You can't do that!

Is that something you have heard before?

Who said it first?

A teacher

A parent

An older sibling

That's not relevant as it happens

Because they are not here now are they.

But that voice in your head still is isn't it.

The one which makes it look like they took away your confidence.

They didn't though.

It's still there.

And you don't have to do too much to see it.

You just have to stop taking that thought seriously.

The 'You can't do that thought'

Turns out your thinking doesn't know what you are capable of.

Who knew eh?!

Are there other thoughts you would like to take less seriously too?

If you want to change your relationship with what passes through your head get in touch.

Mental health!

Are we really talking about it?

It looks like we are.

Wherever we look there are news articles, posts, memes, quotes.

But just notice for a moment.

Are we talking about mental health or mental illness.

It's the latter I fear.

We are looking deeply at mental illness.

We are pointing people to mental illness.

We are telling them what it looks like, how it feels, how to know they have it.

Don't get me wrong, I see where this has a place.

But how about if we pointed people to their mental health.

That which is always inside them.

Their inner calm, resilience and confidence.

That which they were born with.

How different would the conversations be then?

I love to have conversations where I show people where they are mentally healthy.

Nicer for them and nicer for me!! (Oh! And much more effective too)

Fancy a conversation like this or know someone who might?

Feelings!

I spent ages trying to solve them!

If my circumstances are x, I will feel y.

If they stop doing a I will feel b.

If I don't have c experience I will feel d.

It was exhausting.

But then I heard something new.

There isn't a solution to a feeling.

Just allow yourself to sit with that for a moment.

Feelings do not have solutions.

So everything we have based society on is a lie then!

It certainly is!

But in many ways that is a relief.

Because in knowing the source of our feelings (thought in the moment by the way), something wonderful opens up to us.

Perception!

Otherwise know as thought in the moment.

It is creating our reality 100% of the time.

There is a real world out there.

There are real things happening inside me.

But my experience of those comes to me through thought!

And I begin to wonder; how much is real and how much is perception.

And then I realise that I can never know that.

But I can see the ease which comes from knowing that's how it works.

Compassion!

I think we need a little more of it right now.

But here's a slightly different take on it.

Compassion is part of self-care.

Not self-compassion (although that is important too).

Compassion for others is part of self-care.

Let me explain!

Have you noticed how you feel when you believe someone has wronged you.

It's not nice is it?

And it looks like it is coming from them.

But it isn't.

Your feelings come from thought in the moment not from other people and their behaviour.

And when you feel compassion for other people this feeling falls away.

You feel better.

You do better.

It's so much more simple than it looks.

Suddenly someone's behaviour doesn't have to change for you to feel okay.

Sounds like bliss to me!

Relationships!

There's a tricky topic if there ever was one!

Recently I struggled to see how thought in the moment was creating my experience of someone I love.

I thought, 'If they behave in x way, I will feel y.'

You can imagine how that ended up.

Not a huge row but some very silly bickering.

You see, I hadn't seen this clearly ...

Inside out works 100% of the time.

It's a principle.

It even works with other people (especially people who should know me well enough to not upset me - haha!)

But it is super easy to miss.

When we see it, our mind settles and we can see what to do next!

Accepting virtually nothing in my life led to my burnout!

I resisted!

I fought!

I controlled!

I was living in an outside in paradigm.

I thought my feelings came from the outside.

It was flipping exhausting!

You see, there's a reason why acceptance is part of the teachings of many spiritual understandings.

It tends to feel quite nice.

Coming from a place of observation of life happening with no resistance.

Easier said than done though!

There are many things in life we don't accept easily.

That seems to me to be utterly human.

But here's what I want to point to today.

No matter where acceptance comes in, it is helpful in feeling calmer.

We may accept our circumstances (that would be marvellous)

Or we may accept our uncomfortable thoughts and feelings about our circumstances.

Or we may accept that we don't accept how we are thinking or feeling.

Seeing the layers of this can help you feel calmer.

And once we accept, with a clear head, the next step forward will occur.

If you would like to feel calmer more of the time, transformational coaching journey with me can really help you spend more time in the place of acceptance.

Welcome to The Calmcast. The Antidote to Self-Development. With Clare Downham - The Queen of Calm.

If you recognise yourself in any part of my story, you are in the right place.

After becoming so stressed and anxious that I pushed myself to burnout, I had to leave my 20 year career in education

Then I embarked on a mission to ‘fix’ myself. I tried every tool and technique, I accessed therapy and I adopted a complex morning routine. And on top of that there were books, podcasts and courses. Fixing myself became a like part-time job and was pretty much always on my mind. I felt dissatisfied with myself and was stuck in a cycle of brokenness.

Then I discovered something that meant I would never have to “fix” myself again. I uncovered my innate confidence, calm and clarity and finally fell into a place of self-acceptance. What I learnt and am still learning is what I share in The Calmcast!

By listening to this podcast, I hope you get to uncover your innate calm, clarity and confidence and finally be able to accept yourself!

Find out more about how I can help you please visit www.claredownham.com