Freedom from Attachment

Change is hard no matter how you look at it, but your perception of change adds another layer. This often happens when you complain about someone, believing they need to do things differently. “Why do they always do X?!” or “Why don’t they stop doing X?” There is no room for them to be themselves and make their own choices. It can also happen the other way. Maybe someone in your life changed and you don’t like it. You swear they are wrong or bad, and you want them to go back to the way they were. In your mind, your perception is the only way. You can’t let go or accept anything different. But why do you personalize someone else’s actions, and feel the need to judge them? When you label someone’s lack of change (or their new way of doing things) as good or bad, you’re attaching your own story to it.

You are not responsible for someone else’s path, and you can’t control what they do or don’t do. Sure it can be frustrating when people don’t do what you want, but instead of shaming them for being “wrong,” turn the mirror on yourself. Why do their actions make you uncomfortable? Why do you have such a rigid view of right and wrong? What are YOU clinging to? And what do you get out of being judgmental and self-righteous? In this episode we will dig into these questions and more because the only person you can change is yourself.

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Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

In this special series, Tracy will be answering your questions around emotional baggage. This week she dives into the hot topics of toxic people, intellectualizing your feelings, developing a sense of belonging.

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Want to submit a question? Click here: bit.ly/AskTracyCrossley and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9 am PST.

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

How often do you look back on decisions and cringe? It could be a relationship where your partner cheated on you, but you decided to stay. Then they did it again and you still stayed! Or it could be how you used to punish people for not living up to your perfectionist expectations. Most of us have regrets of some sort. This is especially true if you are working on yourself because the person you are becoming is much more aware than the person you used to be. And that’s a good thing! Your past choices aren’t the problem—it’s how you berate yourself now for what you did back then. You may even wonder how someone who made so many bad decisions could ever deserve happiness. This is a prison you build for yourself, which only serves to rob you of happiness.

When you look back with regret and catch yourself saying, “How could I be so stupid?” or “What was WRONG with me?” take a step back and ask yourself how you felt back then. How much did you value yourself? Regret usually comes from a place of lack—lack of self-confidence, self-love, self-awareness, etc. But remember, you’re not the same person now, so looking for reasons to regret your choices will tie you to punishment. In this episode, learn how to release your shame and regret by accepting who you were at the time and owning the decisions you made. It’s really ok! Instead of focusing on your mistakes, be proud of how far you’ve come. Because you wouldn’t cringe if you haven’t grown.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Want to submit a question? Click here: bit.ly/AskTracyCrossley and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9 am PST.

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

In this special series, Tracy will be answering your questions around emotional baggage. This week she dives into the hot topics of lifelong healthy relationships, love vs. attachment, and coping after a breakup.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Want to submit a question? Click here: bit.ly/AskTracyCrossley and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9 am PST.

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Zahara has lived many lifetimes in her life. She was an elite martial artist at a young age until she had to have a spinal fusion surgery at 13. Despite being told she wouldn't come back, she did. She trained until she could walk, waled until she could run, run until she could kick, and trained to go to the Olympics until she was in her 20s. A double kidney infection took her out of the sport, and she had to shed her identity as an elite martial artist. She became the executive director of marketing for one of the biggest baseball agencies when she was 25. She let that job go after she discovered her passion for facilitating groups and holding space for people. She's been helping people finding what they're passionate about since then.

Here's what we talked about:

-Her elite martial artist journey

-Her many death processes she has experienced in her life

-How she became addicted to prescription drugs

-Finding something to be passionate about in the darkest moment

-Struggling with co-dependency

-Rebirthing from nothing

Here's more about Zahara:

Zahara Zimring is a transformational coach, liberation artist, evolutionary astrologer and ceremonialist. She is the creator of the Liberation Dojo, a signature experience that shatters limitation and offers a safe space to expand beyond fear-based behavior patterns, while activating dormant gifts and being held in community. Once an elite martial artist and Olympic hopeful who ultimately overcame a debilitating spinal fusion, Zahara is passionate about helping others turn trauma into triumph and wounding into warrior wisdom.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Want to submit a question? Click here: bit.ly/AskTracyCrossley and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9 am PST.

