Marcus, Luke, Jim and Pete catch their breath after a chaotic night of European football which saw Bayern get past a spirited Celtic without even using Eric Dier or Vincent Kompany’s studded cowboy boots.

We also recap head loss deluxe across the rest of Europe, with awful diving and embarrassing tantrums aplenty. Elsewhere, a Liverpool fan opens the scoring at Everton’s new home - classic Everton - and we join Neymar’s campaign to ban artificial pitches. Plus, in disgraceful news, the FA has agreed to let Thomas Tuchel work from home. IN GERMANY. The game has definitively gone.

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Right, before we get onto another Juan Bernabe update, things really are starting to heat up in the battle for the Premier League’s European places.

From third down to seventh, it could be anyone’s game - so who do Marcus, Luke & Pete think are going to snatch those coveted four (maybe five) places come the end of the season?

But yes, Bernabe is back in the headlines once again. This time he’s said he plans to take Lazio president Claudio Lotito to court...

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Marcus, Luke and Pete dust themselves down and go again after Spurs and Man United played out a disappointing damp squib. Even the managers’ meagre war of words did little to tickle our fancy…

To be fair, the rest of the Premier League weekend did throw up some interesting stories as Newcastle graciously got battered by Man City once again and Fulham grabbed their first home win of 2025 with #FULFORCE. Plus, Arsenal have managed to solve their striker problem: just stick anyone up there.

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After the simply marvellous scenes at Goodison Park this week, some fun sponges had the audacity to say that the Everton players and fans went 'too far' with their celebrations.

Now, it's not the first time we've heard that in recent times. Myles Lewis-Skelly ruffled a few feathers after copying Erling Haaland's celebration, and Paul Scholes called Neal Maupay an "idiot" for copying James Maddison's darts celebration.

Marcus, Luke & Vish have their say on that, plus we find out their choice of Mario Kart characters.

It's not one to miss.

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On this lovely Valentine's Day, it’s important to focus all your love and attention on that Special One. So, with no English teams in European action last night, we kick off with more ridiculous antics from football’s favourite loverboy, José Mourinho.

Marcus, Luke, Vish and Jim then look ahead to a mid-table Mourinho Derby as Spurs’ perfectly stoppable force meet Man United’s eminently movable object. Elsewhere, Arsenal bring some striker-less vibes to Leicester, Man City face an onslaught from Newcastle’s big boys and we play out a Jack’s Encyclopaedia round for the ages.

Plus, ever wondered how Jason Tindall would fare in the Love Island villa? Well, wonder no longer.

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Don't pretend you don't want to see it. Everton vs Liverpool ended in complete carnage and Marcus and Jim loved every single second.

Still giddy from all the excitement, we credit the Everton fans for celebrating with the appropriate level of vigour, while also being thankful that VAR didn’t ruin it all. And despite all that, we still find time to credit Liverpool who now look unstoppable in the Premier League title race.

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It’s happened again. Man City have blown a lead and Jude Bellingham scored a late winner. Who would have thought?

Elsewhere, Marcus, Jim, Pete and Andy are impressed by Jason Tindall who has reached new levels of sh*thousery. Plus, Lazio's former falconer Juan Bernabé and his eagle are back!

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The only thing to take from Crystal Palace’s Professional Job 2-0 Plucky Doncaster Rovers: scrap the entire football pyramid. Rubbish, don’t need it.

In all seriousness, Marcus and Vish tip their hats to a valiant effort from Doncaster and realise that Palace are properly decent under Oliver Glasner. Plus, we peruse the fifth round matchups and Man City size up a scrap with the baddest boys in the yard, as Real Madrid come to town

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Worried about the magic spilling out of the FA Cup? Well, Marcus, Luke, Vish and Pete - with a little help from Plymouth Argyle - are here to refill the Cup with the recommended level of magic.

Elsewhere, we thank Stefan Ortega for ensuring Jamie Donley achieved one of the great FA Cup assists and we try to talk about quite literally anything other than Man United vs Leicester.

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After Mario Lemina's banishment to Turkey, plus Marcus Rashford and Jadon Sancho being shipped away from Manchester United, are we seeing managers regaining decision-making power over the futures of their players?

And with Neymar making his return to Santos, Marcus, Vish, and Andy ask: Is it fair to say that he's underachieved in his career?

We’re going on tour! Get your tickets now: https://footballramblelive.com.

Find us on Bluesky, X, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: [email protected].

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