How To! with Charles Duhigg

Have you ever had to make an impossible decision? One that doesn't have an obvious "right" answer. One that someone will inevitably hate. John knows this feeling all too well. He's the superintendent for a mid-size school district in California. To say the last school year was difficult is a major understatement… John tried to ensure the safety of his students, teachers, and faculty while balancing the reality of students struggling in their virtual classes. Throughout the school year, John's relationship with his teachers and the teachers union deteriorated. Now, classes are back in session and he's hoping to find common ground as soon as possible. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Gary Friedman, a world-renowned conflict mediator. He has some tips on how all of us can mend a fraught relationship before it's too late.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Stand Up to Your Terrible Manager—Without Getting Fired."

Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

This episode originally ran on August 31, 2021.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Every year, around the same time, Peter's apartment comes alive. The shadows begin to scuttle and the pipes creak with creepy crawlies. At least that's how it feels. Peter is freaked out by Israel's large flying cockroaches. Logically, he knows they don't pose a threat. But he can't control his visceral disgust at encountering one and his panicked vigilance in the days that follow. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Dr. Elizabeth McMahon, a clinical psychologist who has been treating phobias like these for the last 30 years. She has some very practical advice for Peter, and anyone else with an irrational fear they'd like to overcome. Elizabeth often uses virtual reality therapy with her clients, most recently to treat needle phobias. She's made this needle phobia training available for licensed therapists or supervised trainees.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Not Be Scared."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Every January nearly 75 percent of Americans resolve to make their lives better by losing weight. But this year we're breaking free from the cycle of restrictive eating and spiraling shame. Journalist Virginia Sole-Smith, host and author of Burnt Toast and The Eating Instinct, has some eye-opening tips for our listener Tori that will help her ditch the scale, become more comfortable with her body, and even learn to control sugar cravings—by eating as many sweets as she wants.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Lose 155 Pounds Happily"

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

James is head over heels in love with his wife. But there's one thing that keeps getting in between them … the glow of her smartphone. His wife is constantly scrolling social media or staging photo ops with James and their kids to create a picture perfect life online. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Dr. David Greenfield, the founder of The Center for Internet and Technology Addiction, to help James understand why it's so hard for his wife to log off. He has some fascinating advice for how to wean yourself off social media and reconnect IRL without creating a bigger rift in the relationship.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Put Down Your Phone."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Give the gift of Plus to a fellow Slate fan and they'll receive all the benefits of membership: unlimited reading, ad-free listening, bonus content, and so much more. Gift now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

One night a few months ago Elaine got a phone call out of the blue from a co-worker. She and her 12-year old daughter had checked herself into a hotel after she was beaten by husband. Elaine took her co-worker to the hospital and encouraged her to leave her husband, but a couple weeks later she was back at home. Now Elaine can't stop worrying about her friend and wondering if (and how) she should help. On this episode of How To!, we're joined by Suzanne Dubus, advocate, survivor and CEO of the Jeanne Geiger Crisis Center. Suzanne says one in five women (and one in seven men) will be the victims of severe physical violence during their lifetime. She understands all too well why it takes so long for victims of domestic violence to leave their abusers, and gives us some practical advice for what to do if we ever find ourselves in Elaine's shoes.

If you or someone you love is struggling with intimate partner violence, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline's website or call 1-800-799-SAFE.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Say the Right Thing at the Worst Time."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

This episode is supported by Work Check, an original podcast from Atlassian.

Give the gift of Plus to a fellow Slate fan and they'll receive all the benefits of membership: unlimited reading, ad-free listening, bonus content, and so much more. Gift now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Here at How To! headquarters, we give and receive a lot of good advice. This year we ran faster, kept cool in a crisis, had the best sex of our lives, stopped snoring, and even won the Olympics. The How To! team, including former host David Epstein, gathers 'round the mic to round up our favorite advice of the year. We talk about how we applied that advice to our own lives, share some surprising updates from folks who were on the show, and give a behind-the-scenes look at how the podcast is made each week.

Did we forget to mention your favorite advice of the year? Let us know with a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001.

Give the gift of Plus to a fellow Slate fan and they'll receive all the benefits of membership: unlimited reading, ad-free listening, bonus content, and so much more. Gift now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Deciding to give up your dog is not something we talk about much, especially now when our pets are more like family members. But what do you do when your dog has behavioral problems that threaten the safety of others? On this episode of How To!, the second in a two-part series on difficult dogs, we hear more from renowned trainer Denise Fenzi and inventor and YouTuber Simone Giertz. They open up about their traumatic experiences with previous dogs and how they eventually had to give them up despite trying everything. And they share advice for how to regain trust in dogs and yourself as a dog owner.

If you liked this episode, check out Part One: "How To Get Your Dog to Stop Barking (Without Barking Back)"

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Give the gift of Plus to a fellow Slate fan and they'll receive all the benefits of membership: unlimited reading, ad-free listening, bonus content, and so much more. Gift now at slate.com/howtoplus.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Approximately 23 million families in the US got a pet during the pandemic, many of them puppies. At their best, dogs truly are "man's best friend," providing real comfort and companionship. But it can be tough when your new dog isn't adapting as well as you'd hoped. Whether it's excessive barking, aggression towards strangers or just not getting along with family members—a difficult dog can rock your confidence and make you feel resentful. On this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series on difficult dogs, we meet famous inventor and YouTuber, Simone Giertz, and her yap-happy pup, Scraps. Simone shares her triumphs and failures with renowned dog trainer Denise Fenzi and they commiserate on the best way to teach a dog some much-needed new tricks.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Get Your Dog to Stop Eating Your Daughters' Underwear With Jenny Slate."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Jackie is newly engaged, but thoughts about her big day fill her with dread, not excitement. Jackie and her fiance want to have only vaccinated people at their wedding to protect some vulnerable family members from COVID-19. However, requiring vaccination means Jackie's parents and sister likely won't attend, which would break Jackie's heart. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Nwandi Lawson, a former journalist who now runs a communications firm specializing in difficult conversations. She's had her own challenging family discussions during the pandemic, and has some surprising tips for how to speak truth to power while keeping your relationships intact, and maybe even change a few minds.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Talk Politics Without Wrecking Relationships."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

For nearly a decade, Jono devoted all his time and energy to creating and running a customized shoe company. But, unfortunately, his start-up didn't survive the pandemic. Now Jono is in the tricky position of transitioning from CEO to working for someone else. He's wondering how to brand his non-linear career path and transform himself into an ideal job candidate. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Joseph Liu, a consultant who has made a career out of changing careers, and host of the podcast Career Relaunch. Joseph has some practical tips for finding the right job opportunities, rewriting your resume, and creating a compelling cover letter that will land you an interview in no time.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Find a New Career Before It's Too Late".

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.