all use to help us move through future grief - with deep self-compassion.

Henny x

FULL SHOW NOTES - hennyflynn.com

CONTACT LUCY - griefuk.org/lucy/

GRATITUDE - changomusic.com/

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Today’s episode is a chance to dance through some of the areas we explore in the Season Retreats.

These retreats are all about INTENTION SETTING.

Each one designed to help us consider what it is we wish to draw to us over the coming season.

An intention is a feeling that arises that informs a SHORT, POSITIVE statement in the PRESENT tense as though it is already happening.  Today I share some of the neuroscience behind why intention setting works and a simple practice for feeling into your own intention. 

We'll also explore how to create and use an affirmation or mantra that you can use every day - or throughout your day - to help you shape your experience.

You may have specific changes you’re contemplating right now. In which case, aligning your intention with the outcome you desire can be a really powerful way of supporting yourself in managing that change in the most beneficial way.

Or it may be you'd like to honour how you want to be feeling over the coming months. And you may choose to craft an intention that helps you shape what that feeling is, and how it is to be with it.

And if you don’t have something specific, that’s ok too - this art is a gentle one. A beautiful  intention can simply be the METTA, or loving kindness meditation of: “I am safe, I am well, I am happy, I live with ease”.

During the episode I share a short reflective exercise that is best done when you're somewhere you can rest, close your eyes and feel into whatever arises. 

With love
Henny x

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I'm back with the wonderful Susan McCulley. And today we have a tender topic.

When discussing shame it feels so essential to hold ourselves gently.

We touch on areas that may feel challenging. We explore aspects of our own responses to shame, and the associated emotions that connect with it. We traverse the landscape of shame to see how we can hold ourselves with ever-deeper compassion.

There are many angles to a conversation about shame. Our attention today is focussed on how we can normalise the feelings we associate with a sense of shame and how we can differentiate her from her sisters - sadness, embarrassment, guilt, anger, despair, neglect, disappointment... 

This feels like an important subject because the more we can identify what we're feeling, the less we are identified by those feelings.

Toward the end of the conversation we landed on an idea that affected us both deeply. And brought tears to my eyes. 

Ultimately the message is one of whole acceptance of who we are.

Henny x

PLEASE NOTE... At the beginning of our conversation, Susan leads us through an exercise to grounds us all as we embark on this conversation. The very initial part (feeling into your feet) can be done when in car, but please note the rest of the exercise involves your hands too - so won’t be possible when driving! 

Some of the things we discuss include…

• How our ancient animal brain responds to experiences and creates shame because of our deep fear of being shunned
• The Gottman Institute have created an emotion wheel (see the link below) that helps us understand the subtlety and breadth of what we feel
• Shame arises when we know we’re not being TRUE to ourselves 
• We can carry shame with us throughout our lives - and can inherit it from others, from our conditioning or from societal mores
• Shame is a primal emotion and we ALL have it.
• Shame hates to be talked about so secrecy is its language - the more we deny or refuse to talk about shame, the more we have.
• Shame is ‘I am bad (and I can’t change that)’ - guilt is ‘I did something bad (and I have a choice to cha

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What language does your body speak?

My guest this week says: "When you understand your hormones and the impact they have on every aspect of your life, you are then in a position to choose what’s best for you to feel your most vibrant."

Abi Adams has created a unique approach to menstrual cycle health, exercise and emotional wellbeing, and offers her clients tools she's travelled the world to learn over the last 20 years to create a clear cut route of sustainable health.

I experienced some of her magic when I hosted a talk she gave, where she invited us to feel how it feels when we move freely. I found her approach and vitality refreshing and so have invited her to join us today to share some of her wisdom.

Abi now focusses on women but her background includes working with men too. We’ll be exploring how important it is for women & men to pay the same careful attention to their hormones and well-being.

Abi is unafraid. She addresses topics that some of us may find hard to explore. As ever I am fascinated to listen to a range of perspectives and I hope you too enjoy the way she is willing to challenge thinking.

