My dad used to read ‘‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” every Christmas Eve when I was a kid, after dinner and before we opened our Christmas pjs. 

 

So many of you are missing your dads, or grandparents, or the father of your kids. This year, I asked my dad to record the Christmas Eve classic for the show. I wanted you to have a stand-in grandpa, in case you were missing one of your own. 

 

From my family to yours, may you have the best holiday season available to you. 

(‘Twas the Night Before Christmas by Clement Clarke Moore was first published in 1823)

Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.

 

Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses

 

About Megan: 

Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief

 

Additional resources:

Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 

 

Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

 

Books and resources may contain affiliate links.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The holiday season is sometimes joyful, sometimes stressful - and to be honest, it’s usually a mix of both. Between external pressures and family dynamics, we figure everyone can use some tips on making it through the season. 

 

In this episode we cover:

 

• How to bring up your loved one’s absence when no one else will
• Making a good enough holiday for your family when you’re not in the holiday spirit

• Tips for navigating intrusive personal questions (like “when will you have kids?” or “don’t you think it’s time you moved on?”) 
• Why consensus is a terrible holiday goal, but collaboration might just be the best thing possible

 

We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons.

 

Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.

 

Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses

 

About Megan: 

Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief

 

Additional resources:

Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 

 

Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

 

Books and resources may contain affiliate links.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if there’s nothing to fix? What if you could just, you know, be yourself - whatever that looks like today? 

When I told people that this week’s guest was none other than adrienne maree brown - the excitement level was off the charts. adrienne maree brown is the author of Emergent Strategy and Pleasure Activism, among other works, and she’s instrumental in opening conversations about bodies, power, grief, and change (personal and collective). 

This week, it’s all grief - and it’s all love. There is nothing to fix, and there is plenty to change. 

 

In this episode we cover: 

• How self-sabotaging behaviors become addictive
• The freedom of being yourself (and why that pisses other people off)
• How can you make this day worthy of your grief? 
• Why humor sometimes fits “the shape of grief” and sometimes it does not
• Feelings are your body’s way of communicating needs

 

We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons.

Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.

 

Related episodes:

Book bans, grief, and love: what do these have to do with social movements? Malkia Devich-Cyril

Is There Any Good News on Climate Change? With Bill McKibben

Coming Home to Yourself with Alex Elle

 

About our guest:

adrienne maree brown is the author of wildly influential books including Emergent Strategy, We Will Not Cancel Us and Pleasure Activism, plus the novellas Grievers and Maroons. She is a social media meme queen, writer, podcaster, musician, and movement facilitator based in Durham, NC. 

 

Find her at adriennemareebrown.net and on Instagram and Facebook.

 

About Megan: 

Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief

 

Additional resources:

Boundaried in Love with Prentis Hemphill and adrienne maree brown

“The Pleasure Dome” by adrienne maree brown, Bitch Media

 

Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 

 

Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

 

Books and resources may contain affiliate links.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Look, there are some things in life - a LOT of things in life - that just can’t be fixed or made better, you have to figure out how you’re going to live with them.

 

Sarah Ramey spent DECADES trying to find answers for why her body was falling apart. Her book, The Lady’s Handbook for Her Mysterious Illness, describes the complex, convoluted path through conventional and alternative medicines, her frustrations with being deemed a liar and hypochondriac, and the overlapping issues of misogyny, ableism, and well meaning but unhelpful support. 

 

If you’ve ever felt othered and invisible because of an illness or disability - this episode is for you. If you’ve ever loved someone with a chronic illness, or you’re a medical provider in any capacity, this episode is 3000% for you. 

 

And if you’re grieving some other loss or hardship, you’ll recognize so much of yourself in this conversation: that human desire to be seen, loved, and supported, exactly as you are. 

In this episode we cover:  

 

• What it’s really like having a chronic, invisible illness (and if you have one, you’ll feel seen!)
• How truly messed up the medical system is: Sarah’s years’ long efforts to be believed by doctors, and at a minimum: not be overtly harmed while seeking care
• How does being in a female body shift your odds of being believed - for ANYTHING, but especially mysterious, chronic illnesses? 
• Sarah’s music was featured in the hit show Wednesday, on Netflix. Can you be a successful musician and have a disability? 
• Why hope is a complex concept when your life is constrained by illness or disability (and why hope is still REALLY important)

 

We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons.

 

Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.

 

Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses

About our guest:

Sarah Ramey is a writer and musician (known as Wolf Larsen). Her work has been featured in The Paris Review, NPR, The Atlantic, The Washington Post, Ms. Magazine, and the Netflix show, Wednesday. Her book, The Lady’s Handbook for Her Mysterious Illness was a starred selection for Publisher’s Weekly, Kirkus Reviews, and Booklist. Learn more at sarahmarieramey.com and wolflarsenmusic.com.

Sarah has been living with serious chronic pain and illness for seventeen years. 

