Do you have a narcissist in your life who seems to have amnesia every time you call him or her and ask what he or she has done for you lately?

Or does the narcissist seem to just not care about you at all?

You’re not crazy. Your narcissist does, in fact, have an amnesia problem. And you can thank those pesky narcissistic tendencies for it!

What you need to know about the narcissist’s memory is that it’s selective. The narcissist will remember things you do for them, but they will forget ways in which you put others before themselves.

The narcissist does not forget birthdays, but the narcissist will forget the fact that you helped him clean the house or did a favor for someone else. They are also not much of a planner, so it’s hard for them to keep track of all the meaningful dates.

But don’t worry—there are ways to get them to remember your birthday: Tell them ahead of time, give them a gift card, put up a banner on Facebook or Twitter, get tickets to see their favorite band, send them a handwritten letter… Just make sure you do something that will remind them of your special day.

Narcissists actually have a very vulnerable memory problem that makes them forget things in the most convenient and cloying way possible. They might remember certain things that they want to remember, like their birthday or how they met someone, but they’ll also forget all the little moments you shared with them over the years—like what they said or did when they were upset with you or feeling down.

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