Dallas Willard once said, “The most important thing about us is not the decisions that we make, but the person we’re becoming.”

That brings us to the final relational skill in this series: which involves, nurturing a growing spirituality that enables us to love God and others well. This calls for an intentional, purposeful plan. To truly implement what we’ve learned over the last few months – and to reverse decades of unhealthy ways of living and operating – requires thoughtfulness.

One way to do this is by drawing on an ancient treasure from the Christian tradition called a Rule of Life. Simply put, a Rule of Life is an intentional, conscious framework for keeping God at the center of everything we do. To wrap up our series on emotionally healthy relationships, Carley and I share some rhythms and practices from our own Rules of Life, and offer practical steps for creating one of your own. Listen in.

Throughout any relationship, conflict is inevitable – and it can look different in different seasons or settings.  A core discipleship issue in the new family of Jesus is learning how to resolve conflicts maturely. Often times, Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:9 — “Blessed are the peacemakers” — are misunderstood to mean:

 But this is a tragic misinterpretation of what peacemaking really is. In this episode, Carley and I explore how Jesus modeled true peacemaking with radical and disruptive kindness – a kindness that challenged, disrupted old patterns, and called us into deeper growth. A kindness that even risked disconnection for the sake of deeper intimacy. We also talk about a few different conflict traps that are easy to fall into, and some of the keys for navigating conflict well. Listen in.

God has shaped and crafted each of us uniquely—with our own personality, thoughts, dreams, temperament, feelings, talents, gifts, and desires. Parker Palmer calls this the ‘true seeds of self,' which God has planted inside of each of us as He invites us to listen to Him and to live faithfully out of our true selves in Christ.

When we don’t live in alignment with what we truly believe, think, or feel—or when we ignore our values—we violate our integrity. Something inside of us dies when we stay silent about our values and preferences. God’s invitation is to an ongoing process of grounding our identity in His love and to learning how respectfully assert ourselves.

In this conversation, my clinical supervisor Carley and I explore a practice called climbing the ladder of integrity—a way of clarifying our values and living more fully into the person God has made us to be. Listen in.

Today’s episode is a little different. I’ve stepped away from podcasting this week to prepare for my upcoming counseling exam, but I wanted to share a quick update and one of my favorite prayers with you: “The Litany of Trust.” I can’t wait to be back with you next week!

If you’ve been following along with our series on emotionally healthy relationships, this episode really serves as a kind of anchor—or container—for all the relational skills we’ve been exploring.

In my conversation with licensed therapist Julie Honeycutt, we dive into the inner work that makes healthy connection possible. We talk about the parts of us that show up in relationships, what it looks like to slow down and turn inward, and how we can begin building trust with ourselves instead of outsourcing our own growth & healing.

It’s a conversation about reactivity, self-leadership, and the beautiful—but sometimes difficult—process of learning to show up for the wounded parts of yourself with compassion. This is definitely a note-taking episode, and I’m so grateful for Julie’s insight, and the way she beautifully balances the complexity of this inner work while still making it feel accessible. I hope you'll listen in.

Learn more about the Christian IFS Workshop on August 22-23, 2025 at Crosspoint Church in Lynchburg, VA here.

Author and theologian David Augsburger once said, “Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.”

What it means to listen and love well can be best understood around the unfathomable mystery of the incarnation – that God took on human flesh. God knew that there was no better way to convey his love to human beings than to fully enter their world, and the life of Jesus teaches us three dynamics that characterize what it looks to incarnate in order to love people well. 

In today’s episode, my clinical supervisor Carley and I walk through each of these 3 active listening skills that can help us grow in this everyday practice of loving others well through how we listen. 

Scripture teaches that feelings are a key part of what it means to be a human being made in God’s image.

When we’re not in touch with what is going on inside us, our thoughts and feelings can feel like inner chaos. A lack of engagement with our interior worlds can cause us to miss many gifts from God. When this happens, we’re not living in reality, but in illusion or denial. And when we are not living in reality, we are not in spirituality, because the authentic spiritual life is not an escape from reality but an absolute commitment to it.

In this episode, my clinical supervisor Carley and I unpack our fourth relational skill – a simple but powerful skill for slowing down, processing our emotions, and meeting God in them. We talk about what it looks like to come alive to our feelings, and then integrate those feelings into our discernment of God’s will.

We all come into the family of Jesus carrying wounds from a broken world and imperfect families.

God’s intention is to heal us, but we must first become aware of what needs to be changed in us. In this episode, my clinical supervisor Carley Marcouillier and I talk about how discipleship involves reflecting on both the positive and negative influences of our family of origin.

This is hard work. But the extent to which we can go back and understand how our history has shaped us will determine, to a large degree, our ability to break destructive patterns and grow in love towards God and people. We also introduce our third relational skill for emotionally healthy relationships—the genogram—a practical tool for increasing self-awareness and understanding how your family story may still be shaping your present relationships.

 LINKS FROM THE EPISODE:

The stories we tell ourselves have an enormous impact on our feelings, and so often – especially in our relationships – we can tell ourselves stories that aren’t true.

Assumptions about what other people are thinking and feeling can quickly become hidden landmines in our relationships. In today’s episode, my clinical supervisor Carley Marcouillier and I unpack our second relational skill for emotionally healthy relationships. This skill has two parts to it: first, how to stop mind reading. And second, how to clarify expectations. I think you’re going to find this conversation both thought-provoking and really practical. Listen in.

If you’ve ever found yourself longing for deeper connection in your relationship but unsure how to get there, this episode is for you. 

Today, my clinical supervisor, licensed therapist Carley Marcouillier, and I kick off our Emotionally Healthy Relationships summer series by introducing a simple, practical communication skill built around five prompts: appreciations, worries & concerns, complaints & possible solutions, new information, and hopes & wishes.

These prompts create space for safety, honesty, and emotional closeness within relationships. Whether this is your first time hearing about this skill or you’re looking for a fresh way to grow, we hope this conversation encourages you to take small, meaningful steps toward deeper connection.