Hi, Fam!

We all want our kids to be resilient. We want them to be critical thinkers. We want them to be respectful, to value diversity, and be tolerant of various lifestyles and backgrounds. Right?

Just like our immune system needs to be challenged by foreign substances, our values, beliefs, and opinions are bolstered and improved by being challenged.

In this episode I'm going to discuss why our kids need to be exposed to alternative points of view in order to become healthy, functioning adults.

[00:43] Have you seen "The Social Dilemma"?

[04:05] We are living in an echo chamber.

[08:18] Each of us are living in our own little universe online

[10:25] If we want our kids to develop critical thinking skills, they must be exposed to alternative points of view.

[12:24] We need to resist the urge to "protect" our kids from any views or opinions that we don't agree with.

[13:32] Shielding your child from an idea makes them more vulnerable to that idea.

[15:43] We want our children to learn how to discern.

[16:23] We want our kids to develop balanced and nuanced opinions.

[17:34] Even some of the best ideas, when taken to the extreme, can become unhealthy.

[19:04] If we want to stay balanced, we need to be exposed to alternative viewpoints.

[20:30] Hearing alternative points of view can bolster yours.

[22:33] I want to teach my children that everyone is at least worth listening to.

[23:23] We want our kids to develop empathy and diversity.

[25:25] I want my kids to understand that it's ok for others to believe differently, live differently, vote differently, etc.

[28:06] I use a Socratic method of asking questions to help my kids think through an idea or opinion.

[29:15] There's always something to learn from other people.

[29:54] Ideas are something that we can contend with.

[31:48] I want my children to understand that we all have more in common with others than what divides us.

If we want our kids to develop empathy & critical thinking, to value diversity & tolerance and understand that it's ok for people to live and believe differently than us, we need to be purposeful about exposing them to alternative points of view. We need to show them that we can contend with ideas, and lead the way as we discern information and value what other people have to say.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resources:

• Join our new course, Depolarize!

Have you ever been shamed or humiliated in front of people? Whether it was during school, a social event, or even online, most of us have been publicly shamed at some point.

How did it make you feel? Did it make you want to change? Did it feel good? Did it feel like they had your best interest at heart? Odds are good your answer is no.

So why do some think that it's ok to continue this into adulthood, especially online?

In this episode I'm going to discuss the call-out culture and what we can do instead.

[01:53] The "callout culture" is spreading like a wild fire...even though public shaming was done away with as a legal form of punishment.

[05:37] What's true in the micro is true in the macro.

[06:35] "How we live each day is how we live our entire lives."

[09:10] Why do some believe you shouldn't publicly shame children, but have no problem doing it to adults?

[10:34] The trend of publicly shaming & calling people out online.

[11:59] What child psychology tells us about public shaming.

[14:29] Why is it ok to publicly shame adults?

[18:47] What should we do when we see or hear something we don't like?

[20:50] Often inaction is the "higher road".

[23:20] Let's make a culture and society that allows a margin for error.

[24:11] In the moments where you need to say something, let's call people in.

[28:15] Let's be curious, humble, and give others the benefit of the doubt.

[29:53] We don't influence our children (or anyone) by attacking them or shaming them.

The call-out culture is unhealthy for us, public shaming doesn't work (and was outlawed for a reason) and people react negatively to being humiliated. Let's all do our part to end the call-out culture.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resources:

• Join our new course, Depolarize!

Do you ever feel like you're struggling under the weight of being an adult? Managing your time, finances, relationships, emotions, children, etc...sometimes life can feel so out of control.

Then you add in anxiety, fear, and worry about things going on around you and in the world at large...it's no wonder so many people are suffering and feel stuck.

In this episode I'll discuss these challenges and talk about what we can do to overcome them.

[03:08] Wednesday's workshop, 9/30/20 @11a Eastern Time

[06:07] What does it mean to be an adult?

[13:15] The difference between adults and grown-ups.

[13:49] Grown-ups have their emotional life in order.

[15:53] Grown-ups have their psychological life in order.

[20:52] Grown-ups have their spiritual life in order.

[21:31] Immature people are obsessed with themselves and others' thoughts and opinions.

[27:18] The key to finding meaning and joy in life is to grow ourselves up.

[31:33] How do we grow up? Mindset work.

[32:40] How do we get our emotional life in order?

[33:13] We must start to take responsibility for feelings and emotions, and start making different choices.