 

About Megan: 

Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief

 

Additional resources:

To join the next embodied writing course mentioned in the show, sign up at roottherapymaine.com

 

Read Sarah’s memoir: The Lady’s Handbook for Her Mysterious Illness 

 

Listen to Sarah’s solo album: Quiet at the Kitchen Door 

 

Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 

 

Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

 

Books and resources may contain affiliate links.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our early childhood experiences of grief - and how our family systems dealt with loss - have a huge impact on our adult behaviors and relationships. 

 

This week, author Allyson Dinneen (@notesfromyourtherapist) joins me to discuss generational grief stories, and your number one most asked question: how does a grieving therapist (or another healthcare provider) go back to work? 

 

We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons.

 

Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.

 

About our guest:

Allyson Dinneen is a marriage and family therapist, author, and the creator of the immensely popular Instagram account, Notes from Your Therapist - which is also the name of her recent book. Allyson’s work has been featured in Forbes, The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, and more. Find her on IG @notesfromyourtherapist and at allysondinneen.com.

 

About Megan: 

Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief

 

Additional resources:

Allyson’s book - Notes from Your Therapist

 

Megan and Allyson discuss a question from a previous episode that aired on January 3rd, 2022.

 

Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 

 

Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

 

Books and resources may contain affiliate links.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Recently The Washington Post released graphic images, videos, and audio recordings from mass shootings, in a report called “Terror on Repeat.” Should news outlets attempt to push awareness through the use of graphic imagery? If so, do survivor families have the right to refuse to let photos of their friends or family members be released? 

 

The answer, of course, is complicated. Complexity and nuance can be hard to find in the news and social media. Like so many things, the real answer comes down to sovereignty: the rights of the people directly involved to make choices about what actions are taken, and to what end. 

 

In this special encore episode, Sandy Hook parent survivor Nelba Márquez-Greene and I discuss what cries of “release the photos!” means to survivors who have already had their private lives invaded, and their peoples’ images co-opted for others’ use. 

 

That’s just part of our conversation, and all of it is timely: we discuss what it’s like to live such a public grief, and what it means to find joy - and hope - in an often violent world. Don’t miss it. 

 

In this episode we cover: 

• The importance of telling your own story in the ways you want to tell it (no matter who demands a soundbite) 
• Supporting each other: the difference between an “inside the house” friend and an “on the porch” friend. 
• Why no single form of advocacy for survivors is right for all survivors 
• Where your money goes when you donate funds in the wake of a tragedy
• What to do when the next act of gun violence happens

 

Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.

 

Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses.

 

About our guest: 

Nelba Márquez-Greene is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in grief, loss, trauma and their impact on individuals and systems. What her official bio doesn’t say is that her child was murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary. Find her at thisgrievinglife.com. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook @anagraceproject 

 

About Megan: 

Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief

 

Additional resources:

There are many organizations fighting to end gun violence. Here are just a few: 

Moms Demand Action, Change the Ref, and Brady United. 

 

As Nelba suggested, if you want to support survivors of gun violence, find ways to support survivors in underserved communities, especially if their tragedy didn’t make the national news. 

 

Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 

 

Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

 

Books and resources may contain affiliate links.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if you were just about to get divorced, but your partner gets sick? Like really sick? Rebecca Woolf was just about to leave an unhappy marriage when her husband got sick and died. What followed was a crash course in performative grief, and the dismantling of one life in order to build the next. 

 

This week on It’s OK, we cover love, sex, marriage, divorce, grief, shame, assumptions (both internal and external), and personal agency - it’s QUITE the conversation. 

 

Sensitivity note: this episode contains the F word, and references sex. 

 

In this episode we cover: 

• The conventions of marriage and grief that trap people in inauthentic versions of themselves
• How you can love someone AND be relieved they’re dead
• Why everyone has an opinion about how soon is too soon to date, have sex, or otherwise live your life after someone dies
• Grieving the time you lost living someone else’s life
• Building your own “house of hope,” according to your own desires

 

Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.

 

Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses

 

About our guest:

Rebecca Woolf has worked as a writer since her teens - it’s the way she understands both herself and the world. Her essays have appeared on Refinery29, HuffPost, Parenting, and more. She currently authors the bi-weekly column Sex & the Single Mom on romper.com. Her latest book is All of This: a Memoir of Death and Desire.

 

Find her on IG @rebeccawooolf (with three o’s) and at rebeccawoolf.com

 

About Megan: 

Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief

 

Additional resources:

Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 

 

Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

 

Books and resources may contain affiliate links.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Everybody knows the stages of grief. Even if you didn’t go to grad school, I bet you can rattle them off. Thing is - those stages don’t help anyone: not the pros trying to support patients or clients, not the person trying to survive an impossible situation. 

 

Tune in for the inside scoop on the stages of grief and what we should be doing instead, with a special shout-out to the tv shows getting grief right.  

