everyday compassion with Henny Flynn

This is the first of three episodes diving deeper into resilience. Last week I explored how resilience can look like different things - this week, I'm focusing on one of the three key areas: the Self-Care Bank.

It's a metaphor that's generated so much interest, and today I'm unpacking what it really means - and why what gets labelled as 'lack of resilience' is often actually lack of resources.

You'll hear:

• Why depletion isn't a sign of weak resilience - it's a sign of low reserves
• How self-awareness with self-compassion helps us notice when our bank is running low (before crisis hits)
• The difference between firm boundaries (that we sometimes need) and the reality of the soft, malleable boundaries we often actually live with
• Why rest and pausing are themselves forms of boundary-setting
• How 'staying authentic' is part of keeping your reserves topped up
• The corporate culture that values decisiveness over reflection - and what it costs
• Why borrowing from your future self in crisis is human and necessary (and why we need time to rebuild after)

I also talk about Compassionate Resilience - from my book The Heart of Change - and why that reframe matters.

Next week: a special guest episode with Adam Lind - author of Floating Home - exploring masking as a form of resilience.

Settle in and see where the episode takes you.

I've noticed my own emotional and psychological resilience has increased as I've aged. Things that once affected me deeply seem to affect me less. But what I'm really curious about is something different.

I'm no longer willing to mask the truth of how I'm feeling.

Research shows emotional resilience improves as we mature - even after significant life changes like bereavement, retirement, loss. But the way that resilience shows up might not look like we expect. It might not look like "brushing it off and getting on."

You'll hear:

• How a loved one's hospital crisis revealed something about my own reserves - the concept of "borrowing from my future self"
• The Self-Care Bank metaphor: how we can invest, withdraw, and sometimes dangerously empty our reserves
• A story about burnout: my mother's death, a new job, nearly dying - and what I take responsibility for
• The moment I felt myself return: a part of me called Joy, and why she still needs protecting
• What a mother's poem written twelve years ago reveals about resilience, courage, and dealing with difficulty
• Three different entry points for three different people - on masking, depletion, and the pressure to be resilient

I also share why I'm no longer willing to perform, and what that means for how I move through the world. This episode is also  a Field Note on the blog - link below if you'd like to read as well as listen.

Settle in and see where the episode takes you.

LINKS
Field Note: www.hennyflynn.co.uk/field-notes/what-real-resilience-looks-like
Sign up for tiny notes, filled with love: everyday compassion weekly emails
Contact: [email protected] or visit hennyflynn.co.uk

RESOURCES
That longitudinal research on resilience as we age: https://www.elsa-project.ac.uk/post/resilience-in-later-life-elsa-study-finds-older-adults-often-maintain-good-mental-health-after-majo

I recorded an episode today that didn't feel quite right. Some of my thoughts felt a little confused, possibly difficult to follow. So I started over. And that became the theme of the episode...

There's a Sharon Salzberg quote I love: 'We can always begin again, no matter what happens, no matter how long it's been, no matter how far from our aspirations we may have strayed.' It is so filled with hope that, for me, speaks to a deep resilience that we may find is within us all.

You'll hear:

• Why I chose to restart the episode - and when "keeping going" might not be the wisest choice
• A recognition of my own past resistance to asking for help... and how that has shifted
• How our willingness to begin again could inform conversations, relationships, work, and how we care for ourself 
• The micro-moments of beginning again that we may notice in our lives
• Why knowing we can always begin again might be the most hopeful thing we can teach young people and ourselves in times of grief, loss, or when life feels impossibly hard

I also share how wonderful it's been to hear your reflections on standing on the rope bridge in New Zealand - and the ordinary, extraordinary connections people find when they're in connection with water, mountains, and trees.

Settle in and see where the episode takes you.

I'm sitting in our retreat house this long weekend. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, the birds are singing. And I realised yesterday that I'd completely forgotten to do this week's episode... 

