TW: mentions of suicidal ideation, self harm, anxiety, depression and OCD.

Today, I’ll be exploring the ins and outs of socialising when you have ADHD, and how Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria might be making you go from riot to retreat mode in a flash. I’ll be sharing this chat with screenwriter and podcast host, Honey Ross. 

There are so many dichotomies within an ADHD brain that it can feel as though your sense of identity is constantly shifting. Never more so with me than when it comes to the extravert vs introvert question. I love parties, then I hate them. I am the most fun and then I’m drained and unable to speak. This hasn’t always been the case - after prolonged episodes of social anxiety from age 8 onwards, I lucked out between the age of 17 and 21 seemingly finding my groove as a student. I rarely passed up an opportunity to party and had a lot of friends to richochet between. But even then, RSD was worse than my hangovers, be it because of an all-our rejection or because a friend had looked at me weirdly. Hyper vigilance and some ultra intense self awareness could tip me into just wanting to get the hell out of what was the best place I’d ever been second before. Fast forward 20 years and sometimes I just feel like it’d be easier to stay home? 

Screenwriter, co-founder of activism community group, Pink Protest and host of the Body Protest Podcast, Honey Ross was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021. She has spoken about her anxiety and how that kickstarted much of her activism work, but I’ve always seen as as a really sociable soul, usually surrounded by friends and seemingly at home in a crowd. And yet, social anxiety and RSD have impacted the way she socialises for years. 

Honey shares how social anxiety and ADHD have impacted her social life for many years, her coping mechanisms and how she’s changed it up since her diagnosis. 

We discuss the shame spiral, how to know when to say ‘no’ and when you need to get out and about, and yet another dichotomy of the ADHD life: you get crucial energy from other people and yet so often feel like being alone. 

Honey also reveals how she communicates with her friends - a definite gamechanger - and what it’s like to grow up in the public eye when you have ADHD. 

You can listen to Honey’s podcast, The Body Protest here

THE EXPERT

Dr Jo Steer is a chartered clinical psychologist working with children in Surrey, and the author of Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women

Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: 

The ADHD Foundation

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Trigger warning: mentions of suicidal thoughts, drug overdose and disordered eating

Today, we’re exploring late diagnosis and what happens next, with Penny Jarrett – aka @PennyBelle – who was diagnosed in 2017 and now offers coaching and mentoring to people with ADHD.

 I get a lot of messages about late diagnosis – how does it work and what does it feel like afterwards? How do meds work and what are the alternatives? Essentially, how do I get diagnosed, and what do I do next?

 Penny is a mental health and wellbeing coach who offers a series of ADHD specific sessions online. She is also a writer, mentor and speaker, and an important voice in the ADHD community. She’s all about busting the myths of ADHD and helping people better understand what it’s all about.

 In this episode, Penny shares what led her to an ADHD assessment in her 30s, and how it changed her life forever. We discuss how unresolved trauma can ‘double’ the ADHD symptom power, and how Penny is now helping other people find their peace. Penny also shares what it’s like to take medication and how tackling trauma can be the most important step any of us will take in handling a late ADHD diagnosis. 

In this episode we also ask the expert, Dr Jo Steer: is it my ADHD, or is it trauma? 

You can find Penny on Instagram @pennybelle and via her website  

THE EXPERT

Dr Jo Steer is a chartered clinical psychologist working with children in Surrey, and the author of Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women 

Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: 

The ADHD Foundation 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Trigger Warnings: mentions of self-harm, disordered eating, depression, anxiety, suicide, alcohol abuse and addiction.

 Today, writer and commentator, Kat Brown and I are going to explore the co-occurring conditions that so often arise with ADHD and ultimately tend to delay diagnosis.

 Considering that ADHD is still not widely understood in healthcare and educational settings, it’s not wonder that girls and women are often misdiagnosed with other better known conditions.

 The issue is that if the root cause is ADHD, no amount of work, meds or therapy will be able to make meaningful and significant changes until the ADHD is addressed; something Kat and I are only too aware of.

 Kat Brown and I met years ago during a shared stint at Glamour Magazine. A journalist and social media editor, Kat is also an in-demand commentator on the subjects she has experienced closely herself, among them ADHD, mental health and childlessness.

 In this episode, Kat shares her journey to diagnosis in 2020. She describes the various labels she was given ahead of the moment she first began to suspect it was actually ADHD driving so many of those behaviours.

 We discuss how we both picked apart our anxiety and depression to better understand what was really behind our feelings, and how no matter how much work we put into addressing our mental health, it would never quite stick.

 Kat also reveals how she’s now investing in herself armed with this deeper understanding, and the new routines she’s slowly developing to address both ADHD and the comorbidities so many of us are prone to.

