In today's episode, Grace Bithell and Melissa Spaulding delve into the complexities of self-esteem, exploring its definitions, societal influences, and the distinction between self-esteem and inherent worth. They discuss the emotional roller coaster that self-esteem can create, particularly for women, and how societal expectations can lead to feelings of inadequacy. The conversation emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's inherent value and offers practical steps for relying on value over self esteem, including reframing negative thoughts and practicing affirmations. The episode concludes with a light-hearted discussion about guilty pleasures, highlighting the importance of self-acceptance and joy in everyday life.

takeaways

• Self-esteem is our ability to esteem ourselves.
• Self-esteem can vary widely based on external factors.
• The concept of 'stuff esteem' can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
• Inherent worth is about recognizing value simply because we exist.
• Societal pressures can heavily influence women's self-esteem.
• Other esteem is the validation we seek from others.
• Wanting and desiring are powerful aspects of self-acceptance.
• Reframing negative thoughts can help improve self-esteem.
• Affirmations should start from where we are, not where we want to be.
• Guilty pleasures can be a source of joy and self-acceptance.

keywords

self-esteem, mental health, inherent worth, emotional well-being, self-acceptance, therapy, personal growth, self-worth, societal expectations, women empowerment

Chapters

00:00
Introduction to Self-Esteem and Personal Background

02:42
Defining Self-Esteem: A Complex Concept

05:13
The Roller Coaster of Self-Esteem

07:57
The Roots of Self-Esteem: Childhood Experiences

10:29
Inherent Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem

13:10
Understanding Inherent Value

16:02
The Impact of Relationships on Self-Worth

18:28
Navigating Self-Esteem in Adulthood

21:15
The Pursuit of Other Esteem

24:12
Understanding Self-Worth and External Validation

27:02
The Balance of Care and Importance

29:52
The Moving Target of Self-Esteem

31:31
Societal Pressures on Women

34:24
Sustainable Change vs. Treat Culture

36:48
Practical Steps for Change

41:15
The Power of Wanting and Desiring

45:46
Sunny Day Parade.mp3

summary

In this episode, Grace Bithell shares her experiences and insights on guilt, choices, and the nature of life. She recounts her participation in a bake-off, discusses her guilty pleasures, and offers ten valuable lessons for those struggling with guilt and shame. The conversation emphasizes the importance of accepting imperfection, understanding judgment, and recognizing that discomfort is a natural part of life. Grace encourages listeners to embrace their flaws and to remember that life is not as serious as it often feels.

takeaways

• Most choices don’t have right or wrong answers and even if it doesn’t turn out well that doesn’t mean you picked wrong
• People are judging you and that’s okay
• People like you flawed
• You’re allowed to be bad at things
• You’re allowed to do bad things
• Whatever perceived failure you think is holding you pack probably isn’t the problem
• You can’t earn love
• Comparing will never help you 
• It’s not bad to feel discomfort (aka you can’t pray or function away hard things)
•  We’re all just on a floating rock and it’s not that serious

Chapters

00:00
Introduction and Bake-Off Experience

04:21
Guilty Pleasures and Episode Overview

04:48
Lessons for Guiltaholics: Embracing Imperfection

17:53
Understanding Guilt and Mistakes

25:34
Life's Discomforts and the Importance of Perspective

29:59
Sunny Day Parade.mp3

summary

In this episode, Grace Bithell discusses the themes of guilt in shame in calling in sick. She shares her experiences with calling out of work, the pressure to perform, and the societal expectations that contribute to feelings of inadequacy. Grace emphasizes the need to prioritize mental health, recognize burnout, and understand that taking sick days is a valid and necessary part of life. Through humor and relatable anecdotes, she encourages listeners to embrace their humanity and let go of the guilt associated with needing time off.

takeaways

• The podcast creates a community where listeners feel understood.
• Grace shares her dream of winning a bake-off and the unexpected scarecrow competition.
• Guilt about calling out of work is a common experience, especially for women.
• Burnout occurs when input does not equal output in our lives.
• Self-worth should not be tied solely to work performance.
• It's important to recognize that taking sick days is necessary for health.
• You cannot destroy your life as easily as you think you can.
• Work is a transaction, and you owe it only so much.
• Your identity is not solely defined by your job.
• Values alignment is crucial for a fulfilling work-life balance.

Chapters

00:00
Introduction and Giveaway Announcement

04:11
Guilty Pleasures: The Great British Bake Off

08:49
The Guilt of Calling Out of Work

20:30
Understanding Burnout and Self-Worth

27:41
Conclusion: Embracing Sick Days

29:25
Sunny Day Parade.mp3

summary

In this episode, Grace Bithell celebrates her birthday with a giveaway and discusses the roles shame plays in relationships, particularly the expectation to be low maintenance. She explores the impact of shame on expressing needs and the transactional nature of relationships, emphasizing the importance of advocating for oneself and redefining love beyond caregiving and expectations.

takeaways

• It's okay to have needs in a relationship.
• Shame can prevent us from asking for what we need.
• Transactional relationships can lead to resentment.
• Love is not about what you do for someone else.
• Being low maintenance can harm relationships.
• It's important to communicate needs clearly.
• Women often feel guilty for having needs.
• Relationships should be a partnership, not a transaction.
• Self-advocacy is crucial for healthy relationships.
• You are worthy of love and support without conditions.

