Having Tough Conversations Podcast

Short episode summary

In part two of our discussion on overcomplicating things, we dive a little deeper into the subject. Now that we’re examining our thoughts, can we create our results? Tune in and find out!

Timestamps of big takeaways

[00:14] We’re continuing our discussion of overcomplicating things from last week, and today’s episode came out on 11/11

[00:40] Last week we talked about how your thoughts create your results, and I reflect on that and how you may have felt since my challenge to consider your thoughts

[01:30] As you start considering your thoughts, you can truly start changing your outcome

[02:10] If your thoughts can influence your results, can you do it for everything?

[03:11] When you look at life from an optimistic approach, you get more positive results

[03:51] Open up your mind to a problem, and it will give you the solution

[04:40] I recommend a book by Dr. Wayne Dyer - “The Power of Intention”

[05:00] I share an example of never getting sick because I don’t get sick

[06:29] You gotta keep your thoughts in that positive realm

[06:55] My challenge to you this week is to think about what you really want

[07:23] I’d love to hear from you if things start popping up for you

[07:51] Email me if the things you want come into your life. Tell me about it!

Rate, Review & Subscribe Reminder

Don’t forget to like and subscribe to this show. You can also rate and review the show on Spotify or iTunes as well, or you can listen to the show directly on Libsyn here. 

Links mentioned in episode

Ep 33 Overcomplicating Part 1 https://havingtoughconversations.libsyn.com/ep-33-overcomplicating-part-1

“The Power of Intention” by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000SEIJ6A/ 

Did your thoughts manifest into results? Reach out at [email protected], and tell me about it!

https://carolinebjorkquist.com/

https://www.havingtoughconversations.com/

Have questions? Email me at [email protected]

Short episode summary

Thoughts become results. Can it really be this simple? Find out in this week’s episode!

Timestamps of big takeaways

[00:14] Today, I’m talking about making things overly complicated

[00:45] It comes up so often when I’m coaching people about their thoughts

[01:13] I share a couple of examples of simple training that people make complicated

[02:16] What if “doing” something isn’t what counts? What if it’s really about your thoughts?

[02:50] I use an example of approaching a neighbor, and how my thoughts about the interaction can sway the outcome

[03:53] The same thing can happen with posting on social media. How we think and feel about what we’re posting, can also directly affect the outcome.

[04:34] Feelings don’t happen until thought generate them - and I drive this point home with an unexpected example

[05:57] I share another example of a windfall and subsequently getting it taken away

[06:48] When you think things, you feel things, and then you do something as a result

[07:15] My challenge is to simplify things this week and realize it all starts with your thoughts

Rate, Review & Subscribe Reminder

Don’t forget to like and subscribe to this show. You can also rate and review the show on Spotify or iTunes as well, or you can listen to the show directly on Libsyn here. 

Links mentioned in episode

Interested in a free discovery coaching call? Reach out at [email protected]

https://carolinebjorkquist.com/

https://www.havingtoughconversations.com/

Have questions? Email me at [email protected]

Short episode summary

If the news has you triggered and afraid of feast, famine, and civil war, you’re not alone. In this episode, I share why, now more than ever, it’s critical you work on your own self-worth, and get your mindset right.

Timestamps of big takeaways

[00:14] We’re going to talk about alleged discord in our country and globally right now 

[00:50] Looking back, I can see where things happened in the past, and I was blissfully unaware

[01:16] A lot of the news is fear-mongering and clickbait - anger fuels clicks and media sales

[01:50] I’m becoming acutely aware of how marketing affects us - but we can choose to feel and think differently than the media and our surroundings are pushing us to feel and think

[02:09] How we look at our life, and how we perceive our world, can come back to something as simple as our own self worth

[02:25] What’s going on can impact your work and home life - if you let it

[03:01] Often how we perceive the news is a direct result of things happening in our own lives

[04:10] Lately, I’ve been asking myself “what if” questions about the news to see how it makes me feel - to get to the root of my own outlook and beliefs

[05:09] Take pause and really consider some what-ifs, and see what comes up for you

[06:08] Doing this exercise lets you take back some control rather than allowing yourself to be overrun and triggered by clickbait - you can decide where you stand regardless

[06:39] I share a news thing with Ben and Jerry and what happened on television regarding international politics

[07:58] I challenge you to get out of your circle of friends and family, and sit with your own thoughts, and figure out how you think and feel. And, consider why.

Rate, Review & Subscribe Reminder

Don’t forget to like and subscribe to this show. You can also rate and review the show on Spotify or iTunes as well, or you can listen to the show directly on Libsyn here. 

