How To! with Charles Duhigg

Have you ever had to make an impossible decision? One that doesn't have an obvious "right" answer. One that someone will inevitably hate. John knows this feeling all too well. He's the superintendent for a mid-size school district in California. To say the last school year was difficult is a major understatement… John tried to ensure the safety of his students, teachers, and faculty while balancing the reality of students struggling in their virtual classes. Throughout the school year, John's relationship with his teachers and the teachers union deteriorated. Now, classes are back in session and he's hoping to find common ground as soon as possible. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Gary Friedman, a world-renowned conflict mediator. He has some tips on how all of us can mend a fraught relationship before it's too late.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Stand Up to Your Terrible Manager—Without Getting Fired."

Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Do you think of yourself as a "good" person? Most of us do. You probably show others kindness and respect—no matter their age, gender, sexuality, or race, right? But our unconscious biases are often more powerful than we realize. In fact, mountains of evidence show the extent to which implicit bias is ingrained in our police departments, doctor's offices and hiring committees, often to the detriment of marginalized groups. Our listener this week, Tim, has spent a lot of time thinking about his privilege as a cisgender white man and how it affects his work and his community. While he believes he no longer harbors any conscious prejudice, he's still struggling to uncover and combat his implicit biases. On this episode of How To!, guest host Celeste Headlee talks with Mahzarin Banaji, a psychologist at Harvard and the author of Blindspot: Hidden Biases of Good People. She has some tips on how to interrogate our gut feelings and consciously change the way we see people who are different from us.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Fight Racism in Your Town."

Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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It's painful for Barbara to think back on her son Ethan's childhood. For years Ethan was caught between feuding parents until, one day, Ethan went to live with his dad and never came back. Barbara regrets not fighting harder for her son or at least communicating better. Now she wants to ask for a second chance before it's too late—but isn't sure how to go about it. On this episode of How To!, the second in a two-part series, we continue with Amy Baker, a developmental psychologist who specializes in restoring family connections between parents and adult children. Amy helps Barbara recall specific memories as she writes a letter of amends, paragraph by paragraph, in an attempt to open Ethan's heart.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Reconnect with Your Kid After a Nasty Divorce," the first in our two-part series.

Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Barbara survived a divorce so brutal that she refers to it as 'The War of the Roses.' Perhaps the most painful casualty was the severing of her relationship with her son, Ethan. Decades have passed and Ethan is now married with kids of his own, who Barbara adores. But due to their chilly, distant relationship, Barbara doesn't get to see them as much as she'd like. Can Barbara repair their broken relationship before it's too late? On this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series, we bring on Amy Baker, a developmental psychologist who specializes in restoring family connections between parents and adult children. She has a specific method for writing a letter of amends that, more often than not, can lead to a breakthrough.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Walk Away From an Impossible Parent."

Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Avalon is driven, creative, and… can't meet a deadline to save her life. In her defense, she's a card-carrying member of the gig economy, juggling a complicated schedule as a DJ and visual artist. Avalon's tried to organize her life using a bullet journal, but procrastination keeps getting in the way of her career pursuits. On this episode of How To!, the second in a two-part series on time management, we talk to Christopher Cox, author of The Deadline Effect: How To Work Like It's the Last Minute Before the Last Minute. He explains why concrete deadlines, the shorter the better, can actually help Avalon's creativity. And he gives all of us tips on how to set the perfect deadline—and never miss it.

If you liked this episode, check out the first in our series: "How To Ditch Your Distractions Once and For All."

Do you have a problem you're focused on? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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There's one thing that all of Helena's personal projects have in common: they remain unfinished. The family photo album is empty, as is her mom's recipe book. And the lavender garden is still unplanted. Helena is not lazy. In fact, she's a busy lawyer who has no problem finishing tasks at the office. But she's also a busy mother raising a family, and free time is hard to come by. So how can Helena banish her distractions? On this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series on time management, we talk to Nir Eyal, author of Indistractable: How To Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life. Nir used to be just as distracted as Helena, but then he figured out some tricks to break free from his stray thoughts. He explains why procrastination isn't a sign of laziness, it's a sign of discomfort. And why it's more important to address your feelings than silence your push notifications.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Stop Procrastinating" and make sure to tune in next week to learn how to set the perfect deadline.

Do you have a problem you're focused on? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Winning the Olympics is everything Steve Mesler ever wanted. So when he and his U.S. bobsled teammates stood atop the podium at the 2010 Vancouver Games, his life seemed golden in every way. But soon after his triumph, Steve began to experience a period of extended mourning. Even though he won a gold medal, he lost his identity and sense of purpose. And he wasn't the only one. On this episode of How To!, the former Olympian, co-founder of Classroom Champions, and current United States Olympic and Paralympic Committee board member talks about the complicated aftermath of achieving an all-consuming pursuit. He discusses his struggles with depression, losing teammates to suicide and what the USOPC is doing to destigmatize mental health treatment.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Be a Badass On and Off the Court."

Do you have an Olympic-sized problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Alexandra and her boyfriend want to buy a house, but they're looking in one of the hottest housing markets in the U.S. So when they got outbid for their dream home, Alexandra was secretly relieved. Spending money, even if it's something she can afford, is absolutely terrifying to her. Alexandra grew up homeless and even though she's now a lawyer, she has a hard time ever feeling financially secure. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Athena Lent, founder of Money Smart Latina and financial advice columnist for Slate's "Pay Dirt." Athena had a similar upbringing to Alexandra and learned the hard way how to revise her beliefs around money. If you figure out your net worth and plan for the unthinkable, you'll be free to make big purchases without feeling panicked or guilty.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Get Out of Debt Faster Than You Think."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Rich thought nothing of going to the hospital for a routine colonoscopy—until he got the bill. Even with insurance, Rich is on the hook for nearly $2,000, way more than he ever expected. It's particularly painful because Rich was planning to finally pay off his credit card debt before getting married. So what can he do? Our expert this week has a suggestion—don't pay the bill, at least, not at first. On this episode of How To!, we bring on investigative reporter Marshall Allen, author of Never Pay the First Bill: And Other Ways to Fight the Health Care System and Win, to walk Rich through his options. While most of us pay our hospital bills without thinking twice, Marshall says there are several surprisingly easy steps we can all take to make sure we're not being overcharged. High healthcare costs may be inevitable, but we can still fight back.

If you liked this episode, check out How To Give Your Mom a Kidney.

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rachael Allen, Margaret Kelly and Rosemary Belson.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Rich thought nothing of going to the hospital for a routine colonoscopy—until he got the bill. Even with insurance, Rich is on the hook for nearly $2,000, way more than he ever expected. It's particularly painful because Rich was planning to finally pay off his credit card debt before getting married. So what can he do? Our expert this week has a suggestion—don't pay the bill, at least, not at first. On this episode of How To!, we bring on investigative reporter Marshall Allen, author of Never Pay the First Bill: And Other Ways to Fight the Health Care System and Win, to walk Rich through his options. While most of us pay our hospital bills without thinking twice, Marshall says there are several surprisingly easy steps we can all take to make sure we're not being overcharged. High healthcare costs may be inevitable, but we can still fight back.

If you liked this episode, check out How To Give Your Mom a Kidney.

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

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Podcast production by Derek John, Rachael Allen, Margaret Kelly and Rosemary Belson.

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