SEE THE FULL SHOW NOTES www.hennyflynn.co.uk 

Henny x


CONTACT ABI

• Prøject Wøman
• www.abiadams.co.uk

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

CONNECT

The Regroup Hour on Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/groups/theregrouphour

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What happens when our choice to change gets questioned?

How many times have you observed - in yourself, or someone else - a desire to JUSTIFY something that you’re doing - that you KNOW is really benefiting you… really serving you but that you suspect the other person won’t quite GET?

Maybe it’s a little embarrassing to admit that you’ve adopted a new habit or behaviour that feels out of the ordinary for someone ‘like you’ - perhaps in your family, community, friendship group or culture these things aren’t the norm… and so we can either end up justifying them or caveating what we’re doing, to ward off the anticipated ridicule or judgment or cynicism.

I’ve heard myself doing it.

Making jokes about things I learnt to do that helped me create greater calm in my life - which, quite frankly is NO joke!

And, of course, sometimes we’re on the other side of it. Where WE’RE the ones being cynical.

This episode explores how it feels when we choose to do something different.

SEE FULL SHOW NOTES - www.hennyflynn.co.uk or watch on YOUTUBE

Henny x

REFERENCES

• The Heart of Change, by Henny Flynn https://www.shookbop.com/products/the-heart-of-change-by-henny-flynn 
• Dr Kristin Neff - www.selfcompassion.org 

GRATITUDE

Thank you as always to Angus at changomusic.com for his music and production.

CONNECT

The Regroup Hour on Facebook  https://www.facebook.com/groups/thereegrouphour

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Free Events & Small Group Courses
Explore the power of Flow Journaling, self-compassion and gentle change in a supportive space.
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How can we relax into sleeping well... rather than striving to sleep 'better'?

I met Dr. Kat when I was hosting an evening presentation, and she was the guest speaker. I was so impressed by her approach to the work that she does - and the huge range of knowledge she holds - that I immediately invited her to join me as a guest here.

Dr. Kat Lederle, PhD, MSc, is Somnia’s sleep scientist and chronobiologist. 

She holds a PhD in Human Circadian Physiology and Behaviour, and an MSc in Biosciences and is one of the leading experts in the field of sleep therapy. 

Her approach to sleep and circadian health is compassionate and holistic and draws on the latest scientific evidence and proven behavioural change techniques.

Through this conversation Dr. Kat shares the foundations of what helps us sleep WELL. 

After we finished recording she also shared with me the crucial distinction between sleeping WELL and sleeping ‘better’. ‘Better’ implies there is something to be judged about the way we sleep. 

We sleep how we sleep. 

The art is finding ways to support us in sleeping well. And listening to Dr. Kat is one of those ways.

Henny x

This is some of what we covered:

• Her research into sleep and why it’s such a crucial area for us all to pay attention to - for our health and well-being (physically, mentally, emotionally, socially)
• The work she does within Somnia to support 100s of people in managing their own sleep patterns to rest better
• What led her to this work through her own life journey
• The background to writing SLEEP SENSE and key tools that we can all understand and absorb into our daily patterns
• The fundamental principles of how we get good rest (Physical, emotional, hormonal etc)
• The impact it has on our lives when we do / don’t rest well
• What can get in the way of sleep… And how can we manage if/when that happens

Henny x

CONTACT Dr. Kat

• E: [email protected]
• L: linkedin.com/in/katharinaleder

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A piece of quiet
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everyday ♡ compassion
Tiny reminders of self-love and presence, delivered three times a week.
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Free Events & Small Group Courses
Explore the power of Flow Journaling, self-compassion and gentle change in a supportive space.
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Solo Retreats at Bach Brook
Rest, reflect and reconnect – fully supported in a place of deep natural beauty.
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Books, Journaling Resources & Self-paced Courses
Explore tools for inner connection and compassionate growth.
Visit the library

Free 20-minute Call
Explore whether coaching could support what’s calling for change.
...