2. Remember that training is the journey. Enjoy the process. Race days are the celebration of the journey. We certainly can have a hard time celebrating a bad race. High Lonesome for instance was tough to celebrate even though I finished. While I was certainly proud of the fact I finished, I had a very hard time processing the race and what went so wrong so early. What I did remember was the 2 weeks leading up to the race and the time I spent with my daughter during those 2 weeks and her paying me to the finish.

3. The sting and disappointment we feel after a bad race or a DNF stems from the amount we care about the results of our goal event. In honesty, I don’t know why some races are easier to let go than others. Hellbender means the world to me and I didn’t finish, but I was ok with that due to being sick. Maybe that was due to the fact that I knew I could take another crack at HB vs feeling awful for 80 miles at HiLo knowing I had spent a lot of money to be out there early and acclimate, and things still went sideways. Again, I’m honestly not sure. Our thoughts and emotions are so complex. My point here is that it is ok to react in whatever way you need to even if it leaves you shrugging your shoulders in confusion. There aren’t always answers and our brains have a hard time dealing with that.

4. Questioning our decisions about this sport and what’s next after a bad race or DNF of a goal event can be very difficult! It’s times like these I turn to resources of people that have experienced this. Currently I am reading “Puke & Rally” by Dr Rob Bell. Puking is our bad race & rally is our comeback or at least next step. After 6 really hard 100 mile races, I was left questioning whether I was really wanting to do any more. Is there something worth going after? Does something still excite me with the possibility of that event not going to plan? Those questions rattled around in my brain and if I’m real with you, they are still valid questions I’m sorting through. Do I need to train for something? Do I need a goal to enjoy my running? These are all hard questions to answer. I’ve recognized that my focus on training has shifted from my own to those I coach (all age groups included here). The importance I place on my own training has diminished significantly and I recognize that just getting out for a simple run is enough for me. I simply cannot devote the time I once did to training. A harsh reality, but one I am ok with. That said, I recognize that the possibility for a bad race or a DNF is higher now. So the question becomes, how do I scratch the itch for a long day in the mountains? That’s where the BRUTES Challenge came in. BRUTES matches where I am with not only my training, but my mental state. You have to find that match for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with just running and not having a goal. For myself, I’ve simply had something to work towards for my entire 34 years of running. COVID lockdown made me realize that I enjoy having something to work towards. Sometimes that something takes us awhile to figure out, and that’s ok as well. Best to find something that inspires you then to just settle for an event that you just go through the motions to complete and lack joy and enjoyment in your training.

5. Another book that bears reading (rereading) is Steve Magness’ “ Do Hard Things”. Magness reminds us that without challenge or the uncertainty of completion that comes with setting a goal, we can lack motivation or simply caring enough to get ourselves out there and train. It’s by setting ourselves up for these challenges that we are able to test our limits and find out what it is that we are truly capable of. When I look back at HiLo, I have to admit, I’m pretty proud of the mental grit I have. It’s those moments, when you’re at your lowest that you truly find out who you really are! And THAT right there is why I continue to get after it!