I'm Not In An Abusive Relationship

In episode 60, Rita shared her survivor story—her stepfather sexually abused her for years. In her story, Rita mentioned that "There were periods where I wanted my stepfather to love me and I was always trying to say, 'I'm an okay kid, you can love me. See? I'll be nice to you.'"

What is it that draws a victim to their abuser? Why do they sometimes want to still gain their approval? Krista DeBoer explains trauma bonding in this episode.

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

Rita's parents divorced when she was young. The man her mom married began to sexually abuse her at around age 8.

"I loved my stepfather. He was kind and I was glad to live with my mom."

The first occurrence Rita remembers her stepdad beginning to molest her was at 8 years old when he called her into the house after he got home from work. He told her he needed to get her cleaned up, so he was going to help her bathe. This turned into fondling her, which began a several-year cycle of abuse.

"There were periods where I wanted my stepfather to love me and I was always trying to say, 'I'm an okay kid, you can love me. See? I'll be nice to you.'"

Hear Rita's story of how abuse at night would feel unreal the next day, how she would try to reconcile her love for her stepdad with his abuse and how she eventually broke the cycle.

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

Domestic violence intervention programs exist to help abusers. In many states they're called Intimate Partner Abuse Education Programs (IPAEP). These education programs are for people who abuse their intimate partners. Your intimate partner is the person you decided you want to be close with, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your husband or wife, the love of your life, your soulmate. These programs are also called "batterer intervention."

Battering Intervention Services Coalition of Michigan

On this episode, Claudia welcomes Interim Executive Director of DASAS Deborah Hackworth and DASAS therapist Elizabeth Alderson as they discuss BISC-MI and other programs taking aim at those who use violence against their intimate partners.

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

The sad, frightening reality is that domestic violence can lead to deadly consequences. Every year organizations like DASAS hold vigils to remember victims. The scariest time for many victims of domestic abuse is when they decide to leave. In this episode, Claudia talks with Deborah Hackworth and Elizabeth Alderson about the reality of lethality in domestic violence, including tips for victims.

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

What happens when domestic violence continues after divorce? Sometimes when a victim leaves the relationship, the abuser tries to exercise their power and control - continuing the abuse - because they feel this person "belongs" to them. You may experience this when children are involved after a divorce and parenting time switches come into play. The abuser may exercise their control during these parenting time change-overs.

Interim Executive Director Deborah Hackworth and DASAS therapist Elizabeth Alderson unpack how abuse can and does continue and what survivors can do to continue to heal and find hope.

Tips to stay safe:

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

In this episode, producer Dan Moyle interviews Steven Wolhandler, author of How to Protect Yourself from Emotional Predators.

Steven knows how abusive and manipulative people prey on the emotions of good people - and how good people can protect themselves. He offers a radically different view of these Emotional Predators and provides practical effective solutions. For Emotional Predators, he says, "Life is a strategy game to dominate and control, and you are either a player to be defeated or a game piece to be used. Without empathy or remorse, they’ll ruin your life, and traditional approaches will make things worse."

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

The benefits to therapy are many. In this episode, DASAS therapists Krista DeBoer, Elizabeth Alderson and child advocate Toriann Lawrence unpack how therapy helps sexual assault and domestic violence survivors.

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

We appreciate your help in spreading the message of hope. You can help us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

We've explored the dark world of human trafficking in a previous episode. Now we're helping connect how human trafficking and domestic violence intersect. Rita O'Brien, working on a Master's Degree in social work & intern at DASAS and Elizabeth Alderson, therapist at DASAS uncover how these worlds connect.

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

Sports help young people develop life skills,  have amazing experiences and stay healthy. Unfortunately, it's also a place where abuse happens. What do you do when sexual abuse happens in your child's world of their favorite sport? What about as an adult? And what can you look for as warning signs?

Krista DeBoer, Sexual Assault Therapist at DASAS, and Dani Filipek, Sexual Assault Advocate at DASAS join Claudia Pahls to tackle this difficult subject.

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.

One year. 52 episodes. Nearly 30,000 downloads. 50 states + 61 countries. It's been quite a journey. Join host Claudia Pahls, Producers Dan Moyle and Deborah Hackworth and DASAS guest Krista DeBoer for a retrospective on the first year of I'm Not In An Abusive Relationship.

If you need resources or help in any way, call our 24 hour hotline at 800-828-2023 or visit www.DASASMI.org.

Subscribe for a new episode each week. We publish every Wednesday morning at 8:00am. Subscribe to the weekly email newsletter here or at our website here.

Please consider helping us reach more listeners by leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or where you listen, and by sharing on social media.