Healing For Love

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Many different reasons cause us to develop abandonment schemas, and two other schemas tend to co-occur alongside an abandonment schema. They are the self-sacrifice schema and the subjugation schema. Those can cause a lot of distress, so you need to become aware of them and the way they could affect you.

With both the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas, you tend to become preoccupied with other people’s thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, and desires. And with both of them, you end up putting yourself aside, either to make the other person happy or to keep them connected to you. In today’s episode, we will be talking about the primary emotions that drive the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas, how those schemas differ, how they affect your relationships, and what you can do to transform them so that they no longer affect you as much as before. Be sure to stay tuned to find out all you need to know about the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas and how to lessen the negative impact they could be having on your life.

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An extended version of the Loving Kindness meditation 


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The loving kindness (or metta) meditation –  is a type of Buddhist meditation which focuses on sending love, care and good will to yourself as well as others.  The old name for this meditation is the  metta bhavana.  In this adaptation of the metta bhavana, I focus on the first stage - sending metta (or love) to ourselves.

These types of meditations are particularly good for helping you cultivate a deep sense of compassion for yourself and others and can help with calming down negative self-talk and negative emotional states.

The loving kindness meditation can also help with developing greater acceptance around situations over which you have no control and helping you accept reality, including other people for who they are.

These kinds of compassions focused meditations also have neurological underpinning and help us change the way we view ourselves, other people and the world in which we live.  With a regular practice we can learn to better handle the ups and downs of everyday life and to develop more positive emotional states and more prosocial or compassion based behaviours.  Research teaches us that a regular mediation practice whether that be mindfulness-based, insight-based or compassion-based, can actually change our brains for the better and can contribute to a healthier life.
 
Dr Gemma Gladstone
www.goodmood.com.au

Visit our podcast page
https://www.goodmood.com.au/a-psychology-and-schema-therapy-podcast/


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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode, Gemma and Justine discuss how the abandonment schema can prevent someone from ending or leaving an unhealthy romantic relationship.  Being able to walk away from a relationship that is not good for you can be a very difficult and daunting experience.

There are some relationships which seem so familiar on a sub-conscious level because the dynamics match or replicate aspects of our earliest attachments - that is our relationships with our parents or care-givers when we were young children.  These relationships are often with partners who cannot commit, are unstable in some way and unavailable in some way.  The flavour of these relationships is that they are inconsistent, with a tenuous or insecure connection.

The 'abandoned child' part of us, feels a sense of "sameness" and stays in these relationships, hoping and longing that the unavailable partner will one day become available.

We also discuss in some detail, why it is especially hard for some people to walk away from an affair that they are having with a married person (ie, an extremely unavailable person). 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

The third in the series of our discussions on the abandonment schema and its role in romantic relationships.

In this episode we discuss the ways that an abandonment schema can play out in an otherwise stable and secure relationship and cause havoc for you and your partner. 

What are some of the ways that an unchecked or largely unhealed abandonment schema can sabotage your relationship? How can you begin to notice your abandonment triggers in this contents and use your "healthy adult" mode to help you navigate through the maze of abandonment feelings.  It's not easy but you can get there over time!

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In the last few years, mainstream psychology has had a lot of focus on self-compassion. About a thousand research papers have been published on the areas of self-compassion, mental health, and the benefits of shifting our internal world and monologue to a more self-compassionate stance, to help us overcome mental health issues like anxiety and depression.

We all need as much compassion as we can get towards ourselves and others. We particularly need it now, when so many of us will not be able to share the holiday season with the ones we love. As humans, we often struggle to show ourselves any care or positive, warm regard because we have been programmed to multitask, survive, take care of others, and be aware of what could go wrong. In our quiet moments, we tend to go to the negative about things that have happened to us in the past and what the future might have in store for us. That makes it hard for us to stay in the zone of a mindful brain.

In this episode, Gemma talks about self-compassion. She explains what it is, the barriers you might have against it, and she gives some tips for bringing self-compassion into your life. Be sure to stay tuned to find out why self-compassion is so important.

Recommended Reading:
The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode, Justine and Gemma discuss a very common issue they see in their practice.  Many of us have a pattern of being attracted to and staying with romantic partners who are emotionally unavailable.  What exactly is Unavailability anyway?

In this episode we focus at depth on this type of relationship dynamic, we give common examples and discuss the schema involved and how they are commonly triggered.  We then discuss how people can begin to change this pattern and what they need to do to start seeing their relationships more clearly and make different choices.

It's a meaty episode.  Stay tuned for further episode related to this important relationship dynamic!

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Are you a People Pleaser?  If so this episode is for you.

The Self-Sacrifice schema falls into the "other-directed" domain in schema therapy.  With this schema you are inclined to attend to the needs of others over and above your own needs.  Failure to do so often results in you feeling guilty about having let people down.   Self-sacrifice can be a form of severe self-suppression and left unchecked it can dominate your life and result in depression down the track.
 
Gemma discusses 6 key signs that suggests you have a major self-sacrifice schema; she discusses the typical family of origin circumstances which produce the schema and also gives advice about how to begin to change and confront this schema.  

The 6 tell-tale signs discussed are:
1. You can't say No.
2. You often feel Guilty.
3. You get validation needs met from being a self-sacrificer.
4. You attract and stay with Narcissists in relationships.
5. You carry a lot of resentment.
6. You are burnt out, feel exhausted and have various health complaints. 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

In this episode, Justine and Gemma dive deep into what a schema is in the context of Schema Therapy.  They discuss the role of parenting, temperament and life experience in the development of early maladaptive schemas (EMS).

Most of the schemas are reviewed and explained with examples to get you thinking.  There is also a meaty discussion of the "other-directed" schemas - such as subjugation & self-sacrifice.  The concept of schema triggering is broken down into an easy to digest explanation of trigger - urge - response (or coping style) to help you make sense of your own strong emotional triggers.  With a special mention of the abandonment schema and how it typically plays out as a relationship saboteur. 

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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

You are not alone, hang in there.  In this episode Gemma discusses some of the psychological consequences of the pandemic and how to take care of ourselves during this difficult period of time.  

With several suburbs in Melbourne Victoria (July 3, 2020) having to go back into Lock-down, anxiety and uncertainty is again on the rise.  Covid-19 has meant that humanity is again facing large-scale collective anxiety and trauma.

This episode gets into some practical tips for coping with isolation and lock-down and asks the question "what does covid-19 trigger for you?".  Stay with this episode for some helpful ways to cope and support around how to care for yourself amidst the chaos. 

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