You still like each other. You get along well. There's no crisis, nothing obviously broken. You've just stopped feeling in love the way you used to, and you're not sure whether you can get it back. That's the Ask Marie question this episode answers, and it comes up more often than almost anything else I hear in my consulting room.

What this episode covers

• Why what you're describing is extremely common and what the difference between drifting apart and falling out of love actually means
• The plant metaphor: why a relationship that doesn't get what it needs fails not because it wasn't resilient but because it wasn't tended
• Five signs you've drifted: patterns have become functional rather than romantic, conversation is mostly logistics, small moments of connection have disappeared, you're on autopilot, you're coexisting rather than connecting
• Why this happens, especially when children arrive, and why the relationship gets quietly deprioritised because it seems more stable than everything else demanding your attention
• The emotional piggy bank: why small consistent deposits build the buffer you need when hard times come, and why so many couples are in overdraft
• Bids for connection and the three ways we respond to them
• Why weekend getaways often make things worse and what actually works instead
• How to start the conversation using I statements that describe feelings rather than the other person's behaviour
• Why tone matters as much as words and how the same sentence can land completely differently depending on how it's delivered
• How to pick the right timing for a difficult conversation and stop setting each other up to fail
• The marathon session story: a couple who fell back in love after two days of deep conversation
• Small deposits to start today

Timestamps

0:00 Introduction and the Ask Marie question

2:30 Why drifting apart is different from falling out of love

5:30 Five signs you've drifted

15:00 Why it happens: parenting and deprioritising the relationship

20:00 What actually works

23:00 Bids for connection and the emotional piggy bank

27:00 How to start the conversation

32:00 Picking the right time

35:00 The marathon session story

Resources and Links

• Relationship Reset course
• Open-ended questions for couples
• Marathon sessions at The Therapy Hub

Keep the Conversation Going

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Instagram: @marievakakis

Website: marievakakis.com.au

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