You might not even realize you have a boy with executive function challenges.

Instead, you (or others) might think he's "disorganized," "lazy," "resistant," or "unmotivated."

Seth Perler was one of those boys. Now, he's an executive function coach who helps other kids develop the skills they need to thrive. Seth is also the founder of The Online Executive Function Summit (TEFOS). TEFOS 2022 is August 5-7 -- and it's FREE! You can use this link to take advantage of the TEFOS 2022 Early Bird Special, which will give you lifetime access to each of the expert-led sources.



This year's TEFOS includes sessions led by previous ON BOYS' guests Tosha Schore, ADHD Dude Ryan Wexelblatt, and Debbie Reber, as well as dozens of other mental health professionals, authors, and neuroscience specialists.

Of course, an August summit won't help you today, so we're re-running a previous conversation with Seth Perler, who reminds us that
“If you want to help a kid who is struggling with homework, grades, procrastination, under acheivement, time management, and motivation, you have to understand ONE thing – and one thing only – and that’s EXECUTIVE FUNCTION.”
In this episode, Jen, Janet & Seth discuss:

 	* What is executive function?
 	* Why boys with executive function challenges don’t struggle with Legos, video games or other activities they enjoy
 	* Why punishments & rewards aren’t effective motivation strategies
 	* Establishing reasonable expectations
 	* Helping kids who are behind (on turning in assignments, etc) “catch up”
 	* When (& how) to reach out to your son’s teacher
 	* How to deal with resistance
 	* Why it’s OK for your son to aim for a D (vs. a B)
 	* Exploring other educational options

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
sethperler.com — Seth’s website

ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt, the ADHD Dude — ON BOYS episode

Twice Exceptional (2e) Boys – ON BOYS episode

Developing a Growth Mindset with Carol Dweck — TED talk

The Shame of ADHD and Executive Function — Seth’s video/blog post, mentioned at 33:10

The Executive Focus Online Summit (TEFOS 22) -- FREE summit organized by Seth



Register for FREE here 

Get LIFETIME ACCESS + transcripts + bonus materials with the Early Bird Special (available thru Aug. 4, 2022)

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Helping Boys with Executive Function Challenges

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If you think you don’t know anybody who takes opioids, have you asked? Those are the words of Julia Pinksy, an Oregon-based mom who lost her son to an opioid overdose. “It’s been 10 years since he passed,” she says,”which seems unbelievable.” In the years since, Julia has devoted herself to opioid overdose education and prevention. Today, she teaches others about opioids & Narcan.Opioid Addiction Can Affect AnyoneOpioids don’t discriminate. Although some people may be more biologically or psychologcially susceptible to addition than others, anyone can become addicted. “Anyone — it doesn’t matter how intelligent, how educated, how knowledgable about drugs you are — it doesn’t stop your body or mind from becoming reliant on it,” Julia says.Narcan Saves LivesNaloxone (better known as Narcan) can immediately reverse the effects of opioids – & save lives. That’s why Julia thinks that every parent should have – & learn how to use — naloxone. It’s also a good idea to teach your kids how to use it.  In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Julia discuss:Why all parents need to know about opioids & narcanWhy some people are so susceptiable to opioid addictionAppropriate management of prescription opioid medicationHow Narcan worksSigns of an opioid overdoseHow to administer naloxone Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Max’s Mission – non-profit organization dedicated to overdose education & prevention Real Talk About Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana — ON BOYS episode  Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com   Sponsor Spotlight: WinonaMenopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. Sponsor Spotlight: EZ MeltsGet a FREE 3-month supply of D3 w your 1st purchase at try.ezmelts.com/onboys Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & DollopNatural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. 