Links mentioned in episode

https://carolinebjorkquist.com/

https://www.havingtoughconversations.com/

Have questions? Email me at [email protected]

Short episode summary

We’ve all done it. We say, “I should have done this,” or “ I should have done that.” But really, we’re shoulding all over ourselves. Tune in now, to learn what this means and how it can hurt your mindset.

Timestamps of big takeaways

[00:14] I want to share something I’ve been coaching running clients on

[0027] I coach runners on mindset with my running coach partner Valerie Hunt

[00:48] Interestingly enough, mindset has a lot to do with many aspects of life, and it’s part of why I became a life coach

[01:30] A topic we discussed recently with our running clients is the idea of “shoulding on yourself” - and it carries into more than just running - “I should have done this or that…”

[02:24] What you do isn’t what we’re talking about - it’s about how you feel about what you do

[02:55] Don’t “should” on yourself or on your friends because it doesn’t feel good

[03:20] I share an example of a friend shoulding on another friend

[04:12] Someone shoulding on you, can be triggering

[05:10] What do you do when someone makes you feel triggered by shoulding on you?

[06:00] I challenge you to look at how you speak to yourself or others

[06:29] At the same time, you can choose to take someone’s words as encouraging too

[07:19] Really look at the words you're using this week, and just see what comes out of it.

Rate, Review & Subscribe Reminder

Don’t forget to like and subscribe to this show. You can also rate and review the show on Spotify or iTunes as well, or you can listen to the show directly on Libsyn here. 

Links mentioned in episode

RunRX on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/runrx/ 

https://www.runrx.fit/

https://carolinebjorkquist.com/

https://www.havingtoughconversations.com/

Have questions? Email me at [email protected]

Short episode summary

Sometimes what makes us mad about other people is a direct reflection of the things we can’t stand about ourselves. Let’s dive into what you can do about it!

Timestamps of big takeaways

[00:14] This week I want to talk about my recent interview with Melissa Duran

[00:40] Harsh truth alert - sometimes what you don’t like in others is a reflection of what you don’t like in yourself

[01:10] The things you like about others are also a reflection of you

[02:10] Your thoughts create your results - so what you think about in yourself, you bring about in terms of who you interact with

[02:40]Become aware of who you are, and your characteristics with a simple exercise I share

[03:27] If you doubt this exercise will work, I challenge you to get on a discovery call with me

Rate, Review & Subscribe Reminder

Don’t forget to like and subscribe to this show. You can also rate and review the show on Spotify or iTunes as well, or you can listen to the show directly on Libsyn here. 

Links mentioned in episode

Ep 28 - 5 Tips to Help You Not Lose Your Sh_t with Melissa Duran https://havingtoughconversations.libsyn.com/5-tips-to-help-you-not-lose-your-sh_t-with-melissa-duran 

Interested in a free discovery coaching call? Reach out at [email protected]

https://carolinebjorkquist.com/

https://www.havingtoughconversations.com/

Have questions? Email me at [email protected]

Short episode summary

You are enough. You are enough. Do you believe me? If not, you need this episode right away! Tune in now!

Timestamps of big takeaways

[00:14] I open the show reflecting on the amazing conversation I had in the last episode with Melissa Duran

[00:50] For as different as Melissa and I are, I love that we could connect on something we were both feeling - If you missed the episode, be sure to grab the link below!

[01:28] Everything I’m coaching my clients on all comes down to one big elephant in the room - you thinking you’re not good enough!

[02:48] Another common thread I’m seeing across all of my coaching clients is thinking they don’t have enough time - but it’s actually related to feelings of not being good enough

[03:55] A third commonality is the feeling of not knowing how to do something or make a change - and you guessed it! This also goes back to feelings of unworthiness

[04:23] I want to challenge you to consider whether or not feeling like you’re not good enough is true or just a false story you tell yourself

[04:30] Even I have had feelings of being unworthy, and I share about some times I felt this way

[05:50] I share a moment in my life where it became clear to me that I am enough, and so is every person on this planet

[07:00] I challenge you to consider how amazing it is that you are here right now, and if you don’t feel like you are enough, I’d love to hop on a discovery call with you

Rate, Review & Subscribe Reminder

Don’t forget to like and subscribe to this show. You can also rate and review the show on Spotify or iTunes as well, or you can listen to the show directly on Libsyn here. 

