Going Terribly

She's a rare breed of unicorn, and he's in the business of misery. When Emily and Jake meet-cute at a recovery group for nose fetishists, sparks fly. But while they're engaging in pankkake and deciding whether GIFs are the ultimate love language, a sadistic ventriloquist and its doppelgänger capture them and make them sing the entire Moulin Rouge soundtrack together while replacing every instance of the word "love" with "Doug." Can their relationship survive such frisky ear violence, or will they have to update their OK Cupid profiles?

Spend your VD with Going Romantically, starring Emily Jean Durchholz and Jakob Bilinski. Episode out now!

Other discussion topics may include:

- Years of Oxen and Cocksen

- An opportunity to not win a brand new German dishwasher!

- How much have all of us been missing each other's noses?

- Renée Santz, professional belch artist

- Wife swapping, credit card swiping, and A Clockwork Orange-style threats...you know, real romantic stuff

Hello listener. This is your wake-up call. Every day of your working life, you have stumbled around like a zombie, listening to the same true crime podcasts you've consumed for the past decade. Now YOU are the cause of your own existential ennui. 

Your aim in this game is to check out Doug and Alice's podcast. You have...a lot of time to do it in. There are carefully curated social media accounts for you to follow too. When there's this much laughter, poop jokes, and highbrow tangents on the airwaves, the only thing left to do is...lend us your ears. (Metaphorically, not like, literally chop them off and send them to us or something serial killery like that.)

There are ways to win this game hidden all around you. I mean, okay, episodes are "hidden" in plain sight on Apple, Spotify, Google, and pretty much every other podcast provider. If you do not listen to this episode by next week, previously downloaded episodes will back up in your queue, and it'll be harder to catch up, and that's worse than having to saw off your own foot, amirite? Let the game begin.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Atrocious eating habits of supposed adults

- Eye socket weight lifting... No, seriously.

- Popular Super Bowl party snacks for babies

- It's Groundhog Day and National Tater Tot Day. Recipe swap anyone?

- The Saw franchise has recently become very popular around the office, in case you couldn't tell.

It's a great day for a great day. Alice talks loooong and hard about Dungeons, Dragons & Beyond -- yep, we're doing that kind of podcast now -- and Doug takes us on a side quest through the wonders of peanut brittle, green juice, and Jungle Jim's -- the biggest grocery store-cum-tourist attraction in the world. Yeah, we used the traditional, dictionary definition of cum, what of it? 

Other discussion topics may include: 

- How to properly orchestrate a draft for your fantasy marathon team 

- The importance of having fun, even when you’re not having fun 

- Delivering pies in times of chaos and/or Christmas 

- The secrets of using pom poms to make biscuits 

- Problematic fecal trajectories resulting in insubordination emesis

Colors of the world, Doug up your life.

It's Doug's birthday episode, and Alice has prepared a raucous gauntlet of Spice Girls-themed games...for no reason at all. 

Other discussion topics may include:

- How not to make a game show video game

- The long awaited return of KÄKwords 

- Baby's Mad Doug Story Time

- The lost art of sliming ostriches

- Is underwater, immediately after nearly dying, part of your proposal plan?

Alice and Doug will return on Tuesday, January 19th for Doug's special birthday epic! But before that, for this second abbreviated edition of the show, they've handed the keys to the Going Terribly-mobile over to Intern Sean. Can he write a wildly comedic script that will have you doubling over in laughter as he has promised?* You'll have to listen to find out! 

*I mean, probably not, right? Dude has a hard time remembering to wear pants to work.

Alice and Doug are taking a little bitty two-week break and will return promptly on Tuesday, January 19th with a special episode for Doug's birthday! To hold you over, here is the first of two "Minisodes" (it means "mini episode" - we promise) where our two hosts will fill everyone in on what they'll be doing over the break. 

Doug and Alice get a bit pensive for this retrospective (retrospectus?) episode by recounting the highlights and lowlights of 2020 (high: that one painting of a girl laughing at a painting of a butt; low: solipsistic fibrosis) that led to the very creation of Going Terribly -- ultimately discovering that things might not be going so terribly after all :)

Alice even surprises Doug with a multiple choice New Year's movie quote game! Spoiler Alert: the D's are always dirty.

Other discussion topics may include:   

- The highlights of 2020. Including - and almost completely limited to - washing laundry and eating pastries.

'Twas the episode before Christmas, when all through the sludge,

Special guest Wendy Brown joins Alice and Doug for magical tales of Christmas wonder. And a lot of really filthy stuff. Doug surprises them with two holiday games – HoliCrayCray Traditions and Terrible Santagrams – as well as a very special holiday radio play. Wendy teaches everyone a game of her own that is soon adapted with hilarious results. And Alice once again proves herself the Ultimate Word Nerd.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Do cocooned insects taste like pickles?

- How to flawlessly execute an Austrian accent

- A plea to have a calendar made in the next 10 days

- The true meaning of Christmass™: terrifying children

- The sounds and consequences of dinosaur excrement

Dearest Going Terribly devotees,

The coda of this pernicious solar revolution that threatened to never meet its quietus is finally nigh. A festive holiday denouement is upon us, and with it, comes grammarian pedantry, spectral flatulence, osculation via rosaceae, feline scatology, and a superannuated missive mission with a soupçon of thespian flair. 

Blessed be those who hearkened to our auricular meshugas this autumn eterne.

May we remain ever your humble servants,

Madam Aläis & Sir Dùghlas

Other discussion topics* may include:

- Roleplaying  (totally nonsexual)

- The easy to avoid pitfalls of mogwai and Uncrustables

- A very manly bath night (possibly nonsexual)

- Oompa Loompas, Hanson, and more Lord of the Rings mythology

- How handsome, financially stable, and appropriately shaven Intern Sean is

*"Other discussion topics" this week provided by Intern Sean

Like Roberto Esquivel Cabrera's American Girl Doll-sized penis, which is actually mostly foreskin, this episode of Going Terribly is mostly It Went Terribly. Let us regale you with tales of how Alice's second favorite band disappointed her and how giant penises have disappointed us all.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Law & Order butt plates

- A breakdown of favorite time traveling movies and how Queen Elizabeth II was alive during them all

- How Miss Piggy became the world's most famous side of bacon

- A great wrist injury story, which surprisingly has nothing to do with Mr. Cabrera

- From Chocolates to Sex Toys: A Choose Your Own Advent-ure Calendar