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Opioids & Narcan: What You Need to Know

Boys don’t do as well in school as girls. On the whole, they earn lower grades and more disciplinary referrals. You will typically find more boys in detention than at the top of the class. Are boys the problem? Is there something about masculinity, something about male biology that contributes to these disparate outcomes? Or, are schools the problem? Does the curriculum and environment somehow inhibit boys’ success? Yes. Boys mature more slowly than their female peers, so they’re generally not as well-equipped for the challenges of school as their similarly-aged female peers. Current masculinity standards also ridicule academic achievement or effort and make it difficult for boys to ask for help. And, most school curriculum and practices don’t align well with boys’ needs. In far too many cases, though, adults make things worse rather than better for boys in school. Adult misunderstanding of male development, coupled with intrinsic bias (and intensified by the fact that educators are now being asked to do too many things, with too few resources & too little support), causes many adults to inadvertently exacerbate boys’ problems. And that’s a problem for all of us.  Photo by Mikhail Nilov via PexelsIn this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:Why boys struggle in schoolHow adults unintentially exacerabate boys’ problemsSetting boys up for school success (Choose a play-oriented preschool instead of an academically-oriented one!)Meeting boys’ needs in school
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:When Your Kid is the Classroom Problem Child — The Cut article Why Are Kids Being Forced to Eat Lunch in Silence? — Guardian article Schools — Not Boys — Behaving Badly — Jen’s Building Boys Bulletin about both these articles Boys & School — Building Boys post about the black walnut incident Moving Into the Red: Boys & Education — article by Jen about her son’s kindergarten experience Gifted & Twice-Exception (2E) Boys — ON BOYS episodeSponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookSponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: WinonaMenopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com   Sponsor Spotlight: EZ MeltsGet a FREE 3-month supply of D3 w your 1st purchase at try.ezmelts.com/onboys  


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Do Schools Create “Problem Boys?”

Sextortion disproportionately affects boys. Between October 2021 & March 2023, the FBI & Homeland Security Investigation received more than 13,000 reports of online sextortion of minors. Most of the victims were boys. At least 20 boys have already died by suicide after experiencing sextortion. The FBI is so concerned about these trends that they reached out to ON BOYS podcast. Agents are working to shutdown sextorionists, but they know that parents play a key role in keeping boys safe too. “This trend of targeting boys for financial sextortion — where photos are taken or provided by the boy and then used to extort them for funds, under the impression that they will be shared online — is a scheme that seems to have emerged in the last few years,” says Chris Crocker, Acting Special Agent in Charge of the FBI St. Louis division.Protecting Boys From SextortionBoys ages 14-17 seem to be the primary targets. Sextortionists connect with boys via online platforms (including gaming sites and social media; they often represent themselves as attractive teenage girls, show a lot of interest, perhaps share a sexy photo of “themselves,” and then ask the boy to reciprocate. When he does, they threaten to share the image unless the boy sends them money. “The boys we’ve seen fall for these schemes are not dumb kids. They’re not kids that were necessarily obviously at any sort of risk. They’re good kids, good students, athletes, model kids, the kind of boys you would want your son to grow up to be,” Chris says. “These are not bad kids; these are good kids who make poor decisions. Every person is susceptible to doing that from time to time.” Talk to your boys about sextortion, so they will talk to you if it occurs to them (or a friend). Make sure they know that you will help them, not yell at them or punish them. “It is very important for parents to constantly reassure their children that they can come to them with something like this. Building that trust with your child is really important to avoiding these things – maybe not from occurring ever, but from reaching the worst possible outcome,” Chris says.”This is a really complex issue and there’s no easy way to handle it, but spreading awareness will prevent more of these outcomes.”  Chris Crocker, Acting Special Agent in Charge of the FBI St. Louis DivisionTo Report Sextortion:To contact the FBI, dial 1-800-CALL-FBI or use tips.fbi.gov to provide information online. The FBI’s partner at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children provides guidance on how to remove nude photos online that were taken before a person was 18 years old: https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Chris discuss:What sextortion isWhy boys are often victimsHow to talk to boys about sextortionWhat to do if someone is experiencing sextortionWhat happens when your report sextortionWhat social media sites are doing to combat sextortion
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Sextortion: A Growing Threat Preying on Our Nation’s Teens A Teen’s Death in a Small Michigan Town Led the FBI & Police to an Online Sexual Extortion Scheme This Boy’s Story Highlights Why Instagram’s Taking a New Stance on DMs Instagram to Crack Down on Teen Sextortion Maggie Dent: What Teenage Boys Really Need — ON BOYS episode Talk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024)Sponsor Spotlight: EZ MeltsGet a FREE 3-month supply of D3 w your 1st purchase at try.ezmelts.com/onboys Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a Book 


