Going Terribly

You ever wonder how sex would be for people of wildly varying heights? Like if Kristin Chenoweth and Yao Ming got into some polyamorous sixty-nining, will their heads and genitals still line up?

I guess anything can happen. Imagine the possibilities. He shoots; she scores (like a musical score)? Heh, heh, sixty-nine...

Other discussion topics may include:

- The good, the bad, and the awkward of recent reunions

- The Adventures of Creamy Ronnie and the Throat Goat

- Riverdale, humpback whales, and other things that just won't let go

- Exfoliation vs. Ejaculation vs. Excoriation: An intimate study

- The neandrithical way of belignantly fresicalling oneself of malcontinence

Thank Doug for Being a Friend! It's Doug's birthday episode, and since yesterday was what would have been Betty White's 100th birthday, Alice devised a saucy gauntlet of Golden Girls-themed games for Doug's Ruby Jubilee (40th birthday)! Hands get cocked. Feet almost get measured. Danger comes quickly. It's a blast.

Please also tune in Saturday 1/22 and play Jackbox with us on our celebratory video game livestream at www.unfinisheddynamos.com! 

Other discussion topics may include:

- Popular southern gothic novels, including The Dog That Mauled Britney

- What is your favorite ironic meal?

- The performance enhancement drugs of animal beauty pageants

- Favorite sexual positions, featuring William Shatner

- Eczema, fleas, second cousins, and other things that make you itch

Alfredo goes to the vet, gets addicted to teabagging, and narrowly avoids being dressed up as a mime, a gondolier, a zebra, a referee -- basically anything black and white with a pop of red -- because all black cats look the same *GASP*

Oh, and tomorrow is National Kiss a Ginger Day, so you know, don't.

Other discussion topics may include:

- When should you take medicine, and when should you just accept that death is inevitable?

- Desk chair acrobatics, starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

- Movie Game Night: The Game: The Movie...Night

- Are you the victim of a grand conspiracy designed to keep you from peeing in pools? You are not alone.

- Tractor gonorrhea

Swinging the pendulum from sacred to profane, as is our wont, this episode runs the gamut from existential crisis born of bicycle thievery...to matter-of-fact categorizing of unfortunate skin conditions, such as furuncles, boils, wart, and corns. Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy year.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Pearl Jams, epileptic orgasms, and other sex stuff

- The ongoing adventures of Allen Wrench, P.I.

- A lesson in distinguishing between "raspberrying" and "motorboating"

- Teat suckling modes of transportation

- Tasty treats, like wall spaghetti and corn pads

It's been a long December, and there's reason to believe...maybe this *something-that-rhymes-with-"round bouncing ball of marsupials"* will be better than the last. Candi and Jason Vincent, of Pranksgiving 2020 fame, are up in the canyons for our *something-that-rhymes-with-"ghost's-occupation"* episode, and GAMES are afoot! Or anose. Or akidney stone. Something Operation-related.

Other discussion topics may include:

- The sudden realization that you have an IMDB page

- Washing the hair of a TV male British housekeeper

- The Brittle of San Francisco, starring Almond Rocca

- Paper baggery, magnetic hair, dead brain spots, and other means of physical self improvement

- The very slim possibility this episode may begin a war with Russia

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, which means guests! games! ... and gas? Let our leading extra, Gennie Adams, jingle your bells with baking stories (both weed and culinary), OnlyFans ASMR, and the filthiest anagrams known to Baby Jesus. 

Other conversation topics may include:

- How to feign interest in what your podcast co-host is saying

- What is the world's hottest food? Spoiler: It's a pot pie

- Telepathically summoning children, and other Santa Claus creepiness

- Erectile dysfunction pill advent calendars...which isn't even a joke, it turns out

- Perfectly reusable prerecorded season ridicules. Our gift to you.

Let's get intimate, shall we? Are you a rowdy sleeper and wake up with limbs all akimbo and pillows strewn all over the bed and whole asscrack hanging out, like Doug? Or are you a vampire and sleep on your back with your arms crossed on your chest and wake your partner up by laughing in your sleep, like Alice (and Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine-Nine)?

Tune in for further fascinating discussions on lucid dreaming, night demons, and bed head. (Is "bedhead" one word or two? Do they mean different things depending on which...if you know what I mean?)

Other discussion topics may include:

- Oral folding instructions for underwear origami

- An unnecessary indictment of the fine people of Santa Fe

- A host of alarming impressions of alarms from the hosts

- How late is too late to begin a new format on your podcast?

- A nostalgic look at the commando movement

DISCLAIMER: Listening to this podcast and/or interacting with its social media accounts may produce feelings of euphoria, existential mania, and incurable shame-pride. Recent studies show that it may also cause impotence, stupidity, loss of imagination, and general human difficulty. It is not a substitute for regular medical visits, social interaction, and legitimate educational pursuits.

Other discussion topics may include:

- The unexpected time suck that is Family Feud's customization options

- A behind the scenes look at Going Terribly's episodic "filth quota"

- The hurtfulness of a follicular slur

- Protagonists, antagonists, and Pat Sajak's wife

- A belated celebration of Pretend You're a Time Traveler Day, which will have happened tomorrow

It's almost Alice and Doug's anniversary of the couplins. AND WHY DOES AUTOCORRECT REFUSE TO LET ME SPELL IT THAT WAY?!?!?!

Anyway, they'll celebrate with some high art and low balls and of course, swordfuls of meat brought to their table at regular intervals.

Other discussion topics may include:

- The pure art and sheer brilliance of a sideways urinal

- How pockets should be far more respected in modern society (stop making fun of cargo shorts)

- The fascinating link between Mark Twain, Halley's Comet, and ho trains

- Learn about a bologna that you wouldn't be ashamed to eat

- The birth of rock and roll, and then whatever Dave Matthews turned it into

Have you ever served on a jury? Do you know anyone who has? What about in a restaurant test market or a Gallup poll or the survey of 100 people on Family Feud? Does anyone know anybody who's ever responded to any allegedly significant public opinion research ever? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE WHO HOLD OUR LIVES IN THEIR HANDS?!?!?!

Alice was rejected for Jury Duty again, and Doug unearths a conspiracy about false celebrity birthdays. WE'RE ALL STUCK IN A SIMULATION!!!!

Other discussion topics may include:

- Stasis Mom: The video game that will make Going Terribly and Fountains of Wayne millions

- Groundhog Day and the movies and shows it inspired

- Celebrities obtaining cake through nefarious means

- Some dogs have human names, some killers have three names...so what happens if a dog has three human names?

- Groundhog Day and the movies and shows it inspired