When we become parents, someone really should hand us a book that details, exactly, how to NOT raise an a-hole. 

Karen Alpert (of the blog Baby Sideburns), a mom of two and author of Mamas, Don't Let Your Kids Grow Up to be A-Holes: Unfiltered Advice on How to Raise Awesome Kids, recognizes that parents are terrified of inadvertently raising assholes.

"It is definitely one of my big fears," she says. "I don't want to raise a kid that's an a-hole. All the sexting and scary stuff and  male chauvinism and racism  - I'm trying to hard to teach my kids that stuff shouldn't be part of their lives."

But she knows there are no guarantees. And she starts her book by stating that babies are, almost by definition, a-holes. (Think about it: They scream when they need something. They don't care about your sleep or your needs or anything but their own comfort.)

"It is our job as parents to get the a-hole-y-ness out of them," Karen says. "We have 18 years. It is our job to send them out into the world in the best way possible."

We can do that by seizing random and ordinary moments. "Kids are like clay," Karen says. "Everything we do contributes to shaping them."


In this episode, Jen, Janet & Karen discuss:

 	Parents' secret fear
 	Bullying
 	How parenting approaches evolve as kids grow
 	Teaching kids to be considerate
 	Seizing opportunities to teach values
 	Revisiting conversations
 	Teaching kids to be anti-racist
 	How to teach kids important lessons while being creative and fun
 	"Boys will be boys"
 	Resisting gender stereotypes & expectations
 	20 ways to make your kids more creative

Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:
Mamas, Don't Let Your Kids Grow Up to be A-Holes: Unfiltered Advice on How to Raise Awesome Kids -- Karen's latest book

I Heart My Little A-Holes: A Bunch of Holy Crap Moments No One Ever Told You About Parenting -- Karen's first book

babysideburns.com -- Karen's blog

Just Don't be an Asshole (w Kara Kinney Cartwright) -- ON BOYS episode

How to Raise a Decent Human Being -- classic BuildingBoys post

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire: armoire.style/ONBOYS
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How to NOT Raise an A-Hole

Real Talk about Parenting, Teaching, and Reaching Tomorrow’s Men

Education

Training

Language Courses

Higher Education

K-12

Educational Technology

Kids & Family

Health & Fitness

Dr. Adam Price’s book, He’s Not Lazy, is one that parents of teenage boys frequently recommend to each other. There’s good reason for that: He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself addresses parents’ fears and concerns about their “unmotivated,” “under-performing” teenage sons.Stop Worrying About Your BoysFear is usually at the heart of parents’ concern about their sons’ apparent lack of motivation. We know how important persistence and effort are to success and happiness in life, and we worry that our teenage sons will fail. But our worry is misplaced — and unhelpful, Dr. Price says. “It’s imperative that you stop worrying,” he says, noting that “it’s the worrying that often causes us to make the wrong decisions in parenting.” Don’t project into the future, he says. Focus on the here and now. Connect with your son; trust in his development.Motivating BoysHuman beings are motivated to do the things we want to do. We are not necessarily motivated to do things we have to do. That truth applies to our boys as well – & explains why so many boys are “unmotivated” to do their homework or chores. To get boys to do things, we need to give them more autonomy. And we need to let them experience consequences and emotions. Too often, parents take on all the emotional and psychological labor related to boys’ performance in school. “We end up absorbing like a sponge all the negative feelings: You’re not going to do well. You’re not going to get into college,” Dr. Prica says. “What that actually does is free kids up to not worry about it because they know that we’re worrying about it.” It’s better to let kids feel that conflict and struggle, to allow them space to worry about their future. Their concern for their future will motivate them in a way your concern never will. Do NOT say, “you’re not living up to your potential.” “When you tell someone, ‘You’re not living up to your potential,” you’re telling them, ‘You’re not good enough,'” Dr. Price says. Instead, focus on connecting with and empowering your son. Give him autonomy and continued support. Set limits, establish structure, and be patient. Give him the opportunity to grow and mature. Takeaways:Parents should try to stop worrying excessively about their underperforming teenage boys and trust in their growth and development.Teenagers are still young and have a lot of time for growth and change.Motivation comes from doing things one wants to do, not things one has to do.Parents should allow their sons to experience the consequences of their decisions and not shield them from negative feelings.Recognize and value different forms of achievement, including skills in video games.Parents should praise the process and effort rather than just the end result.Gender expectations and societal pressures can influence boys’ motivation and self-esteem. Challenge negative assumptions about boys’ motivation and behavior.Set realistic expectations and give kids the opportunity to take responsibility for their actions.Recognize that development takes time and maturity may happen at different rates.Trust the relationship with your child and focus on building a positive and supportive environment.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself, by Adam Price hesnotlazy.com — Adam’s website Listener Q & A:Getting Curious & Motivating Boys — ON BOYS episode Maggie Dent on How to Motivate Boys — ON BOYS episode Trust Your Boys — Building Boys blog post   Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! 
Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.  Jen in an Armoire dress 


Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire: armoire.style/ONBOYS
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Adam Price: “He’s Not Lazy”

BoyMom Ruth Whippman has spent significant time reimagining boyhood. As a mom of 3 boys, she knows that raising boys today is a complex endeavor. As she writes in her book, BOYMOM: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity, “Boys in America (and worldwide) are going through something of a crisis – not only academically but they make up the majority of perpetrators AND also the majority of victims and they are more likely than girls to engage in serious antisocial behavior, along with having mental health issues reaching epidemic levels…Understanding where we are going wrong with raising boys and trying to change those patterns is one of our most urgent cultural projects as a society. “This is a half-finished revolution.” The #MeToo Movement, Boys, & MenRuth was 8 1/2 months pregnant with her 3rd son when the #MeToo movement gained global traction. “That moment was a really complex moment for me,” she says. “On the one hand, my feminist self was like, Great! we’re finally talking about boys & men in a whole new way; we’re finally seeing this is a systemic problem…. But as a mother of boys, it was really complicated because there was this very negative conversation going on about boys and men, which I don’t think is particularly psychologically healthy for boys to grow up hearing.” It’s important to recognize and address all of the issues that lead to some men behaving badly, but, she says, it’s important to also “give boys a more hopeful vision.” Focusing on what’s wrong with boys and men won’t likely solve anything & may instead alienate and harm boys & men.Cultural Blind SpotsLike many women, Ruth was well aware of the all ways in which gender & sex shape (& limit) females’ experiences in the world. But she didn’t understand that boys are affected by similar pressures. Until she had sons. We “have so many blind spots around raising boys,” she says. And while our society has made great strides in encouraging girls, women, nonbinary, and genderfluid humans, cis boys are still hemmed in by cultural expectations and stereotypes. In our current cultural moment, conversations about boys frequently focus on their potential to cause harm. That’s problematic, Ruth says. “I want my boys to have a narrative about themselves that’s rooted in something other than harm and violence,” she says. “I don’t want their story to just be ‘I’m this potential predator and the best that I can hope for my life is that I won’t rape anybody.‘ I want them to also be able to thrive and find pride, joy, and connection.” In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Ruth discuss:Parenting boys as a feministWhy politicizing boys’ issues isn’t helpful – & why we need to listen to diverse viewpointsSeeing boys as more than potential predatorsBoys & schoolMale developmentHow “undercare” harms boysThe stories we share w boysBoys’ friendshipsListening to boysThe “contradictory pressures” on boys
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:BOYMOM: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity — Ruth’s book ruthwhippman.com — Ruth’s website (includes links to her upcoming events) I Blame Society — Ruth’s Substack newsletter Masculinity in the Land of #MeToo — ON BOYS episode Men are Not Monsters – 2015 essay by Jen 
 Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & Dollop Natural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com  


Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire: armoire.style/ONBOYS
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

