In all honestly, the dream line-up for this week’s episode of Fantasy Five-a-Side might be the hardest, most unforgiving bunch of tyrants you could ever assemble. 

Nick Bright, DJ on BBC 1Xtra and 5 Live, joins Jim Campbell to talk him through a five-a-side squad that would strike fear into any opposition at your local Powerleague. It features an otherwise stoic goalkeeper - who became a rampant madman on the pitch - a couple of beautifully graceful thugs from the continent and, thankfully, an affable Arsenal legend up top.

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The Football Ramble, the original and best football podcast. Brand new podcasts every single weekday throughout the Premier League season and every day throughout the 2026 FIFA World Cup.

No cliches. No ex-pros like Peter Crouch or The Rest is Football. Just the funniest football conversation out there. Your guardian for the season, daily not weekly. Stick to the Ramble, totally.

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