Now, I don’t know about you, but I was not the best version of myself when I was drinking. But for the committee, that’s who I was for more than a decade so that’s who it knows me to be. So we get stuck in this thought process that that’s who we really are in our core- that person that lied and manipulated people, who was hiding things from the people you love, who was destructive and maybe a bit mean and damaged relationships because you just weren’t in your right mind.

And with all of those negative and hurtful behaviors, comes some guilt and shame for our actions. You feel embarrassed and want to hide, you have things that you never want anyone to find out because you don’t want them to know how “bad” you really are. You’re a liar and a cheater and a bad person. And that’s the information the committee has to work with.

And with all of that horrible information, and your guilt and shame, and trying to kill yourself slowly with alcohol, there is no way to have a healthy self-esteem or to feel good about yourself or to be confident or proud of yourself. And again, that’s the information the committee has to work with.

But here’s the catch- you, and the committee, have totally forgotten you were a whole human being functioning in life long before you ever had a drink or used a drug. I didn’t start drinking really until I was about 20- 19 or 20. So I had 20 years of being a whole person before I was hijacked by alcohol.

You were hijacked. And so was the committee. I want you to remember the person you were before you ever had a drink- what was that person like? I was a super kind, funny, loving, nurturing person. I was honest and had a ton of integrity, I was a loyal friend and daughter and sister- I was a lot of great things! And so were you!

And here is the absolute truth- when I was drunk, I did not make good choices. I was broken. If I wasn’t broken, I wouldn’t have been drunk all the damn time! But I would NEVER make those choices in my right mind. NEVER. No matter how broken I was, I would have never lied the way I did, I would have never manipulated and used people the way I did, and I wouldn’t have hated myself the way I did if I wasn’t drunk. It’s alcohol that is all of those shitty things- not me.

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