[33:52] How do we get our psychological life in order?

[38:49] How do we get our spiritual life in order?

[43:23] What does it look like to "show up"?

Q&A Section

[55:41] How many people are in the group coaching sessions?

[56:08] Is this coaching for kids or parents?

[56:39] How do you manage a relationship with a family member who is an adult but not a grown-up?

[59:30] How do you break out of these immature cycles when you feel stuck there?

This sort of work (mindset work) is where real change takes place. It's what takes us to the next level and helps us work toward levels of peace, enjoyment, and fulfillment we all crave and deserve. Let's get to work!

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resources:

• Attend Wednesday's webinar "The Unstuck Workshop: 5 scripts you need to flip right now to stop going insane."
• Join our new course, Alchemize!

Do you ever struggle with fear, frustration, worry, anxiety, or negative thoughts?

There can be this running voice in our heads that constantly makes us feel like we're not enough, like we're messing up, like we're a failure. It can be so easy to feel offended, feel like a victim, feel upset, worried, anxious, scared, fearful, doubtful, etc.

In this episode I'm going to talk about how our mindsets are everything, and share a little bit about my own personal story of how my mindset helped me turn things around. And more importantly, how you can too.

[03:43] I used to be so easily offended and shaken up.

[06:13] Our mindset and how we frame things is a huge differentiator in how we experience life.

[14:43] Framing things in a positive light can be very challenging, however.

[17:37] External circumstances don't necessarily link directly to a person's internal experience.

[20:51] How can two people who've been through the same traumatic experience turn out so differently?

[24:07] What mindsets can help us turn things around when we feel stuck, frustrated, hurt, etc.?

[27:22] People have the capacity to change when they want to.

[29:32] We must start to think about how we think about things.

[31:54] In any given situation, we have a choice about our mindset around it.

[32:08] There's a difference between reacting and responding.

[33:20] We can't control much of what happens in the world, but we can control ourselves and how we respond.

We can choose to stay stuck in a fixed mindset, or we can adopt a growth mindset and become the people we want to be. The choice is ours. What will you choose?

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resources:

• Our new course Alchemize opens today!

There seems to be some confusion in our culture between criticism and critique. While criticism can be unhelpful and hurtful, critique is necessary to help us grow, develop, and make wise choices. It's how things improve!

You've probably heard the saying "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." I sometimes get feedback like this when I talk about school or issues in parenting. And I agree! We should always be kind. But perhaps we need to redefine what's "nice."

In this episode I want to discuss the differences between criticism and critique, and how I think critique is necessary and helpful.

[02:24] What design school taught me about criticism.

[05:47] It can be helpful to de-personalize critiques & criticism.

[06:59] We shouldn't say something if it isn't nice, but perhaps we need to redefine what's "nice."

[07:50] We need to be able to discuss the merits and the downsides of various things.

[08:39] Before you speak, ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid." -Bernard Meltzer

[09:38] Differences between criticism and critique.

[13:49] Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. -Dalai Lama

[13:54] It's possible to point out things that need to be changed or improved without being unkind.

[14:42] We need to be less fragile, and handle critique.

[16:01] We don't have to shut down conversations just because there's critique involved.

[16:42] The ability to critique is an incredible skill to have.

[18:38] Critique is how we learn & grow, and it's a sign of maturity.

Critique is something we all need to be open to hearing, and open to giving. It's a skill we can develop, and can greatly enhance our lives and the lives of our children.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

How do you express your love? Is it the same way you receive love? How do your kids experience your love? In this episode I'll discuss the five love languages coined by Gary Chapman and add my take on them. PLUS I'm adding a 6th one to the list.

[02:13] Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages"

[03:19] This can help us understand each other and improve our relationships.

[06:06] These can change as we change.

[07:42] Avoid feelings like you're not good enough.

[09:54] Words of affirmation

[11:50] Physical touch

[13:46] Quality time

[16:23] Acts of service

[20:08] You may not excel at every single one...and that's ok! Most of us are stronger in some and weaker in

[20:34] Gift giving

[22:13] My addition (love language #6): Visionary Leadership

I know sometimes it can feel futile, putting all this work into taking care of and loving our children.

It can leave us wondering whether they'll remember any of it and if it will make a difference. I believe it will make a BIG difference! You're embedding this into their being.

They may not realize it until they're older, but at some point you'll see the fruit of your hard work!