I think this is the only time this has ever happened and I'm so sorry if you look forward to listening at a particular time. I chose to let it go rather than squeeze it in whilst rushed and anxious. And that feels interesting to explore.

You'll hear:

• Why 'the show must go on' is one of my formative stories - and what it means to gently question it
• The nuance between keeping commitments that matter and following rigid rules we've internalised about our identity
• How I would have spiralled in the past vs how I'm holding this now
• The art of discernment: being in the world with profound compassion whilst holding compassion for ourselves too
• An invitation to ask: what's the worst that could happen if I don't step forward?

Also: my loved one is now home from hospital. An enormous relief. Thank you for all your kindness and compassion.

If there's a commitment in your life that's asking too much of you right now, maybe there's a space between this and that. Maybe there are other options available.

Settle in and see where the episode takes you.

I'm recording this from another hospital corner; hopefully, hopefully the last time I need to record from here. But this episode is not about that...

It's the story of what happened in New Zealand at the end of last year, standing on a swing bridge, about to begin a short stretch of the Kepler Trail.

You'll hear:

• The moment I turned from looking upstream to looking downstream and felt a rush of energy so intense I felt I couldn't live big enough to hold it
• Walking through ancient forest and laying my hands on trees, finding the same thrumming energy
• The realisation that this was the most ordinary truth, and it's what makes everything in life so special
• How we are all part of the universal hum - and what we risk when we deny that connection
• The answer to 'what makes you think you're so special?' Spoiler alert: Everything.

As you listen, I wonder does any of this resonate with you? The universal hum, our shared need for connection, the places you find it? I'd love to hear your thoughts and reflections - just email me if you'd love to share, or message me through the website hennyflynn.co.uk/contact. 

Settle in and see where the episode takes you.

I'm recording this from a hospital. I've found a quiet corner - it's Saturday morning and you might hear lifts beeping, trolleys, maybe some voices.

I'm here seeing a loved one. It's why there wasn't an episode last week. This isn't my story to tell, so I can't talk about details, but I wanted to share the context I'm in.

This episode is about how life throws curveballs at us, and how the work we do in quieter moments supports us when we're facing the bigger stuff.

You'll hear:

• Why this experience has been the most beautiful painful reminder of why compassionate self-enquiry matters
• How our humanness still shows up even when we have the tools - old patterns reassert themselves, we get triggered, we think 'I thought I didn't do that anymore'
• Why holding all of that with compassion gives us the spaciousness to choose our next response
• The moment my brain went completely offline mid-sentence (a sign of holding a lot right now)
• How self-awareness with self-compassion can be our greatest tool

Lastly, I want to share a gentle reminder: if you're facing something hard right now, hold space for yourself, resource yourself, reach out to people who can support you - it is this that enables us to resource and support others.

If this activates anything for you, if you'd like to connect, if you'd like to hear more about the supportive spaces for exploring how to navigate change for yourself, you can get in touch here https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/contact or sign-up to receive my emails where I share more of this beautiful work https://hennyflynn.kit.com/

Settle in, and see where the episode takes you.
With love
Henny x

This week sees the opening of The Field. And this episode is a reflection on how creating it has been a practice in the work of change. Art imitating life... or vice versa perhaps?

You'll hear...

• How I've moved through doubt, fear, and excitement while letting this idea percolate 
• A time when parts of me were clamouring 'I should have worked harder' 
• Why self-awareness + self-compassion = compassionate self-enquiry
• What The Field offers as you're navigating change
• The Rumi quote that captures it all: 'Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there'

Season one of The Field begins on the 1st of May 2026. Find out more at hennyflynn.co.uk/enter-the-field

Settle in, and see where the episode takes you.

And... if you'd like to hear the recording of the gathering to Open The Field, just drop me a note and I'll send you the link [email protected]

Lastly - the day retreat to Nourish Your Nervous System is on 23 May 2026 10.30am to 3pm (UK) - a small group exploring a spacious, relaxed day.