 You can find Kat’s book, No One Talks About This Stuff here and read more of her work here .

THE EXPERT

Dr Jo Steer is a chartered clinical psychologist working with children in Surrey, and the author of Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women 

Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: 

The ADHD Foundation 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode I’m exploring the topic of education and learning with Vivienne Isebor. 

In an ideal world, your school is the first environment in which your ADHD is identified, and that’s done with enough time to make the necessary adaptations so you can reach your full academic and creative potential as a child.

Sadly, for girls, this isn’t often the case. We know that girls present differently to boys, and that the clinical picture is still skewed to that stereotype of a manic, distracted boy who’s bouncing off the walls. Girls, in fact, are more likely to present as a daydreamer, inattentive but rarely disruptive; as a result it can often go unnoticed. Of course there are also gender norms that hamper diagnosis, too – girls are more likely to mask to fit in with societal expectations that they be quiet, compliant and studious.

I struggled especially with following instructions, anything maths-related and the rudiments of sitting still and listening, but I was also aware of how bad all of that was and so fought every natural instinct to be a ‘good girl’.

Vivienne Isebor is a force for good in the ADHD community, and I was bowled over to hear that not only is she an activist, singer, songwriter, spoken word artist, poet and performer, she is also a clinical associate in psychology trainee. She’s back in school and just before we met for this podcast had aced a 5000-word dissertation. She is also the founder and managing director of ADHD Babes, a supportive space for black women and non binary people with ADHD.

Vivienne shares the experiences she had as a child in school compared to how she comes to learning today as an adult, why switching from a standard school setting to individualistic higher education can be a huge challenge for someone living with ADHD and how both children and adults can be better supported.

Vivienne also reveals the adaptations that have helped her excel in her studies and how she’s chipping away at ableist micro-aggressions with her clinical work. 

You can find Vivienne’s game-changing work with ADHD Babes here: @adhdbabes ADHD BABES 

And her music here: @vvnsings VV SINGS 

Here’s a shortcut to her beautiful sound: 

THE EXPERT

Dr Jo Steer is a chartered clinical psychologist working with children in Surrey, and the author of Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women 

Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: 

The ADHD Foundation 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In today’s episode, I’ll be exploring how ADHD affects your friendships, with blogger and activist, Kate Everall. 

Friendship is the one area I really grieved when going through the diagnosis process - it was like holding up a mirror to how I’ve behaved in so many friendships which was really hard to accept. Friendships can be addled by several of the traits common in ADHD - the missing of social cues, rejection sensitivity disorder, a sense of overwhelm that can see you retreat quickly from people, the abruptness, lack of filter, mood swings, impulsive behaviours, hyperactivity – there’s a lot for you to contend with, but also a lot for a friend to manage or forgive. And then there’s the challenge of making new friends when you’re either a massive oversharer or incredibly shy and tongue-tied, depending on the day.

Kate Everall started the LesbeMums blog with her wife, Sharon in 2012 to document the journey to the conception of their little boy. Kate and Sharon’s blog has changed the game in terms of usualising two-mum families, as they continue to document their lives and travels with little T. Kate is currently exploring her own neurodivergence and is in the process of seeking a formal diagnosis.

Kate shares how challenging she has found the business of making friends and how sensory overwhelm can be the undoing of so many social exchanges. We discuss our shared habit of oversharing to establish connections with new people and what happens now we’re aware of how this tracks. We also talk about how we’ve both lost friends over the years, the conflict of wanting to feel included but so often needing to RSVP ‘no’, and how we turn to other neurodivergent people in building our own communities.

Kate also reveals how self-sabotage has held her back, how frustrating it can be to have a brain that can only accommodate a certain number of friendships, and how vital it is to be fluid in friendships. 

Kate’s Instagram: @LesBeMums

Kate's website: lesbemums.com 

Dr Mohamed Abdelghani is a consultant psychiatrist who specialises in mood disorders and adult ADHD. www.Dyad-medical.com 

Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: 

Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women, by Joanne Steer

The ADHD Foundation 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I’ll be exploring how ADHD impacts on motherhood, with Dr Pragya Agarwal.

Parenting can highlight the ADHD impairments you might have spent years covering – I mean, you try covering ANYTHING when you’ve had one hour’s sleep in a week and your tits have just exploded in the supermarket’s bread aisle. Parents with ADHD can struggle with working memory impairment, planning, social communication, feelings of inadequacy, guilt, self-loathing, low self esteem, anxiety and overwhelm. Reading up on ADHD it seems it’s common to fluctuate between harsh and lax parenting. There is also a higher incidence of post natal depression.