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resources:

• The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
• Peaceful Tantrums [Free] Training

Marriage should not be a cause of pain and suffering. OR AT LEAST, should not ONLY be a cause of pain and suffering.

It should also be a source of great energy and joy, and should be enhancing and boosting our life. It should make life easier and more enjoyable, having this companion and life partner by our side.

But so often I'm seeing the opposite. Instead of being mostly good with some challenges, I'm seeing big challenges and lots of stress, with very little joy.

In this episode I want to take you through a set of common beliefs about marriage, and why I think they're wrong.

[04:27] Limiting belief #1: Marriages don't work out.

[09:12] Limiting belief #2: The ONLY way to improve your relationship is with counseling.

[15:01] Limiting belief #3: You chose the wrong partner.

[22:56] Limiting belief #4: My partner will never change.

[26:46] Limiting belief #5: It would be easier alone.

[32:26] Limiting belief #6: I'm too tired and/or busy to do ALL the work.

[44:02] Limiting belief #7: What if I try and it doesn't work?

[46:52] Marriage is like Mt. Everest.

[50:10] So how do you do it? What do you do to build the relationship of your dreams?

[52:30] https://theparentingjunkie.com/parentinlove

Q&A

[54:52] If we're already in Present Play, can we join Parent In Love too?

[55:17] Do you get the coaching if you're already in Parent In Love?

[55:58] Is there a payment plan for Parent In Love?

[56:23] Is Parent In Love applicable if my partner doesn't go through the course?

[58:34] How much does it cost?

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resources:

• Check out our course, Parent In Love (and join soon before the group coaching bonus goes away!).

Has your relationship suffered after children were thrown into the mix? Chances are good that it has. I've certainly gone through ups and downs, and my friends and clients have too. While challenges certainly are inevitable, life-long suffering in your relationship doesn't have to be.

In this episode I'm going to ask some questions and even give you a little tough love to inspire and encourage you to do what it takes to turn things around!

[01:03] How did your relationship change after having kids?

[04:26] We often neglect the relationship with our partner

[07:02] Deep down we all know our relationships are important. But many people underestimate just how important they really are.

[11:40] The relationship with our partner is the most important relationship of our life.

[17:03] We have to admit when things aren't going well before we can start to turn things around.

[17:43] Most of us weren't taught how to have successful relationships.

[22:17] It's hard, but worth the fight! It's worth what it takes!

[23:12] Myth: We should put our kids before ourselves.

[24:18] Your relationship becomes the "relationship curriculum" for your children.

[27:02] Relationships are like plants. Take care of them, or they wither and die.

[29:47] We have to stop hiding behind our children.

[31:49] It's time to wake up! The plant is wilting and needs attention.

[33:22] If there's something you're wishing for or desiring, it's safe to assume your partner has a similar wish or desire.

[34:40] It's not too late to start making changes!

[38:00] New mini-course: Worth The Fight

[39:11] New mini-course: Got To Grow

Q&A

[44:17] Do you have specific suggestions about how to fight?

[45:17] What is the difference between the Power Couple Workshop and the course?

[46:25] Is it worth the fight if I'm the only one who tries to work on the relationship?

[55:37] Which course is better for just starting out?

[56:19] What if my partner drinks alcohol and is very hard to be with or talk with after dinner?

[58:02] Can I pay with PayPal?

It's not too late to get to work and build the relationship of your dreams! It's worth the fight and you (and your children) are worth the effort it takes to turn things around. Let's roll up our sleeves and get to work!

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resources:

• Our mini-courses, Worth The Fight & Got To Grow

Do you feel like you carry the bulk of the load in your relationship? Like all the responsibility falls on you? Like the division of labor and the mental and emotional burden isn't fair?

It's understandable...and it's also ruining our relationships.

In this episode I'm going to walk you through a series of questions to help you shift your mindset and improve your relationship with your partner.

[02:16] Are you keeping a running tab of "who does what" in your head?

[04:05] Keeping score undermines your partnership.

[07:59] A transactional approach to relationships is a major cause of division and conflict in relationships.

[13:36] Is there really such a thing as equality in a relationship?

[14:16] Do you really want things to be totally even, all the time?

[14:43] Does keeping score promote unconditional love?

[15:58] Does it feel good when you pit yourself against your partner?

[16:07] Does nitpicking your partner make you love them more or less?

[16:32] When you keep track of how much you give, does that make you a better or worse version of yourself?

