everyday compassion with Henny Flynn

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This episode - the first in our brand new series (whoop!) is all about...

The strategies we adopt to try to BECOME the person we THINK we OUGHT to be as we grow up - and how those strategies can become so mis-guided at times that we turn into someone maybe even we don’t recognise.

All through life we have cross-roads - or as Gwyneth Paltrow might say, Sliding Doors. We make choices that take us down a particular path - and then we find another cross road or junction and another and another… until, before we know it, we can be a long way from home and no clear map on how to return.

OR RATHER

We might think we’re a long way from home without a map… because of course home is where the heart is. And that’s inside us. So technically we’re always home!

These strategies we adopt in this quest to be GROWN-UP, they can be things we’ve learnt from caregivers. We emulate their behaviours, positive and challenging, as a way of expressing our LOYALTY to them. And even when we think we’re rejecting something from our past, we can find ourselves repeating it.

Understanding where we’re getting our messages about what it means to be 'grown-up' can be helpful in enabling us to fully inhabit our TRUE ADULT SELF.

And that's what we'll be exploring today.

For more bonus episodes and access to the latest teachings, join the mailing list, it would be wonderful to have you part of our lovely community.
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A little gift to drift away to... before season 7 fully begins.

An extract from My Darling Girl, set to music. I love how this has come into being. I hope you do too.

The piece begins...

You once spoke of a dream. A vision for how
things could be. We held hands and talked late
into the night, imagining how that dream would
feel and taste and look. Exploring all the facets of
that vision, we revelled in the picture that you
painted.

With love
Henny x

My Darling Girl is a collection of poetry-ish, love letters to all the people we have ever been. Order the collection here https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/books


Midvinter by Scott Buckley | https://soundcloud.com/scottbuckley
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

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"If we’re in a time where it feels like things are HARD, where the CRISIS - real or perceived - feels like it’s threatening to (or has already) entered our life in some way - then this LOVE, this RECOGNITION of our own strengths, skills, knowledge, learnings, wisdom and growth becomes EVEN MORE important"

There are so many ways we can practice self-compassion but acknowledging ourselves and the progress we have made (in whatever way that shows up for us, as an individual) can be a really practical way to access it.

In this weekend's episode of the podcast, I share HOW and WHY this is such beautiful work.

I also speak of narcissism and the thought blockers that can get in our way.

To work together and explore this beautiful way of accessing self-compassion yourself, message me or email [email protected]

JOIN THE MAILING LIST (email me, or go to hennyflynn.co.uk to subscribe) to receive these episodes straight to your inbox each week. Season 7 begins in April.

With love
Henny x

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***

A piece of quiet
Your weekly pause - a calming relaxation practice, every Wednesday. A few minutes to settle, a few minutes to write. First aid for the soul.
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everyday ♡ compassion
Tiny reminders of self-love and presence, delivered three times a week.
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Free Events & Small Group Courses
Explore the power of Flow Journaling, self-compassion and gentle change in a supportive space.
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Solo Retreats at Bach Brook
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Books, Journaling Resources & Self-paced Courses
Explore tools for inner connection and compassionate growth.
Visit the library

Free 20-minute Call
Explore whether coaching could support what’s calling for change.
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Susan’s 30-Lesson course on Building Balance is now live on Insight Timer. It’s something she’s been working on for months (well, years, actually). And it’s what led to us exploring this idea of balance from multiple angles today.

One of the beautiful outcomes was recognising (once again) that while Susan and I approach things from our different disciplines, there are so many connecting threads within our work.

The link to Susan’s course is included below as is a link to my book The Heart of Change - one whole section of which is devoted to exploring what balance means to us, and how we can find it, as an ongoing practice.

Here are some of the ideas we explored...

• Balance is not a destination - it’s a verb not a noun - it’s an endless process of making micro-adjustments
• We explore balance literally through our bodies and metaphorically through our lives
• How our culture actually DIScourages balance and what we can do to cultivate more of it
• In the modern world, everywhere we walk is a flat hard surface, designed to minimise the disruption to our foot fall. In nature it rises, falls, changes texture and resistance - and our feet are designed to work with that
• Long held habits are hard to break - and bringing our awareness to the habitual behaviours we have adopted is key to understanding how we can create more balance in our lives
• We have to begin with the premise that change is possible if we seek to create a greater sense of balance
• Balance is directly correlated with the ideas of disruption and resilience
• What balance means to US - may not be the same as it means to others
• Part of creating balance is to understand the roles we play
• Life circles help us see how we are balancing the different aspects of our life. Draw 6 sets of circles - with the size of the circle representing the relative ‘weight’ each of these things has in your life: Family & relationships / work / service to others / health & exercise / spi

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everyday ♡ compassion
Tiny reminders of self-love and presence, delivered three times a week.
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Free Events & Small Group Courses
Explore the power of Flow Journaling, self-compassion and gentle change in a supportive space.
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Solo Retreats at Bach Brook
Rest, reflect and reconnect – fully supported in a place of deep natural beauty.
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Books, Journaling Resources & Self-paced Courses
Explore tools for inner connection and compassionate growth.
Visit the library

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A short reflection today - sharing some poetry and words of wisdom from others.