BoyMom Ruth Whippman on Reimaging Boyhood

In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:The end of an era (Jen’s last son finishes high school!)What Jen will NOT miss about having a kid a schoolHow parenting is like labor & birthTransactional vs. relational communicationLetting boys take control of aspects of their lifeRebuilding trustApologizing to your kidsLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Emails & Phone Calls from Teachers — ON BOYS episode Why Boy Moms Need Mentors Too — ON BOYS episodeSponsor Spotlight: Dabble & DollopNatural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com   

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire: armoire.style/ONBOYS
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Connecting With Boys & Answering Your Questions

If you think you don’t know anybody who takes opioids, have you asked? Those are the words of Julia Pinksy, an Oregon-based mom who lost her son to an opioid overdose. “It’s been 10 years since he passed,” she says,”which seems unbelievable.” In the years since, Julia has devoted herself to opioid overdose education and prevention. Today, she teaches others about opioids & Narcan.Opioid Addiction Can Affect AnyoneOpioids don’t discriminate. Although some people may be more biologically or psychologcially susceptible to addition than others, anyone can become addicted. “Anyone — it doesn’t matter how intelligent, how educated, how knowledgable about drugs you are — it doesn’t stop your body or mind from becoming reliant on it,” Julia says.Narcan Saves LivesNaloxone (better known as Narcan) can immediately reverse the effects of opioids – & save lives. That’s why Julia thinks that every parent should have – & learn how to use — naloxone. It’s also a good idea to teach your kids how to use it.  In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Julia discuss:Why all parents need to know about opioids & narcanWhy some people are so susceptiable to opioid addictionAppropriate management of prescription opioid medicationHow Narcan worksSigns of an opioid overdoseHow to administer naloxone Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Max’s Mission – non-profit organization dedicated to overdose education & prevention Real Talk About Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana — ON BOYS episode  Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com   Sponsor Spotlight: WinonaMenopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. Sponsor Spotlight: EZ MeltsGet a FREE 3-month supply of D3 w your 1st purchase at try.ezmelts.com/onboys Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & DollopNatural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order! Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. 


Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire: armoire.style/ONBOYS
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Opioids & Narcan: What You Need to Know

Boys don’t do as well in school as girls. On the whole, they earn lower grades and more disciplinary referrals. You will typically find more boys in detention than at the top of the class. Are boys the problem? Is there something about masculinity, something about male biology that contributes to these disparate outcomes? Or, are schools the problem? Does the curriculum and environment somehow inhibit boys’ success? Yes. Boys mature more slowly than their female peers, so they’re generally not as well-equipped for the challenges of school as their similarly-aged female peers. Current masculinity standards also ridicule academic achievement or effort and make it difficult for boys to ask for help. And, most school curriculum and practices don’t align well with boys’ needs. In far too many cases, though, adults make things worse rather than better for boys in school. Adult misunderstanding of male development, coupled with intrinsic bias (and intensified by the fact that educators are now being asked to do too many things, with too few resources & too little support), causes many adults to inadvertently exacerbate boys’ problems. And that’s a problem for all of us.  Photo by Mikhail Nilov via PexelsIn this episode, Jen & Janet discuss:Why boys struggle in schoolHow adults unintentially exacerabate boys’ problemsSetting boys up for school success (Choose a play-oriented preschool instead of an academically-oriented one!)Meeting boys’ needs in school
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:When Your Kid is the Classroom Problem Child — The Cut article Why Are Kids Being Forced to Eat Lunch in Silence? — Guardian article Schools — Not Boys — Behaving Badly — Jen’s Building Boys Bulletin about both these articles Boys & School — Building Boys post about the black walnut incident Moving Into the Red: Boys & Education — article by Jen about her son’s kindergarten experience Gifted & Twice-Exception (2E) Boys — ON BOYS episodeSponsor Spotlight: My Life in a BookSponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month. Sponsor Spotlight: WinonaMenopause care made easy! Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order. Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com   Sponsor Spotlight: EZ MeltsGet a FREE 3-month supply of D3 w your 1st purchase at try.ezmelts.com/onboys  


Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire: armoire.style/ONBOYS
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

How to NOT Raise an A-Hole

Download our free app to listen on your phone