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FBI: Sextortion Targets Boys

Protein, creatine, & performance enhancing drugs are common in boy world. In fact, most teen boys experiment with them at some point. Approximately 80% of teenage boys say they’ve used a protein supplement within the last 12 months, says Kyle Ganson, an assistant professor who researches boys and body image. “There’s a very broad list of performance enhancers, including dietary supplements and other substances that are perfectly legal and readily available to young people,” Kyle says. These substances are “purported to help you with your performance, with building strength, and with your appearance, but there’s not a lot of research on them and a lot of nuance to them.” Whether they’re looking for this info or not, boys are likely to encounter it online. There are a plethora of social media influencers who hawk supplements and explicitly discuss their workout routines, nutrition, and dietary supplements. Not all of that information is accurate. In many cases, these influencers gain financially when they promote supplements. Understanding boys’ motivation to use these substances is key to supporting them. An abstinence-only approach isn’t likely to work — and not necessary, in most cases, Kyle says. It’s better to engage boys in conversation and help them meet their goals. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Kyle discuss:Protein supplements, creatine, amino acids, pre-workout supplements, & energy drinksSteroids & synthetic hormones, including testosteroneHow media influences (& creates) unrealistic body image ideals for boysWhy boys use performance enhancing supplementsHelping boys find accurate informationTypical paths to supplement useTalking to boys about performance enhancing substancesMasculine norms & muscle-building behaviorsRegulation (& lack of regulation!) of supplements & performance enhancing drugs
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) & Muscle Dysmorphia — previous ON BOYS episode w Kyle Boys & Body Image – ON BOYS episode Zac Efron Admits Bulking Up for Baywatch “Messed” Him Up Rob McElhenney from “Always Sunny” Reveals How He Got So Ripped Safety Reporting Portal — site consumers can use to report adverse eventsSponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookSponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off    Sponsor Spotlight: WinonaMenopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. 
Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com   Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.  


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Protein, Creatine, & Performance Enhancing Drugs

Advocating for boys is one way to help boys and men thrive. At present, there are no governmental commissions working on behalf of boys and men in the United States. Not at the federal level & not at the state level. Even though boys lag behind girls in academic achievement and boys & men experience suicide, murder, drug & alcohol addiction, homelessness, incarceration, & early death at disproportionately high rates. And even though there are multiple commissions dedicated to addressing & advancing the needs of girls and women. Blair Daly, founder of the Washington Initiative for Boys & Men (WIBM) is working to change that. “The male population, I think, can be described as an under-advocated-for population group,” Blair says. “There’s very little organized advocacy.” That’s why he created WIBM, which combines advocacy journalism and grassroots political action to draw attention to the unique needs of boys and men in Washington state. As a result, Washington state may become the first state in the US to establish a Commission on Boys & Men. “Without a focus on the male population, we think a lot is being missed,” Blair says. Advocacy is necessary to focus attention on (& find solutions for) issues that disproportionately harm boys & men. In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Blair discuss:Why boys need advocacyChallenges in advocating for boys & menDeveloping and demonstrating diverse support for boysHow to talk about boys’ issuesThe power of local advocacyWhy moms of boys are such great advocates for boysHow to start advocating for boys
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Washington Initiative for Boys & Men 7 Democrats, 7 Republicans Sponsor 2024 Commission on Boys & Men Legislation — article highlighting the diverse support for a WA Commission on Boys & Men Updated one-pager about WA legislation to develop a Commission on Boys & Men What is the Washington Initiative for Boys & Men? Blair Daly Explains — YouTube video Boys Moms as Boy Advocates — ON BOYS episode featuring Gemma Gaudette 50/50 Shared Parenting — ON BOYS episode Real Talk about Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana — ON BOYS episode Talk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024)Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookSponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com Sponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off  

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Helping Boys with Executive Function Challenges

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