A new My Darling Girl poem arrived this week too. In response to my own question that in the face of such anguish and pain around us, is it ok for us to feel ok? Not in a way that dismisses or ignores the truth of what is happening - but in a way that enables us to connect even more deeply with ourselves, and with others.

As always I hope this resonates with you in some way.

Henny x

“Hope” is the thing with feathers - by EMILY DICKINSON

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.

My darling girl, You ask me - by Henny Flynn

My darling girl 
You ask me
Is it ok to love what you do
Is it ok to love how you feel
Is it ok to love where you live
Is it ok to love who you love
Is it ok to be who you are
Is it ok to feel to think to be to do to say to see to cry to laugh to love to breathe
Is it ok?
And I say yes, my love
It
Is
All
Ok. 

With love.

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***

A piece of quiet
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everyday ♡ compassion
Tiny reminders of self-love and presence, delivered three times a week.
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So, just to be clear, today’s episode isn’t anything to do with James Blunt or his song… and apologies if that now gives you an ear worm… which is what is now going through my own head!

No.

Instead, today's offering is an invitation.

An invitation to join me in a delicious, delightful experiment. A delicious, delightful experiment that can bring a whole series of challenges - but it’s worth it none the less.

A few years ago I began exploring how we can make enormous inner shifts through apparently small changes… using myself as my own guinea pig. This experiment I share today came to me as a way of connecting more deeply with those around me - and as a way to notice the impact of my unconscious (and conscious) biases.

It felt like an opportunity to witness the BEAUTY that we ALL have inside - our core humanity - regardless of who we are.

This is hard. When we face into our inner thoughts and reactions, we often come up against barriers in how we observe others. But, for me, I think it's often most interesting when we turn toward the hard stuff.

There's no right or wrong here... it's simply an experiment to see what arises, and from there, to see what we choose to do with that experience.

I mention a previous episode from the podcast that you might like to explore:

https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/mirror-mirror-learning-to-love-what-we-see 

Follow, subscribe, join the mailing list - just go to hennyflynn.co.uk and if you’re curious about how it would be to work together, then let’s have a chat https://calendly.com/hennyflynn/virtual-coffee 

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A piece of quiet
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everyday ♡ compassion
Tiny reminders of self-love and presence, delivered three times a week.
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Free Events & Small Group Courses
Explore the power of Flow Journaling, self-compassion and gentle change in a supportive space.
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Solo Retreats at Bach Brook
Rest, reflect and reconnect – fully supported in a place of deep natural beauty.
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Books, Journaling Resources & Self-paced Courses
Explore tools for inner connection and compassionate growth.
Visit the library

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Explore whether coaching could support what’s calling for change.
...

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Today's episode was such a joy to record.

I am delighted to introduce you to my friend and teacher, Soulla - the founder of Soulshine.

In this beautiful conversation, you'll hear some of her own journey to establish the highly renowned Soulshine Retreats, and what's brought her to the work she does today.

Some of the areas you'll hear we touch on are: 

• Soulla's compassionate attention to our shadow sides - supporting her clients with developing a full willingness to see our whole selves.
• The importance of feeling safe - and why it's such a fundamental need for so many of us, and yet can feel so rare.
• Her own experience of moving through some extremely dark times, including almost losing faith and hope - and what helped her attend to her own needs.
• How each of us can find our own way - and the tools that we can access to help shine the light on our path.
• A true story of how the tools we discuss have personally helped me... and Soulla, as we navigate our own challenges.

To connect with Soulla

https://www.soulshinebysoulla.com/nurturingresilience

@soulshine_soulla

www.facebook.com/soulshinesoulla

About Soulla

Transformational Somatic and Trauma-Informed Therapeutic Coach, Internal Family Systems Practitioner, Yoga, Self-Compassion and Mindfulness Teacher and Founder of Soulshine Retreats, Soulla has over a decade of experience working with thousands of individuals from all walks of life – holding space for deep transformation, clarity and healing.

Support the show

***

A piece of quiet
Your weekly pause - a calming relaxation practice, every Wednesday. A few minutes to settle, a few minutes to write. First aid for the soul.
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everyday ♡ compassion
Tiny reminders of self-love and presence, delivered three times a week.
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Free Events & Small Group Courses
Explore the power of Flow Journaling, self-compassion and gentle change in a supportive space.
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Solo Retreats at Bach Brook
Rest, reflect and reconnect – fully supported in a place of deep natural beauty.
Retreat with me

Books, Journaling Resources & Self-paced Courses
Explore tools for inner connection and compassionate growth.
Visit the library

Free 20-minute Call
Explore whether coaching could support what’s calling for change.
...

Tap to send me your reflections ♡

Gossip. Why we love it, how it serves us and other thoughts.

Gossip is something we often lean toward. We love to listen to stories about other people we know, whether we know them directly or through their celebrity status or through the importance they hold in someone else’s life.

It’s something that can really activate our level 1 and level 2 listening skills (I explain these in the episode). We all LOVE a story. And there’s plenty of research out there on why we naturally engage in them.