 

In this episode we cover:

• Where the stages of grief came from, and why their creator was Less Than Pleased with what happened next
• Whether an “innocent” mention of the stages of grief really matters in a movie or tv show (shout out to Netflix: HMU!) 
• What to do if your boss asks you to support your co-workers through a death in the company
• And much more, because I have a lot to say on these stages, apparently

 

We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons of It’s OK that You’re Not OK.

 

Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.

 

Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses

 

About Megan: 

Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief

 

Additional resources:

Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 

 

Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

 

Books and resources may contain affiliate links.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How do we live in a world that’s at least half terrible, and that is a conservative estimate?

If you recognize that line, you already know Maggie Smith. This week on the show, we’re talking about writing, marriage, divorce, and why you didn’t need whatever happened to you in order to become who you’re meant to be: as Maggie says, “trauma does not give you a “glow up.”” 

 

If you’ve ever wanted to write the story of your life - including the messy, difficult parts like divorce, miscarriage, and the loss of identity - this episode is for you. 

 

In this episode we cover: 

 

• Why it’s ok if your story doesn’t have a happy ending (or even a happy middle)
• Do kids really need to learn about resilience? 
• Does anything remain after devastating loss? 
• What’s it like having your personal story out in the world for other people to talk about? 
• Divorce, miscarriage, and why sometimes the lemonade isn’t worth the lemons

 

We're re-releasing some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons of It’s OK that You’re Not OK.

 

Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.

 

Related episodes: 

Kate Bowler on the difference between transactional hope and functional hope

 

Aubrey Hirsch on the power of storytelling 

 

David Ambroz on “A Place Called Home” 

 

Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses

 

About our guest:

Maggie Smith is the award-winning author of You Could Make This Place Beautiful, Good Bones, The Well Speaks of Its Own Poison, Lamp of the Body, and the national bestsellers Goldenrod and Keep Moving: Notes on Loss, Creativity, and Change. She has been widely published, appearing in The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Paris Review, The Nation, The Best American Poetry, and more. You can follow her on social media @MaggieSmithPoet

 

About Megan: 

Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief

Additional resources:

Get the best-selling Writing Your Grief course and join over 15,000 people who’ve explored their grief - and their identity - through writing. All the details here.

 

Maggie Smith’s website

 

Maggie’s memoir - You Could Make This Place Beautiful

 

“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? / The world would split open.” - feminist poet Muriel Rukeyser

 

Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 

 

Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

 

Books and resources may contain affiliate links.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

“Wonder is the root of love, the lack of wonder is the root of violence.”

Valarie Kaur is no stranger to violence. As a Sikh, as a woman, as a person of color, violence has shaped both her activism and her deep sense of community care. Her Revolutionary Love Project is the blueprint for organizers, activists, and really - anyone in love with the world and what it could be. 

 

This week, the activist, and best-selling author of See No Stranger joins me to talk about love, action, and the power of wonder in the face of impossible things. 

 

In this episode we cover: 

• How do you continue to work on behalf of EVERYONE for a more just and beautiful world, when some of those people cause great harm? 
• Getting outside of unbearable pain so you can survive
• Do you have to suffer in order to be of service? Being an activist for the long haul
• “Squad care” and what it means for activists and anyone alive in the world

 

Looking for a creative exploration of grief? Check out the best selling Writing Your Grief course here.

 

“I spent the last 20 years organizing my life around hate and I want to spend the next 20 years organizing around love. The pain of the world is the pain of the world, regardless.” - Valarie Kaur

 

Starting this week we’re releasing some of our favorite episodes from all three seasons of the show - some you may have missed, and some you need to listen to again and again just to absorb even more of their goodness.

 

Want grief support with Megan? Apply for 1:1 sessions here, or join the monthly Q&A here. 

Related episodes:

The Love-Filled World

A Place Called Home: a conversation with child welfare advocate, David Ambroz

Connection is the best medicine: with Dr. Rana Awdish

 

Follow our show on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok @refugeingrief and @itsokpod on TikTok. Visit refugeingrief.com for resources & courses

About our guest: 

Valarie Kaur is a renowned civil rights leader, lawyer, award-winning filmmaker, educator, author of the #1 LA Times Bestseller See No Stranger: A Memoir and Manifesto of Revolutionary Love, and founder of the Revolutionary Love Project. A daughter of Punjabi Sikh farmers in California, her work has ignited a national movement to reclaim love as a force for justice. Find her on IG @valariekaur.

 

About Megan: 

Psychotherapist Megan Devine is one of today’s leading experts on grief, from life-altering losses to the everyday grief that we don’t call grief. Get the best-selling book on grief in over a decade, It’s Ok that You’re Not OK, wherever you get books. Find Megan @refugeingrief

 

Additional resources:

Valarie Kaur’s website

The Revolutionary Love Learning Hub

 

Want to talk with Megan directly? Join our patreon community for live monthly Q&A grief clinics: your questions, answered. Want to speak to her privately? Apply for a 1:1 grief consultation here. 

 

Check out Megan’s best-selling books - It’s OK That You're Not OK and How to Carry What Can’t Be Fixed

 

Books and resources may contain affiliate links.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.