Giveaway Shirt: Used as an episode artwork

Chapters

00:00
Birthday Celebration and Giveaway

08:47
Transactional Relationships and Unmet Needs

14:21
The Role of Shame in Relationships

19:26
Advocating for Your Needs

In this episode, Grace Bithell discusses the realities of living in a messy house, particularly as a parent. She explores the feelings of shame and societal expectations surrounding cleanliness, emphasizing that a messy home does not define one's identity. Grace highlights the importance of mental health and reframing the perception of messiness, advocating for a balance between a clean and happy home. She also addresses the difference between guilt and shame, and how effort does not always correlate with results. Ultimately, she encourages listeners to embrace their messy homes as a reflection of their lives and values.

Shout out to today's guilty pleasure Gilass Soap who can be found at https://gilaasskin.com/ use the code Theguiltgirl for 10% off storewide

takeaways

• My house is messy and it's like gross messy.
• Your house is not something full of meaning.
• A clean house is better for your mental health.
• I want my house to be clean enough to be safe.
• Your house serves you, not you it.
• Effort does not equal a clean house.
• Your house is not your identity.
• It's okay to not do hard things just for the sake of doing hard things.
• Beauty is an imperfection.
• Let's all embrace our messy houses.

Summary

In this episode, Grace Bithell explores the intricate relationship between shame and social anxiety, discussing how these emotions affect our interactions and self-perception. She shares personal anecdotes and insights on the importance of acceptance, vulnerability, and being true to oneself in social situations. Grace emphasizes that while the fear of being disliked is common, it is essential to recognize that not everyone will like us, and that’s perfectly okay. The conversation encourages listeners to embrace their true selves and practice vulnerability to combat feelings of shame.


Takeaways

Shame is a socially based emotion that affects our self-perception.
The fear of being disliked is a universal experience.
Shame can create an illusion of control over social acceptance.
Not everyone will like you, and that's okay.
Secrecy about our true selves breeds shame.
Being yourself in social situations is crucial for overcoming anxiety.
Vulnerability can help banish feelings of shame.
It's important to stand for your beliefs, even if it means being disliked.
Liking others can foster acceptance and connection.
Embracing who you are is key to reducing social anxiety.

Keywords

shame, social anxiety, acceptance, vulnerability, self-identity, human connection, social skills, egocentrism, personal growth, mental health



Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Life Update
07:53 Illusion of Control in Social Situations
17:32 The Need for Acceptance
23:35 Vulnerability and Social Anxiety

In this episode of "The Guild Girl," host Grace Bithell delves into the complex interplay between OCD and shame. Grace, a therapist and recovering guiltaholic, shares her personal journey and professional insights on how guilt and shame manifest in OCD. She challenges common misconceptions, explores the neurobiological roots of OCD, and discusses the profound impact of shame on those living with the disorder. Tune in for an enlightening conversation that aims to de-stigmatize OCD and offer hope for a life beyond shame. Disclaimer: Grace is a therapist, but she isn't your therapist and this podcast does not constitute therapy #OCD #MentalHealth #Shame

Join Grace Bithell as she delves into the complex intersection of scrupulosity, religious guilt, and sexuality. In this episode, Grace shares personal insights and societal observations on how religious teachings impact our perceptions of sex, the importance of developing personal value systems, and the challenges of overcoming shame.

Key Points:

The impact of religious teachings on perceptions of sex. The importance of developing a personal value system around sexuality. Common misconceptions and challenges related to sexual desire and shame. The role of communication and learning in sexual relationships.

Guilty Pleasure of the Week: Grace shares her love for Melissa Peraga's art, highlighting its creativity and charm. Check her art out here! https://www.instagram.com/melissaparragaart/?hl=en

Hashtags: #Scrupulosity #Sexuality #ReligiousGuilt #GraceBithell

keywords

guilt, shame, womanhood, societal expectations, self-acceptance, mental health, relationships, individuality, empowerment, feminism

summary

In this solo episode, Grace Bithell delves into the complex emotions of guilt and shame that women often experience. She reflects on societal expectations and the contradictions that come with womanhood, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance and the need to advocate for one's own needs. Grace discusses the impact of comparisons and feelings of inadequacy, while also exploring the archetypes of maiden, mother, and crone, encouraging women to embrace their individuality and be unapologetically themselves.

takeaways

• Guilt and shame are prevalent emotions for women.
• Societal expectations create contradictions in womanhood.
• Women often feel the need to please others.
• Connection is built on vulnerability, not perfection.
• People are messy, and that's where true connection lies.
• Not advocating for needs can sabotage relationships.
• Women frequently compare themselves to others, leading to feelings of inadequacy.
• Embracing authenticity is crucial for self-acceptance.
• The maiden, mother, and crone archetypes represent different stages of womanhood.
• Women should feel empowered to be inconvenient and true to themselves.

titles

• The Weight of Womanhood: Guilt and Shame
• Navigating the Contradictions of Being a Woman

Sound Bites

• "People are really, really messy."
• "Women should be inconvenient."
• "There is hope for us all."

Chapters

00:00
Exploring Guilt and Shame in Womanhood

05:17
The Pressure to Please

13:30
Comparisons Among Women

18:30
The Crone Archetype and Inconvenience

In this insightful solo episode of The Guilt Girl Grace Bithell delves into the pervasive feelings of inadequacy and shame that many of us experience in our professional lives. Drawing from personal anecdotes and clinical insights, Grace explores why we often feel bad at our jobs, the impact of these feelings on our well-being, and why it's crucial to let go of the shame associated with work performance. Discover how power dynamics, vulnerability, and societal expectations contribute to workplace shame, and learn practical strategies to cultivate resilience and self-compassion. Tune in to redefine your relationship with work and embrace your imperfections. #WorkplaceWellness #OvercomingShame #SelfCompassion