Validation is recognition or acceptance that something or someone is worthy, legitimate, and acceptable. That's why validation, feeling valid, is such a big deal for all of us. When I talk to clients about internal validation, we are talking about a deep, almost profound knowing that who you are, and the feelings, thoughts, and opinions you bring to the table, are valid and worthwhile — without needing to hear it from anybody else. That is internal or self-validation. By contrast, external validation is when that sense of legitimacy and worthiness comes from somewhere/someone/something outside of you — from another person, for instance. Both sources of validation have remarkably positive and immediate effects on our mood because, to us humans and other pack animals, interpersonal acceptance and social legitimacy were factors crucial to our very survival. So, whether our ancestors carried themselves with true confidence or they sought kudos and pats on the back from their peers, the effects inside their brain would have felt equally good: The tribe thinks I am awesome and therefore, I am safe. However, only internal validation offers long-term, sustainable, positive effects on us psychologically and emotionally. Only internal validation serves our well-being over the long haul, and only internal validation builds and reinforces self-confidence.

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