Today I'm in conversation with Soulla Demetriou - a dear friend, a teacher who profoundly shaped my journey, and the author of the newly released book You Have Always Been Enough.

Soulla introduced me to self-compassion work and later to Internal Family Systems, and our paths have been beautifully interwoven ever since.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Soulla's journey from corporate London through pain, and the suffering that came from that, to yoga, mindfulness, self-compassion, and eventually Internal Family Systems - and why IFS felt like 'the jigsaw piece that made sense of everything'
• How our protective parts are actually expressions of love, trying to keep us safe - and what shifts when we turn toward them with curiosity instead of judgement
• The moment I realised I'd been making painful faces at myself in the mirror, and what that part needed to hear to feel safe enough to stop
• Why self-trust might be the greatest gift any of us can cultivate, and how the parts work brings us into that connection

This is a long, intimate conversation between two practitioners who love this work. We follow tangents, we cry, we laugh, and we let what needs to emerge come forward.

Settle in, and see where the episode takes you.

We touch on some deep topics here. Please go gently with yourself if you find anything in this conversation is activating for you - and do reach out to trusted sources if you need any additional support.

Soulla's book You Have Always Been Enough is available now. Find out more and connect withsoulla.com

You'll hear this episode begins with me sharing a complete technical breakdown. I had recorded a really lovely episode and when I went back to listen, it sounded like it was voiced by AI. I couldn't fix it, despite my best efforts, and so I had to start again.

It's often in moments like these that I turn to my old journals. When I opened one of them at random, this is what emerged:

• A reflection on the parts of us that get activated when things go wrong 
• The recognition that these aren't parts to suppress, but parts that have been asking for attention
• An invitation to hold these parts in love

After reading it aloud, I noticed how much more grounded I felt. And so, of course this is what today's episode actually needed to be. 

Settle in, and see where the episode takes you.

Solo Retreat @ Bach Brook - discover what it could feel like to have time to yourself, where you're fully cared for
https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/solo-retreats

Awaken Your Hopes & Dreams - begins Thursday March 26th - 5-week, small group course
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/1983524212314?aff=oddtdtcreator

Join the mailing list - and hear what's emerging in the next few weeks
https://hennyflynn.kit.com/profile

It's a sunny Saturday morning, and I've had a slow start. We're a little late recording this, but what's late? What's early? When there's no fixed time anyway.

I've talked about going with the slow before (back in Season 5), and I'm returning to it again because it's such a fundamental part of how I understand change. This time I'm exploring it through different lenses — the butterfly chrysalis, titration from trauma work, the alphabet between A and B.

In this episode, I explore...

• How we're conditioned to move faster through change when our internal mechanisms don't move at the same pace as external events
• The danger of leaving the slower parts of ourselves behind, and what it means to 'collect ourselves'
• Why small steps create lasting change — James Clear's Atomic Habits applied to deeper inner work 
• Beautiful disruption from my book The Heart of Change, and how subtle shifts in language can have profound impact 
• The butterfly chrysalis — if we strip it away too quickly, the butterfly can't survive
• Titration from trauma work — adding the solution drop by drop until reaction reaches completion, not rushing to resolution
• Why going with the slow isn't passive giving up, but attentive mindful recognition of what's changing
• The alphabet between A and B — we're so focused on the fastest route that we forget there might be a healthier, kinder path...

This approach builds our capacity, our resilience, and allows us to integrate changes sustainably. It's like taking one bite of an enormous meal at a time, stepping away from the table, coming back — making it deliciously nourishing rather than overwhelming.

I also share details about two offerings: 

• Join the mailing list for compassionate self-enquiry & intentional change
• Awakening Hopes and Dreams, a 5 week, small group coaching & Flow Journaling course beginning 26 March, 12.00-1.15pm (UK).

Settle in, and see where the episode takes you.