This week we get to be a fly on the wall to a coaching session between certified transformative coach John El-Mokadem and his new client Kate. Kate would like coaching around some issues in her relationship.

There were so many gems here about handling relationship issues, here were my favourites:

• Does the past create our relationship problems in the present?Kate feels angry that she's made decisions in her relationship because of trauma in her past and maybe she would have chosen a different life, if it hadn't been for her past. John explained that the anger would make sense if it was being caused by Kate's circumstances and not by Kate's 'noisy thinking' about her circumstances.

• That laundry list of things that need to happen before we'll feel OKWe can believe there's a whole load of things that we need to happen in our relationship (or life in general) before we'll be OK. As we recognise that the laundry list is just more noisy thinking we see that we already have everything we need to be OK.

• How do we cope with a noisy mind?We don't need to quieten our minds, ignore our thinking or try to change it, when we recognise that the noise is simply just thinking.

• What about when we want different things?The more we see that our wellbeing always comes from inside, the more freedom we have to watch how life unfolds without getting so caught up in our thoughts about needing life to be a certain way so we can be happy.