[16:53] What does your partner do that you appreciate greatly?

[17:19] What does it mean to you to love someone and accept them as they are?

[17:27] How does that look, and how do you know when you're practicing that?

[17:33] Ultimately, are you displaying unconditional love through it all?

[18:10] What's the difference between trying to change someone and trying to evolve with someone and influence them?

[18:30] What does your partner appreciate in you that you might be forgetting or discounting?

[18:42] What competencies, energies, and skills do you each bring to the relationship?

[18:57] Should we be forcing each other to bring the exact same qualities to the table?

[19:23] Or should you each be contributing to the best of your abilities in our own special way?

[19:32] What's the meaning of seasons in life?

[20:01] Are you accounting for the differences in personalities, temperaments, and abilities you each have?

[20:16] Are you communicating your needs properly?

[21:02] Are you using punishments to control or manipulate your partner?

[21:37] Are you truly looking for you both to shine your brightest?

[21:47] Are you holding onto a victim mindset?

[22:02] Are you ready to let you both shine in your unique and individual ways?

[22:37] There's no such thing as a win-lose in relationships. If one loses, you both lose.

Ultimately how we partner is how we parent. We should do everything we can to be peaceful partners, because it will translate into our parenting and make a big difference in all of our relationships.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resources:

• Check out our latest training, Worth The Fight.

I know there can be a lot of anxiety and indecision when it comes to the topic of school vs. homeschool. How do you know which way to go? What if I try it and it doesn't work? What if I ruin my kids??

In this episode I'm going to walk you through the decision making process and take you from indecision to clarity.

[10:42] "The best use of imagination is creativity. The worst use of imagination is anxiety." Deepak Chopra

[11:58] 1. Our role is to choose the environment in which our children educate themselves.

[14:04] 2. Our choices aren't right for everyone. They're only right for our own families.

[16:27] 3. Nothing is set in stone. We can make changes if something doesn't feel right.

[18:40] Use this matrix & process to help you make a decision.

[20:31] Education

[22:13] Time

[23:31] Cost

[24:39] Reliability

[26:16] Method

[28:01] Socialization

[31:50] Autonomy

[33:22] Health

[34:17] Relationships

[35:58] Intuition

[36:45] Add in any additional considerations for your unique situation.

[41:02] If you're going to homeschool, work on mindset before you go out and buy all the awesome stuff.

[42:12] Learning can only be effective when you and your child feel good about it.

Q&A:

[49:29] I want to homeschool, but my spouse thinks I'll ruin our kids.

[51:47] How old were your (Avital's) kids when you started using your Focus Time approach?

[53:03] What is a "hybrid model"?

[54:25] How do I homeschool a preschooler and still work 8 hours from home?

[56:07] What homeschool system do you recommend for non-English speakers?

[56:43] My spouse thinks socialization will suffer if we homeschool.

[58:22] I'm not a structured person and already struggle with routines...I fear it may be a little too much.

[59:55] What time are the Q&A sessions if I join Focus Time?

[49:29] I want to homeschool, but my spouse thinks I'll ruin our kids.

[51:47] How old were your (Avital's) kids when you started using your Focus Time approach?

[53:03] What is a "hybrid model"?

[54:25] How do I homeschool a preschooler and still work 8 hours from home?

[56:07] What homeschool system do you recommend for non-English speakers?

[56:43] My spouse thinks socialization will suffer if we homeschool.

[58:22] I'm not a structured person and already struggle with routines...I fear it may be a little too much.

[59:55] What time are the Q&A sessions if I join Focus Time?

[1:01:02] What age should we start? I think my kids are too little.

[1:02:20] Do I need to homeschool, or is unschooling an option?

[1:03:30] Does homeschooling work between divorced parents?

[1:04:33] Would Focus Time help me decide if homeschooling is for me?

[1:05:13] How do you handle "demand avoidance"?

[1:08:06] My Mom is an elementary school teacher and talks about homeschoolers always being behind when they start school.

If you're still unsure or are homeschool-curious, check out our course Focus Time. It will help you gain clarity and take a peek behind the curtain to see what it's like to homeschool.

If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I'd love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you.

Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here.

Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital.

Resources:

• Go here to get a pdf copy of the decision matrix.
• Join our course, Focus Time
• Need help convincing your spouse? Check out my free ebook 10 Zen Secrets Of Persuasion.