Because debt reduction is fundamentally a mental issue, not a financial one, this may be a different take on debt reduction that what you might be used to hearing. We’ll give some practical strategies and tactics, but first let’s figure out HOW we think about debt.

Finances are a major stressor for most marriages, so here is a checkpoint for you personally. You might already know this, but if you’re not 100% sure, sit down with your spouse and ask them what meanings they assign to debt. Ask the questions: How does debt impact you or affect you? What do you feel when you think about the debt we have right now?

I know that Caleb and I experience debt differently, but empathy comes from understanding. Caleb is more comfortable with debt, as long as he has a sense that his income will cover the payments to repay it, but because he knows that I am less comfortable with it (as in, totally-anxious, make-me-sick uncomfortable), he is very considerate and will not go into debt without me being totally on board with it first.

How we think about debt is critical, so today, we start with the psychology that you need to wrap your mind around before you think about what you can wrap your income around.

To give you a frame for background, let’s look at some research. In 2011, 63 couples with great marriages were asked about their finances.[i]

A few themes became clear showing that part of the success of great marriages is due to a careful, effective reduction of debt. Happy couples were more likely to pay off debt as quickly as possible. They were less likely to use credit cards at all, or just used them as a convenience and paid them off monthly. The couple shared the common goal of debt reduction.

Common goals are critical because if you can’t agree on this, it’s not going to be possible to move forward to debt reduction. If this is your situation, you’re either going to have to accept the reality that your spouse isn’t going to change or find another way to have a conversation about debt that your spouse can relate to. When you do that, you’re giving them a choice whether they want to act out of a place of empathy or choose to disregard your concerns. All you can do it put it out there to start with.

Another theme that showed up in this study was that some couples started with a debt-free philosophy and others came to it over time. This is helpful as you have to see yourself as creating a great marriage and get comfortable with the fact that you are in development together. Give it time – give your mutual commitment to debt reduction time to develop and shape itself in your marriage as part of your common goal settings.

The question arises though: if debt reduction is a critical part of a successful marriage, why is it so hard to actually get on the same page about it?

There are actually predictors of debt found through some extensive research studies. For example, one study found that health status and levels of changes in income are very robust predictors of debt in general.

In other words, if your health is poor and/or your income never changes over an extended period of time, you’re most likely to be in debt.

The same study found that for intermittent and chronic debt, locus of control, family structure during adolescence, socioeconomic status, work effort, and marital status are robust predictors. Self-esteem also plays specifically into chronic debt.

Anything considered to be a disadvantage in life generally is indeed a disadvantage with regards to debt reduction. Sounds discouraging… Let’s look at Locus of Control a little closer.

Locus of Control (LOC) is a concept from personality psychology that puts your personal belief about whether you have control over life or not on a continuum from external to internal. If it’s external you believe that fate, or God, or chance really initiates all the things that happen in your life. If it’s internal you believe that you have control over all o...