Short episode summary
Buckle up friends because this is a longer episode than usual, but it’s for a very good reason. I’m chatting with my dear friend Melissa Duran. If you’ve ever lost your cool with someone you need to hear the amazing coping mechanisms we share. Tune in now!
Timestamps of big takeaways
[00:14] I’ve got a special treat today! I’m chatting with my dear friend Melissa Duran
[00:36] Melissa introduces herself and shares what she does
[01:19] I share how Melissa and I met
[02:16] Melissa and I hopped on a call and coached each other through how we’re going to handle the holidays and visiting family members that have opposing views
[03:04] Melissa is doing a series on how not to lose your sh*t when talking to people that can trigger you
[04:26] Married to a conservative, Melissa is liberal, and she talks about the dynamics
[05:46] Seeing someone else’s point of view is sometimes the first step in getting along despite your differences
[07:18] Here Melissa shares her tips for the shy woman who needs her voice to be heard, and shares how differently boys and girls are spoken to
[09:06] Who Melissa is now is different from who she was growing up because she was afraid to use her voice to avoid stirring the pot - She used to very much be a people pleaser
[09:44] The 5 tips are so important, especially for women because we are all different, but we all deserve to have a voice
[11:20] We can have different beliefs. That is okay, and we can learn from each other
[12:27] Because she cares about her marriage and loves her husband, Melissa admits that she’s done the most work with her husband on letting him have his own opinions without allowing him to trigger her. And that’s the first of the 5 things - Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion
[13:24] Melissa and I can watch the same program and take two completely different things from it because of our beliefs and backgrounds
[14:18] Sometimes the key to keeping the peace is just to accept that unless everyone agrees on something we have to understand that it’s an opinion - not facts
[15:09] It’s not always easy to avoid losing your cool when you have differing opinions
[15:34] We create our own little bubbles, but we have to step outside of our comfort zones to really get to know people and grow as humans
[16:42] The second of the five things is to hold space for that opinion - this means allowing the person who has a differing opinion to state it out loud without judgment or emotion - and this can be hard!
[18:00] I explain how when it comes to hot button topics, I try to neutralize them as much as possible to avoid being triggered
[20:11] I share a coping mechanism I learned from Peter Bogosian to stop the conversation and ask the other person if they can even see a different perspective for a moment. If not, you can agree to not discuss it further. Period.
[22:33] I discuss my running business and that my partner and I disagree politically
[24:21] The third thing is to realize that a person’s political beliefs are just a small part of who they are. Think of it like a pie - you can have 8 slices and 1 you don’t like. But it’s just a piece
[26:09] I bring up my mantra of not spending unnecessary time with people I don’t like
[28:21] You don’t have to do things you don’t want to do
[29:58] The fourth thing is to put things in perspective and ask yourself, “How much is this really affecting me right now?” Is it really bugging you enough at this moment to have a conflict?
[31:25] Sometimes we use conflict as a scapegoat to avoid talking about the things that are really bugging us. For example, fighting about politics to bypass a hard conversation about overeating or not working out
[33:48] What makes us upset is often what we make it mean rather than what is actually said
[36:21] The last of the five things is to have compassion, but unfortunately anger is easier to market than getting along with one another
[37:56] Having compassion is often the hardest thing to do when you’re triggered and emotional. But we have to step back and have compassion to mitigate conflict
[40:50] I talk about Adam Grant’s book “Think Again” and a fight between the Wright Brothers
[42:54] You can not agree but live in peace
[45:03] Melissa can be found mostly on Instagram at @UnleashHerVoice. The link is below
[45:27] I’m on Instagram too, and my link is also below
[46:26] We wrap up the episode
Rate, Review & Subscribe Reminder
Don’t forget to like and subscribe to this show. You can also rate and review the show on Spotify or iTunes as well, or you can listen to the show directly on Libsyn here.
Links mentioned in episode
Melissa’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/unleashhervoice/
Ep 27 Daily Mantras https://havingtoughconversations.libsyn.com/daily-mantras
"Think Again” by Adam Grant - Grab a copy here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZC68VN/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Ep 015 Think Again - Part 1 https://havingtoughconversations.libsyn.com/ep-15-think-again-part-1
Ep 016 Think Again - Part 2 https://havingtoughconversations.libsyn.com/ep-16-think-again-part-2
Caroline’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinebjorkquist/
https://carolinebjorkquist.com/
https://www.havingtoughconversations.com/
Have questions? Email me at [email protected]
