Going Terribly

It's 4/20, and Alice waxes poetic about White Castle's delightful munchies, and Doug definitely, absolutely, incontrovertibly DOES NOT wane at length about Steve Guttenberg and his entire cinematic catalog. Let's just say, it takes...more than two... There's also a chicken salad debate. If you know, you know. 

Other discussion topics may include: 

- Brains, Eggs, and Frying Pans: The Rachael Leigh Cook Story 

- Potential Familial Poltergeists and the Funky Bunch 

- Alaska's Hitchcockian wholesale nightmare

- Tossing on your bloody spats and stumbling into a Love Castle 

- Chili vs. Brownies: Where do beans belong more?

Henrietta Jones-Flaherty was an aspiring butter carvist in Evansville 1936. She gained accolades for her butter sculptures, but jealousy amongst insiders and vile ridicule slung by outsiders eventually caused her to suffer an emotional break. 

Her husband and mother-in-law soon deemed her unfit for society and boarded her up in the attic, with only dry macaroni for sustenance and a string and tin can phone for communication. Every other Tuesday, her children would go upstairs, and she would make etchings of their time together.

Her ghost can sometimes be heard, emanating through the cracks in the walls of Doug's house, importuning a chilling query: "Who you gonna call?..."

Special birthday guest, Mikayla Robledo, joins Alice and Doug this week to lead a seance to bust this butter ghost. Let us join hands and murmur.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Discarded body parts being left all over the studio floor

- Sinking ships, dead presidents, friends' birthdays, and other timely tragedies

- The grossest idea for beer pong we've ever heard

- PSAs, IUDs, and BMs

- How Scrabble has branched into she-bagging

Alice almost but doesn't win a prestigious playwriting award, and Doug almost but doesn't legally change his name to the name of a food in order to get a lifetime supply of said food. YET.

Other discussion topics may include: 

- How the Swedes turn trash into food made out of trash

- Wives who are making obituaries fun again

- The truth about red meat and chocolate being superior to spinach and other vegetables

- Do you have a ghost? Or just a failing temple? 

- "Ravenous Periods," "Grape Soda Poops," and other fun band names

It's time for a virtual vacation, so don't go anywhere! Just listen to Doug and Alice talk about strapping themselves into a sweaty VR headset to perform boring, everyday tasks such as kickboxing, flipping burgers, and chauffeuring creepy old men around town. Oh wait, that last one was real life. They should really make an Uber VR game. 5 out of 5 stars would recommend...

Other discussion topics may include:

- A possible confession to aiding and/or abetting in a drug deal

- Which words for vagina are *you* least comfortable saying?

- How COVID-19 has changed dining habits, such as not eating after strangers

- Adolescents and the ice cream-related songs they maybe shouldn't listen to

- The usual filth and foulness, but this time a more serious filth and foulness.

In honor of World Theatre Day on March 27, local thespians, Kevin Roach and Zachary Charlemagne Tieken, regale the dastardly duo with tales of on-stage fellatio (via fried fowl), on-stage intercourse (via goats [both the acronym and the animal]), and Verfremdungseffekt (via Brecht's alienation of the audience, duh).

Other discussion topics may include:

- Theatre-related injuries, such as nearly hanging one's self to death (and not in the fun way)

- The smell of gasoline, not wearing a tie, and other ways to make an audience leave before intermission

- A game like Käk-words, but...somehow possibly dirtier?

- A preview of the upcoming summer blockbuster Aerosol: Mist of Spittle

- Stories of sacrificial pork rinds, intentional acid spills, and penis enlargements

It's Spring Break, bitches. Doug and Alice go out of town and get schwasted on Bosnian food and boozy ice cream, respectively. Then they return to discuss heady issues like hostile architecture against the homeless, moral imperatives of the vegan lifestyle, and how long before the Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson comes out with the People's Vaccine.

Other discussion topics may include:

- The crappy recycling of a conversation about a drink that recycles crap

- What is the most money you've ever spent on mac and cheese at one time?

- The downsides of veganism, such as ruling out a future in cannibalism

- A dive into depressed rhinos, nosy owls, and fungable Kings

- The sad tale of how four friends missed their chance to be in the Dark Order

Welp. It has finally happened. Twenty-three episodes in, and Doug and Alice discuss whether or not they would actually eat human flesh. And not just eat any old human flesh, but like go to a niche (legal) restaurant and have a meal curated by a live human specimen who'll then carve off part of their own buttock or something.

Other discussion topics may include: 

- A multitude of perfectly legal ways to dispose of a dead body

- Touching dogs "down by the river"

- Where do you put the head after a proper guillotining? 

- Koozies vs. Floaties: How knowing the difference can save a life

- Finally learn what Miley Cyrus, video games, and Cambodian cinema shotguns have in common.

Here they come to wreck the day! Doug and Alice reflect on morality, art, and the sins of our forebears, and the crock that is chiropractic medicine, and toxic metals in baby food, and dear lord, is anything good anymore?!

Other discussion topics may include:  

- The historical significance of Marie Antoinette's role in Alice in Wonderland 

- Exploring the differences between vaginal and clitoral sneezes 

- How to stay out of situations where your head might explode 

- There's something in the notes that just says "bear semen"...so enjoy that 

- American Girl dolls obviously come up again

al1c3 and d0ug d1sh 4b0ut r3tr0 vid30 g4mes, s0r0r17y h4z1ng, s3xually 3xpl1c1t n0v3ls, ge771ng p13d 1n th3 fac3, and 0f c0urs3, murd3r-su1c1d3. Sever4l pl0ts 0f sever4l p0p cultur3 phen0men4 g3t sp0il3d, but h3y, d0n'7 b3 such a n00b. Y0u kn3w what y0u w3r3 ge771ng 1nt0 w1th th3s3 tw0 pwn3rs. w00t. 

Translation: Alice and Doug are terrible. What did you expect? 

Other discussion topics may include:  

- The Simpsons or Street Drugs: Which is better for your child? 

- A serious pitch for a society changing new game show 

- The incredible skills of commercial acting, audiobook reading, and those agonizing mine cart levels on Donkey Kong Country 

- Celebrating the visionary siblings who make Monopoly and sausage  

- Your chance to win a huge prize if you have obscure tastes or are okay with lying

Have you decided what you're giving up for Lent? Milk? Bread? Warm weather? We are definitely not second-guessing Punxsutawney Phil today... Snowpocalypse is nigh, so cure your VD hangover with a little hair of the dog, and cuddle up with our good friend, first guest, top fan, and birthday boy, Josh Weiland! 

Gamemaster Doug has concocted a clean slate of dirty games, and Cat Whisperer Alice will attempt to keep Alfredo from mounting anyone's Bakula.

- An incomplete oral history of U.S. Vice Presidents and their respective rhythms

- The Return of the Original Poop Knife

- How many restrooms could YOU sneak into if you were a deer?

- Everybody threatens to move to Iowa

- Toilet clogging, Amish shaking, and other adventures