A behaviour and data scientist, Dr Pragya Agarwal is also a journalist, professor, Ted speaker, a fellow of the Royal Society of Arts, and the Director of research think-tank ’50 Percent Project’ addressing gender bias and running unconscious bias training and sexism workshops for organisations and schools. She is also an author, most recently of (M)otherhood: On the Choices of Being a Woman, a memoir that takes in the wider political, scientific and historical contexts for our understanding of womanhood, fertility and motherhood.

 Pragya shares her experiences, both as a single parent to her first child, and more recently, raising twin girls with her husband.

 We discuss how sensory overload affects our parenting, the part society plays in shaping our idea of what motherhood should look like and the resulting shame when you ‘fall short’, and how to let go of that shame and focus on what your child needs from you without sacrificing your own needs.

 Pragya explains how child-led parenting has helped her know both her children and herself better, and what it’s like to come to a diagnosis via your child.

 She also reveals why she doesn’t like the term ‘neurotypical’.

Pragya’s book (M)otherhood is now available in paperback  and Pragya’s new book, Hysterical: Exploding the Myth of Gendered Emotion is available to pre-order now in advance of its release in September 2022. 

You can learn more about Pragya’s work at drpragyaagarwal.com 

*I do not want to exclude non-binary or trans listeners with the binary concept of ‘motherhood’, and so have used the terms ‘parent’ and ‘mother’ throughout. That said, part of this conversation is specific to the gender norms associated with womanhood, which is inclusive of all who identify as such. 

THE EXPERT

Dr Mohamed Abdelghani is a consultant psychiatrist who specialises in mood disorders and adult ADHD. www.Dyad-medical.com 

Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: 

Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women, by Joanne Steer 

The ADHD Foundation

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, campaigner and author, Rebecca Schiller and I explore the Boom and Bust cycle of hyperfocus and burnout that is so common for those living with ADHD. 

It’s not yet part of the official criteria for diagnosing ADHD and yet it’s come up time and time again when I talk to both experts and folks with ADHD. Boom and Bust – the idea that you go all out and then collapse in a heap. For me, it’s always been something I’ve confused with being physically ill, being lazy, having anxiety or depression.

Rebecca is an author, journalist and women's rights campaigner, and unbelievably so much more. A tireless advocate for the childbirth charity, Birthrights, as well as issues of inclusivity AND the founder of Mothers Who Write network and writers’ retreats, all the while running a small-holding in Kent with her husband and two kids - Rebecca is busy. Her memoir, Earthed is all about how own journey of discovery following a diagnosis of ADHD.

Rebecca shares the physical cost of masking to fit in, how self acceptance has to take into account the role society plays in our perception of our selves, and how shrinking our lives can be a long-term result of perpetual boom and bust. We talk about how to reclaim this cycle outside of the ‘neurotypical’ paradigm, the impact of lockdown, and Rebecca reveals why certain aspects of boom and bust might be a great way for some people to work.

Rebecca’s book, Earthed is out in paperback now: https://uk.bookshop.org/books/earthed-a-memoir/9781783966394

And here is her platform created especially for mothers who write: https://motherswhowrite.co.uk/ 

She also references Marta Rose: https://martarose-neurodivergentcreators-com.ck.page/9d449add24

THE EXPERT

Dr Mohamed Abdelghani is a consultant psychiatrist who specialises in mood disorders and adult ADHD. www.Dyad-medical.com 

Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: 

Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women, by Joanne Steer

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1787754006/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1646068472&sr=8-1

The ADHD Foundation 

https://adhdfoundation.org.uk/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Trigger Warnings: mention of self-harm and medical gaslighting.

Explicit Content: some swearing. 

In today’s episode, I’ll be exploring the impacts of stress when living with ADHD, and how overwhelm plays its part. I’ll be sharing this chat with Talk to Coco.

Of course, ADHD in and of itself is a stressful idea – from often having to mask to fit in to just navigating the day-to-day challenges around executive function. Even with the powerful knowledge that comes with a diagnosis, self-advocating within a system that isn’t wholly supportive of neurodivergence is another major cause of stress. It’s like an extra layer on top of what is already a life primed for overwhelm. Which may be a factor in why adverse outcomes like mental health issues and in-patient treatment are common in those with ADHD.

Coco is a writer, poet and activist who uses their platform to encourage open conversations around mental health, sexuality, chronic illness, neurodivergence and gender identity. Coco is an all-round force for good. When you listen to them speak, there’s always a message of uplifting power there, and to know them is to share in that optimism. But this generous spirit of self and community love has come from a lifetime of dealing with stress, as Coco’s lived experience has been shaped by the intersections they now advocate for. 

Coco shares how stress manifests for them – both the daily grind of life and the stresses of environmental sensory challenges – how this has played out in medical setting as someone with a chronic illness, and how tackling that stress has to be the first step in self care.