Links mentioned in episode

Ep 28 - 5 Tips to Help You Not Lose Your Sh_t with Melissa Duran https://havingtoughconversations.libsyn.com/5-tips-to-help-you-not-lose-your-sh_t-with-melissa-duran 

Interested in a free discovery coaching call? Reach out at [email protected]

https://carolinebjorkquist.com/

https://www.havingtoughconversations.com/

Have questions? Email me at [email protected]

Short episode summary

Buckle up friends because this is a longer episode than usual, but it’s for a very good reason. I’m chatting with my dear friend Melissa Duran. If you’ve ever lost your cool with someone you need to hear the amazing coping mechanisms we share. Tune in now!

Timestamps of big takeaways

[00:14] I’ve got a special treat today! I’m chatting with my dear friend Melissa Duran

[00:36] Melissa introduces herself and shares what she does

[01:19] I share how Melissa and I met

[02:16] Melissa and I hopped on a call and coached each other through how we’re going to handle the holidays and visiting family members that have opposing views

[03:04] Melissa is doing a series on how not to lose your sh*t when talking to people that can trigger you

[04:26] Married to a conservative, Melissa is liberal, and she talks about the dynamics

[05:46] Seeing someone else’s point of view is sometimes the first step in getting along despite your differences

[07:18] Here Melissa shares her tips for the shy woman who needs her voice to be heard, and shares how differently boys and girls are spoken to

[09:06] Who Melissa is now is different from who she was growing up because she was afraid to use her voice to avoid stirring the pot - She used to very much be a people pleaser

[09:44] The 5 tips are so important, especially for women because we are all different, but we all deserve to have a voice

[11:20] We can have different beliefs. That is okay, and we can learn from each other

[12:27] Because she cares about her marriage and loves her husband, Melissa admits that she’s done the most work with her husband on letting him have his own opinions without allowing him to trigger her. And that’s the first of the 5 things - Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion

[13:24] Melissa and I can watch the same program and take two completely different things from it because of our beliefs and backgrounds

[14:18] Sometimes the key to keeping the peace is just to accept that unless everyone agrees on something we have to understand that it’s an opinion - not facts

[15:09] It’s not always easy to avoid losing your cool when you have differing opinions

[15:34] We create our own little bubbles, but we have to step outside of our comfort zones to really get to know people and grow as humans

[16:42] The second of the five things is to hold space for that opinion - this means allowing the person who has a differing opinion to state it out loud without judgment or emotion - and this can be hard!

[18:00] I explain how when it comes to hot button topics, I try to neutralize them as much as possible to avoid being triggered

[20:11] I share a coping mechanism I learned from Peter Bogosian to stop the conversation and ask the other person if they can even see a different perspective for a moment. If not, you can agree to not discuss it further. Period.

[22:33] I discuss my running business and that my partner and I disagree politically

[24:21] The third thing is to realize that a person’s political beliefs are just a small part of who they are. Think of it like a pie - you can have 8 slices and 1 you don’t like. But it’s just a piece

[26:09] I bring up my mantra of not spending unnecessary time with people I don’t like

[28:21] You don’t have to do things you don’t want to do

[29:58] The fourth thing is to put things in perspective and ask yourself, “How much is this really affecting me right now?” Is it really bugging you enough at this moment to have a conflict?

[31:25] Sometimes we use conflict as a scapegoat to avoid talking about the things that are really bugging us. For example, fighting about politics to bypass a hard conversation about overeating or not working out

[33:48] What makes us upset is often what we make it mean rather than what is actually said

[36:21] The last of the five things is to have compassion, but unfortunately anger is easier to market than getting along with one another

[37:56] Having compassion is often the hardest thing to do when you’re triggered and emotional. But we have to step back and have compassion to mitigate conflict

[40:50] I talk about Adam Grant’s book “Think Again” and a fight between the Wright Brothers

[42:54] You can not agree but live in peace

[45:03] Melissa can be found mostly on Instagram at @UnleashHerVoice. The link is below

[45:27] I’m on Instagram too, and my link is also below

[46:26] We wrap up the episode

Rate, Review & Subscribe Reminder

Don’t forget to like and subscribe to this show. You can also rate and review the show on Spotify or iTunes as well, or you can listen to the show directly on Libsyn here. 

