Dirty... and stinkin'... I got the F.L.U. and I got D.R.U.N.K. and it's the end of the worst year in living memory until next year so let's ring it out with an exchanging of dares, sidearms, and intensely scrutinizing the dazzling cut, clarity, and carat of STORM THE TOWER's hardcore hope diamond.

Listen it's christmas and I'm not working on some description all night. I have stuff to do. Just go to our IG and post your deepest and most private christmas wish. Make it gnarly and legally troubling. After that stop back here and listen to us talk about the boys of HAYWIRE.

Sometimes words have meaning and sometimes we name things on purpose so you know where to keep them and how to use them... like cat food is for cats and the toilet stick is for private use and dungeon synth is meant to be in a dungeon. Anytime we test the boundaries of these things, the room stinks for weeks. So wash up because it's time to review ANOMIE from Texas.

The dolls of the past become the puppets of the future as we get lost in the fog of wa... I mean etiquette surrounding the medium by which we consume our punk dose. Maybe we should ask the prescient goblins of Newcastle's EBOLA since they had it all figured out 30 years ago.

The holidays are exhausting, snow is exhausting, poor exhaust ratio is exhausting... even when you have access to full sound, this time of year can beat you down. Imagine if you DIDN'T? Imagine if you had to shovel all this snow and Cleveland's own HOMOSTUPIDS only left you about a voicemail's worth of stuff to listen to?

FIXED UPLOAD (HOPEFULLY): Travel as far as you want. Germany, Iceland, Sweden, Siberia... No matter how much reindeer meat and surstromming you eat with the locals, Mom and OVERCAST will always tell you "we have melodic death metal at home".

Today we take advice from the past and present masters... how to prevent onstage bowel troubles, offstage transmissible illness, and in-situ brainrot. But once the lights go out, the boys of DEF CHOICE pass out some magazines they found in the woods and the real party begins.

One more week in the gamer seat - now you're playing with power. Even in the library we're only about games. But you know who doesn't play? Swedish technical submission grapplers SMACKDOWN. JO-HAN... GET THE TABLES!

Doctors and unemployment counsellors hate us for this one weird trick where we leverage the very lowest form of nepotism to simply sidestep the entire rat race. It's so simple, why don't you do it? We already lost interest in your problems because because we're steady gaming. Exit 8, Platform 8, Crazy 8s... mere stepping stones on our mission to catch all of San Diego's most collectible boys, CRIME DESIRE.

We are ready to answer for our decisions. We are ready to admit that not all our choices are the good ones and that not all fitness influencers are created equal. We are ready to face the fact that non-linearity and the hollow shell of past convenience can yield mixed results. Maybe it's time for you to do the same. Maybe we could all take some cues from the youth driven passions and grievances of DRAGNET. Or no wait, hold on...