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Do you ever find yourself saying, “This always happens to me,” or “I never get what I want?” or “I have the worst luck!”? You think they are truths, but they are just stories you tell yourself. Then you go around collecting evidence to prove they’re true. Maybe your story is that relationships are hard work, riddled with drama (that used to be one of mine). So what happens? You choose relationships where you have to work hard in order to prove your story right, although you’re usually unaware you’re doing it… or why you’re doing it. The sad part about these stories is they are self-limiting because you unconsciously decide what is possible for yourself. But when you become aware of your stories, you can change them.

Humans have a hard time being neutral. Our biases and perspective, based on our childhood and life experiences, shape how we view the world. But if you step into someone else’s shoes, you can imagine a different perspective. Maybe you know someone who is lucky—things tend to work out for them. They have probably chosen a very different story about themselves, and you can too. This episode is about flipping your perspective and challenging your stories so you stop collecting evidence that they’re true. Once you do that, you can write a new one.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Want to submit a question? Click here: bit.ly/AskTracyCrossley and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9 am PST.

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

In this special series, Tracy will be answering your questions around emotional baggage. This week she dives into the hot topics of breaking the cycle of dating the same kind of people, scaring people off by wanting to go deep, and being surrounded by people but feeling lonely.

Want to submit a question? Click here: bit.ly/AskTracyCrossley and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9 am PST.

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Are you in a relationship or dating someone who’s more robot than human; someone who intellectualizes everything and doesn’t show any warmth? Or what about someone who makes big promises all the time and never, ever follows through? Or maybe you’re with someone who appears and disappears without warning, pretending it’s normal, making you think YOU are the crazy one? These are signs of an Avoidant relationship. If you find yourself in one, you have to ask yourself… why are you there? Is it because you mistake those butterfly feelings for real love?

Those feelings actually stem from a fear of abandonment. You’re trying to get the other person to cooperate with you and see your value, fearing they will leave you at any moment. It’s chemistry mixed with anxiety. There is also zero consistency in these relationships. So if you’re in a situation like this, realize it’s not healthy and look at how you got here. You made the choice to be with an Avoidant… which means you are also an Avoidant. Or an Anxious Avoidant. Securely attached people do not, I repeat do NOT, engage with people like this. Nobody who loves and accepts themself will put up with someone who is inconsistent and won’t emotionally commit. Period. In this episode I’ll show you how to identify what blocks you from giving to yourself and showing yourself love. Because this lack of self-love is what leads you to seek it from people who are unable to give it.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Want to submit a question? Click here: bit.ly/AskTracyCrossley and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9 am PST.

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

In this special series, Tracy will be answering your questions around emotional baggage. This week she dives into the hot topics of saying “I love you” vs. “Love you”, long-distance relationships turning cold, and being scared of being authentic from the beginning in a relationship.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Want to submit a question? Click here: bit.ly/AskTracyCrossley and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9 am PST.

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Being an Avoidant is a constant struggle… a struggle for internal peace, a struggle to be understood, a struggle to tear down emotional walls. I know all of this very well because I grew up as an insecurely attached Avoidant, so my journey has been to understand myself on an emotional level (not intellectual) and do the opposite of what my patterns dictated. This is tough because Avoidancy shows up in so many areas of life—avoiding bills, conversations, people in the supermarket, situations where you don’t have control, etc. It’s a coping mechanism developed in childhood as a way to feel safe, which ends up walling you off from the world in adulthood. It results in numbing, disassociating, distancing, loneliness and being overly-sensitive. Yeah, being an Avoidant is no damn fun.

So if you’re an Avoidant, what do you do about it? In this episode I list a bunch of Avoidant characteristics because the first step is awareness. If a few of these resonate with you, you are probably somewhere on the Avoidant spectrum. This can actually be a comfort because you realize you aren’t a freak of nature—there are lots of Avoidants out there! It’s like discovering the island of misfit toys and jumping for joy. But awareness of your self-protective (and self-destructive) patterns is just the beginning. You have to get out of “know-it-all” mode and open yourself up to learning about yourself on a deeper level. There is no quick fix to being an Avoidant. It’s a lifelong commitment to vulnerability, feeling your feelings and uncomfortable actions. But doing this will move you out of your small, protective foxhole into a world of connection, love and limitless possibility. It’s worth every painful step because contrary to what you might think, you are NOT better off alone.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Want to submit a question? Click here: bit.ly/AskTracyCrossley and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9 am PST.

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617