Having It A.L.L.

What is your sexual story?

No, I'm not talking about a romance novel type of story. I'm talking about the narrative you have around sex, the one that was started many years ago with your very first encounters with the ideas, feelings and attitudes around sex.

We all have a sexual story that was started when we were young and is being added to constantly. Many people's stories around sex are based in shame, judgement, embarrassment and expectation. That leads to sexual experiences and feelings that are unhealthy and certainly don't uplift and heal.

But it doesn't have to be that way! You can rewrite your sexual story, heal those sexual wounds you carry, and create an entirely new sexual experience for yourself that's based in love, feels authentic, and full of genuine connection.

Today I'm kicking off a series about sex which will help you transform your views on sex, from the inside out.

If you want to reach out to me with episode topic suggestions, feedback about the podcast in general, or just to say hi, you can do so in two ways:

How stressed out do you feel right now? Have you dealt with stress earlier today or this week?

We all experience stress, it's part of life. But not everybody relates to stress in the same way. You have your own go-to methods for dealing with your stress, and some are more effective than others.

Years ago it became a personal mission of mine to get on top of my stress and anxiety, and learn how to deal with it in more healthy ways. Drinking, smoking and pornography were not leading me down the path I wanted, and so I sought out other means of relating to the circumstances in my life.

In today's episode I'm sharing with you a massive breakthrough I had that led to me looking at stress in a whole new way. The "7 minutes" breakthrough as I like to call it, has helped me get back into my center when life's stressors have knocked me out of alignment. I'm sharing this with you today with the goal of inspiring you to take a harder look at your triggers and the things that stress you out in life, and to seek out true healing so you can experience the joy you truly desire.

If you want to reach out to me with episode topic suggestions, feedback about the podcast in general, or just to say hi, you can do so in two ways:

Resources from this episode:

Other Having It A.L.L. episodes about stress with action items and takeaways:

How do you feel about meditation? What about meditating in the shower??

Meditation and mindfulness are two of the most powerful self care habits available to all of us. If you don't have a meditation or mindfulness practice currently, I highly recommend you start creating one (see my episodes on meditation for simple ways to get started).

Over the years I've developed a nice arsenal of self-care tools that I can deploy when I'm feeling stuck, challenged, frustrated or stressed.

Meditating while in the shower has been very effective for me over the years as a way to eliminate stress and get back into my "sweet spot".

In today's episode I break down what shower meditation is, how I practice it, and walk you through steps to trying it our for yourself.

If you want to reach out to me with episode topic suggestions, feedback about the podcast in general, or just to say hi, you can do so in two ways:

Do you enjoy pain?

Most people don't, and it makes sense. Pain hurts. Pain is uncomfortable. Pain isn't something that a sane person wants to run towards.

Yet, what if I told you that pain was inevitable....that whether you chose to step up, stay put or step back, pain would be present. Would that change the choices you made?

In today's episode I share with you the illusion of pain, and how we trap ourselves believing that we are avoiding pain. 

A quote from the psychiatrist R.D. Laing sums it up nicely:

“Pain in this life is not avoidable, but the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.”

If you want to reach out to me with episode topic suggestions, feedback about the podcast in general, or just to say hi, you can do so in two ways:

Where are you not feeling fully expressed?

Self expression is one of the most important aspects of Having It All. Allowing yourself to be, do and say what is real and true for you is as important as breathing. However, it's a habit that can easily be overlooked and brushed aside. 

In today's episode I break down the importance of feeling fully expressed, the consequences of not living a life of authenticity, and how you can start expressing yourself more and more in your everyday life. 

Buckle in because you will feel inspired to take action after listening to this episode!

If you want to reach out to me with episode topic suggestions, feedback about the podcast in general, or just to say hi, you can do so in two ways:

What does "self love" really mean?

Self love conversations are ubiquitous these days. Everyone's talking about. But beyond "positive self affirmations" and "choosing healthy foods" do we really know what self love means? Do we understand what the essence of self love is and how certain activities that we do, many times without thinking, are undermining all of the surface level self love work we put so much effort into?

In this episode I'm going to give you a completely new way to look at self love. It's not another thing for you to do, but a lens through which to look at all of your self love activities. 

This was a fun episode for me because I recorded the entire thing while I was walking to the movies. Sarah was out of town with the car for the weekend, and when I wanted to go catch a movie it meant I was walking. During my walk I was observing how taking myself to movies was an act of self love, and the idea for this episode was born.

Once you listen, I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, and feedback on the episode. You can email me directly at [email protected] or reach out on Instagram @matthew_bivens.

No matter what your thoughts are on fasting, one thing that's undeniable is that you currently have some sort of relationship with food, with eating and with your emotions, and they are doing a dance together that's either raising your health or lowering it!

For me, I love fasting as a tool for healing (physically as well as emotionally, mentally and spiritually). I've been turning to fasting on a consistent basis since 2015, and it has changed my life. 

In today's conversation I'm sharing with you my biggest insights from a 3-day juice fast I recently did, and I'm relating these insights in a way that you're guaranteed to be able to apply them to your life (whether you've ever fasted or not). 

Bottoms up!

Do you consider yourself a Perfectionist? Are you constantly feeling like you're not doing or being enough? Do you judge yourself harshly because you're failing to live up to your standards or expectations?

So many of us suffer from the need to be "perfect". Logically you understand that perfection is not possible, yet you still hold this impossible standard for yourself in life (perhaps as a parent or entrepreneur or friend or just as yourself). 

I have had my struggles with perfectionism, and as I've wrestled with it over the years I've discovered a way to stop stressing about being perfect and instead focus on making incremental progress. 

In today's episode I'm talking about progress versus perfection, and I'm giving you real strategies that you can apply in your life to focus more on making small steps forward and less on being perfect.

Want to get in touch with me to share your experience with perfectionism? Email me at matthew [at] matthewbivens [dot] com, or DM me on Instagram @matthew_bivens.

Where are you feeling stuck in life?

We all have an "Epic Challenge" - an area in our lives where we're feeling stuck, where we're not enjoying the experience and are having a hard time changing things. 

In today's episode I'm sharing with you my most recent Epic Challenge which was creating a lot of stress and frustration in my life. I'm peeling back the layers on what I go through to face my challenges, and the people and processes that I've brought into my life to help me. 

Want to get in touch with me to share your Epic Challenge? Email me at matthew [at] matthewbivens [dot] com, or DM me on Instagram @matthew_bivens.

In what ways do you manipulate in relationships?

I asked the question in that way because manipulation is something we can all easily do in relationships. It's not always overt and easy to spot. Sometimes it's very subtle and may not even be something you're consciously aware of. Yet, no matter the type of manipulation, it's evidence of deeply unhealthy feelings and beliefs about ourselves.

In today's episode I'm reading an email from a listener who wants some help with her manipulative tendencies in relationships. I talk about the origins of manipulation, how to peel back the layers to address what's really going on, and ways to stop the manipulative behavior as it's happening.

I encourage you to listen to this episode whether you're in a relationship or not, because as you'll learn the origins of manipulation have nothing to do with other people. They have everything to do with how we feel about ourselves.

Want to reach out to me directly with episode ideas, feedback or anything else? Email me at matthew [at] matthewbivens [dot] com or direct message me on Instagram @matthew_bivens