And in any conversation with a family member, friend or stranger, where we want to create a meaningful outcome, story telling is a rich pool where we can find connection with others.

However!

When I was considering this, my feeling was that there’s an area around that pool that might seep into the slightly boggy land of gossip - and I think it’s a fascinating and sometimes obscure divide between the two. 

And this is not to say that gossip doesn’t have its purpose - I talk a that too - but my sense is that SIMPLY noticing when the conversation starts straying into the land of ‘ooh, have you heard…’ could be something that really serves us, and serves those around us.

Quick note...
This reflection on what may benefit from our attention isn’t about the type of gossip that’s sharing someone else’s confidence or secret, or speaking maliciously about another person - I think we already know why that doesn’t benefit us or others. 

It’s an attempt to explore the subtler realm of when things tip into that place when part of us may start to feel uncomfortable.

And my sense is that even thinking about this and writing this episode has sparked some discomfort for me - you may notice some as you listen - and it’s when we get those kind of cues in our body that I think there’s something asking for our attention. So I’m turning toward it - and maybe there’s something in here that you’ll find it useful in some way too.

Henny x

TO CONNECT
https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/

REFERENCES
Robin Dunbar, Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language (Harva

Support the show

***

A piece of quiet
Your weekly pause - a calming relaxation practice, every Wednesday. A few minutes to settle, a few minutes to write. First aid for the soul.
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everyday ♡ compassion
Tiny reminders of self-love and presence, delivered three times a week.
Subscribe here

Free Events & Small Group Courses
Explore the power of Flow Journaling, self-compassion and gentle change in a supportive space.
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Solo Retreats at Bach Brook
Rest, reflect and reconnect – fully supported in a place of deep natural beauty.
Retreat with me

Books, Journaling Resources & Self-paced Courses
Explore tools for inner connection and compassionate growth.
Visit the library

Free 20-minute Call
Explore whether coaching could support what’s calling for change.
...

Tap to send me your reflections ♡

How would you describe yourself?

Wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, writer, coach.

When I first started showing my face on Instagram a few years ago, they’re the words I used

It felt true at the time - and seemed the best way to explain the breadth of me, not too tightly defined and seemed to go some way to expressing the importance of my wider life. Because in the past I would have likely described myself primarily by my job - so this felt like a big step forward.

But. 

Now I’m much less certain about using terms like this - not that there’s anything UNtrue about them but rather choosing curiosity about what I am attaching myself to.

And it’s led me to explore this idea of SELF and IDENTITY more fully.

How do we identify our SELF - or rather, WHAT do we identify WITH in order to define who we ARE?

This is a BIG and very JUICY topic. And, as ever, deserves our most compassionate awareness as we explore it. I would love to hear your thoughts.

In the podcast I share some of the background to this year's Practical Compassion Retreats. Four retreats, held on-line on Saturday mornings across the year. To join us, sign up here... https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/retreats-and-events

Support the show

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A piece of quiet
Your weekly pause - a calming relaxation practice, every Wednesday. A few minutes to settle, a few minutes to write. First aid for the soul.
Join here - use the code PEACE for 20% off your first year

Let’s stay connected
Sign up to hear more - and only receive what speaks to you.
Join the list here

everyday ♡ compassion
Tiny reminders of self-love and presence, delivered three times a week.
Subscribe here

Free Events & Small Group Courses
Explore the power of Flow Journaling, self-compassion and gentle change in a supportive space.
See what’s on

Solo Retreats at Bach Brook
Rest, reflect and reconnect – fully supported in a place of deep natural beauty.
Retreat with me

Books, Journaling Resources & Self-paced Courses
Explore tools for inner connection and compassionate growth.
Visit the library

Free 20-minute Call
Explore whether coaching could support what’s calling for change.
...

Tap to send me your reflections ♡

How is it to sit with what we're experiencing?

What are the devices, distractions, diversions we use to break a moment - to avoid the risk of discomfort that might come with a challenging feeling, conversation or thought?

And what are the techniques, tools, treats we use to augment a moment - to enhance something that is already wonderful into being something 'more'?

And when we do these things... what's their TRUE impact?

An exploration of how it is to SIT with what we're feeling - positive or challenging.

ABOUT YOU

To explore your own reflections, go to hennyflynn.co.uk and book a free discovery call to see how coaching with Henny could support you in your own change journey.

Support the show

***

A piece of quiet
Your weekly pause - a calming relaxation practice, every Wednesday. A few minutes to settle, a few minutes to write. First aid for the soul.
Join here - use the code PEACE for 20% off your first year

Let’s stay connected
Sign up to hear more - and only receive what speaks to you.
Join the list here

everyday ♡ compassion
Tiny reminders of self-love and presence, delivered three times a week.
Subscribe here

Free Events & Small Group Courses
Explore the power of Flow Journaling, self-compassion and gentle change in a supportive space.
See what’s on

Solo Retreats at Bach Brook
Rest, reflect and reconnect – fully supported in a place of deep natural beauty.
Retreat with me

Books, Journaling Resources & Self-paced Courses
Explore tools for inner connection and compassionate growth.
Visit the library

Free 20-minute Call
Explore whether coaching could support what’s calling for change.
...