We talk about triggers, coping mechanisms (boundaries, babe!) and Coco’s stress-busting playlist. We look at how holidays can be ironically stressful, and how important it is to put yourself first in trying to find a way out.

Coco also reveals how being a voice for the non-binary, Black, chronically ill and queer communities has forced them to tackle stress publicly.

Coco can be found on Instagram @talktococo 

THE EXPERT

Dr Mohamed Abdelghani is a consultant psychiatrist who specialises in mood disorders and adult ADHD. www.Dyad-medical.com  

Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: 

Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women, by Joanne Steer.

 The ADHD Foundation 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Explicit language warning: some swearing, as usual.

In this episode, journalist and author, Anita Bhagwandas and I explore the world of work through the ADHD lens.

Without ADHD I would be a completely different worker. Half of my strengths – speed, efficiency, focus, fearlessness, creativity, the ability to multi-task and a seamlessly endless capacity – are undoubtedly down to my ADHD. I don’t require breaks or incentives, I just love to work. Some of the associated impairments will also impact the way in which I work, though, such as working memory dysfunction, perfectionism, boredom, imposter syndrome, and overcommitting. Perhaps you are nodding along? The demands to juggle work and home life, to be a caregiver and nurturer to all, to be emotionally available and organized, and often, to keep the house clean, the children happy and the food cooked, are overwhelming, not to mention the constant pressure to hold your own space within a patriarchal employment system. But with ADHD, it’s the intensity with which you experience these impairments that differs, and the outcomes. Women with ADHD are more likely to quit a job or be fired; it’s a harmful fallacy to think all neurodivergent people have the capacity or privilege required to become an entrepreneur.

At the peak of my journalistic career in London, I was able to mask to an extent, but the personal cost of that was having nothing left for anyone else when the working day was done. It took a lot of exploration - of my skill set and my weaknesses - to harness the benefits of my ADHD traits. 

Anita is a multi-award-winning journalist, social commentator, broadcaster, diversity advocate and Beauty Director with over 10 years' experience working for the UK's top women's titles. Her book UGLY – which uncovers where beauty standards started, unpicks why they've been perpetuated and unmasks how they're still being upheld - is out in the spring of 2023 and is available to pre-order now.

 Anita shares what it’s like to be woman at work with ADHD, how the intersections of her Indian heritage exacerbated feelings of ‘otherness’ in a predominantly white work place, and the various ways in which she has tailored her working day to accommodate and actually, make the most of, her ADHD. She also reveals what she’s found most challenging about office environments and why water cooler chat is not the one.

 This episode is for all of you who have messaged me about work – Anita is full of tips and wisdom, and so my hope is that you’ll have plenty to use in your own lives, as well as the sense of ‘oh me too!’ I always have when talking to this brilliant woman.

Find Anita on Instagram at @itsmeanitab

Anita's ADHD Coach Steph Camilleri can be found here. 

THE EXPERT

Dr Mohamed Abdelghani is a consultant psychiatrist who specialises in mood disorders and adult ADHD. www.Dyad-medical.com 

Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: 

Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women, by Joanne Steer

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1787754006/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1646068472&sr=8-1

The ADHD Foundation 

https://adhdfoundation.org.uk/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Explicit content warning: conversation of a sexual nature and swearing

TW: mention of sexual abuse 

Dating can be a mixed bag when you’re living with ADHD, amiright?! There are some major traits jumping into bed with you and your partner from the get go: rejection sensitivity disorder, emotional lability, boredom, inattentiveness, hyperactivity, impulsivity… At best, you can be spontaneous and exciting, but the truth is, when you’re moving at 100mph and miss all the red flags, it can be dangerous. 

In this episode I’m joined by journalist and fashion icon, Stacey Duguid, who first shared her dating life anonymously as the Mademoiselle columnist in Elle Magazine, and now appears in The Telegraph having re-entered the world of dating a couple of years ago. Stacey was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021. 

Stacey shares how her neurodivergence has made her an easy target for narcissists in the dating pool, how dating apps play to her hyper focus and how the thrill of the new can override caution. We talk about performative sex, self love, boundary control and rejection sensitivity in this deep-dive into the dating world. Stacey also reveals how ADHD meds and HRT have changed the way she approaches dating, and the unexpected role Lily Allen has played…

Stacey’s new website, http://thefashiondepartment.com/ is coming soon. 

Scattered Minds by Gabor Maté 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Scattered-Minds-Origins-Attention-Disorder/dp/1785042211

THE EXPERT

Dr Mohamed Abdelghani is a consultant psychiatrist who specialises in mood disorders and adult ADHD. www.Dyad-medical.com 

Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: 

Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women, by Joanne Steer

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1787754006/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1646068472&sr=8-1

The ADHD Foundation 

https://adhdfoundation.org.uk/

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices