Cheryl Rhodes has been an LMFT for almost 40 years and has spent many years working with families with autistic children and neurodiverse couples. During this episode, she talks openly about her neurodiverse family (her daughter is autistic) and how critical it is for us to understand the history of the term “Neurodiversity” and to focus on both the strengths and differences in everyone...and she talks in-depth about both. During her career, Cheryl has worked with many couples in “high conflict” relationships and she shared that she was in a high conflict marriage that ended.  She also understands the stress that these relationships can cause on partners and the family, and how important it is to use the best strategies and tools to reduce conflict. Cheryl addresses the social communication challenges that might occur in a neurodiverse relationship and how important it is for both partners to regulate emotion and anxiety.  In addition, Cheryl talks about the ways she helps partners learn how to speak the same language.  "Social Pragmatics", which includes non-verbal communication and cues, can create many communication challenges for couples.  Both the receiver and the sender need to understand each other and determine the most comfortable way for them to receive and deliver communication.  Both partners need to learn how to state explicitly what they want or need, however, sometimes one partner just doesn't know how to give the other partner what they want (or need) and Cheryl works to bridge that communication gap. When we can’t "Perceive, Receive or Process" information take a time out. Come up with a code word and make an agreement to stop when one partner uses the code word.  Processing speed can be very different for both partners. Slow down the speed of your communication and limit the number of concepts or sentences you are each using. Cheryl also addresses how some intimacy issues are actually sensory issues that may not have been addressed through a sensory lens.  Being able to shift your perspective and understand that the other person may see (and feel) something different, or have a different view is critically important. Understanding each other’s thoughts, feelings and intentions and being able to read each other’s cues can be a game changer! Cheryl discusses the importance of respecting the other persons perspective without judgement and how this can lead to a softening, or a shift, in your partner's response.  We also discuss the importance of recognizing the traits that are based on neurology, and which are part of your personality, or other health or mental health issues. Cheryl briefly talks about gaslighting. addictions, and abuse and how dysregulation and anxiety may be an underlying factor for some of these issues. If you want to reach Cheryl and learn more about her practice "My Rhodes Map", her phone number is: 470-956-0500 or you can email her at: [email protected] You can also get more information about the support groups Cheryl offers at Spectrum Partner Support Groups.  

If anyone listening to this podcast is experiencing abuse, please contact the local domestic violence agency, or call the national hotline at: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

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If you would like to learn more about neurodiverse relationships, you can check out our website at: www.neurodiverselove.com 

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If you are interested in joining the free on-line peer support groups being offered for the non-autistic/neurotypical partners, please send Mona a DM on Instagram or send an email at: [email protected]

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