Links mentioned in episode

Melissa’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/unleashhervoice/

Ep 27 Daily Mantras https://havingtoughconversations.libsyn.com/daily-mantras

"Think Again” by Adam Grant - Grab a copy here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZC68VN/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Ep 015 Think Again - Part 1 https://havingtoughconversations.libsyn.com/ep-15-think-again-part-1

Ep 016 Think Again - Part 2 https://havingtoughconversations.libsyn.com/ep-16-think-again-part-2

Caroline’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/carolinebjorkquist/

https://carolinebjorkquist.com/

https://www.havingtoughconversations.com/

Have questions? Email me at [email protected]

Short episode summary

This short episode packs a punch and may uncover some truths about you that you don’t yet realize. Tune in now!

Timestamps of big takeaways

[00:14] Today, I’m sharing a mantra I’ve used for about three decades 

[01:28] To me, the passage by Nathaniel Branden is so powerful that I memorized it

[01:54] Are you pretending in your daily life?

[02:30] Have you ever heard the phrase “Clutching my pearls?”

[02:50] You’re allowed to let your immediate surroundings make you happy

[03:49] Are you keeping silent when you don’t agree with others?

[04:22] Sometimes we need to listen to the opposite side of an argument to really be confident in our opinions

[04:40] Want a recording of the passage in this episode? Email me for a copy, and we’ll chat next week!

Rate, Review & Subscribe Reminder

Don’t forget to like and subscribe to this show. You can also rate and review the show on Spotify or iTunes as well, or you can listen to the show directly on Libsyn here. 

Links mentioned in episode

http://www.nathanielbranden.com/

Interested in the free download I mentioned or a free discovery coaching call? Reach out at [email protected]

https://carolinebjorkquist.com/

https://www.havingtoughconversations.com/

Have questions? Email me at [email protected]

Short episode summary

You can set a boundary that prevents fighting and conflicts in your life. Bold statement isn’t it? Tune in now to find out what I mean!

Timestamps of big takeaways

[00:14] Let’s talk about rules and boundaries. I kick things off with an example of my fence being the boundary telling you not to enter my space without permission or my dogs could bite you

[01:25] What about something that doesn’t have a clear boundary like a fence? I share what that might look like

[02:21] The problem is many of us are scared to set boundaries

[02:53] Let’s look at the fear of boundaries from a different perspective

[03:43] Believe it or not, we’re all narcissistic and selfish to a degree

[04:15] Sometimes a feeling of hurt or disrespect has nothing to do with you

[05:08] You have to set a boundary and have a conversation to prevent issues in the future

[05:28] Making assumptions can cause massive conflict

[06:09] I admit though, some people are just not nice, and I challenge you to set boundaries with them anyway to control your own story and protect your own feelings

[06:58] If someone is not going to respect your boundaries, you have the power to make a change to only interact with people who will respect them

[08:01] At the same time, you can’t expect people to know your boundaries without telling them

[08:35] I talk about my years of experience and how I’ve dealt with caring about what people think

[10:04] The key takeaway I want you to have from this episode is that you can choose how you live your life

Rate, Review & Subscribe Reminder

Don’t forget to like and subscribe to this show. You can also rate and review the show on Spotify or iTunes as well, or you can listen to the show directly on Libsyn here. 

Links mentioned in episode

Ep 24 Manuals for Others and Yourself https://havingtoughconversations.libsyn.com/ep-24-manuals-for-others-and-yourself

https://carolinebjorkquist.com/

https://www.havingtoughconversations.com/

Have questions? Email me at [email protected]

Short episode summary

If the news has you infuriated lately, you need this episode now more than ever. Listen now!

Timestamps of big takeaways

[00:14] I open by discussing a podcast I was listening to about a World War 2 veteran who found a correlation between PTSD and childhood trauma

[01:20] This got me thinking about the United States exit from Afghanistan and the fallout from it

[02:14] In listening to the PTSD episode and the correlation to childhood trauma, it got me thinking about how I would coach someone through feelings of hopelessness or anger

[03:32] Do you feel frustrated about what is happening around you? Perhaps you need healing from past issues to look at the present objectively.

[04:26] I share about how I’m speaking to my younger self to heal past trauma and better equip myself to handle what is going on today in my world around me

[07:26] What past traumas do you need to heal to feel more secure in your own thoughts and feelings? What do you need to say to yourself?

[08:16] You can’t control what is happening around you, but you can control how you react to it, and it may need to start with healing yourself first

[08:53] I give you permission to get off social media and turn off the news. Do something else!

Rate, Review & Subscribe Reminder

Don’t forget to like and subscribe to this show. You can also rate and review the show on Spotify or iTunes as well, or you can listen to the show directly on Libsyn here. 

Links mentioned in episode

https://carolinebjorkquist.com/

https://www.havingtoughconversations.com/

Have questions? Email me at [email protected]