This week, Kristin and I answer listener comments about colonoscopy prep, including a truly cursed diet of mashed white vegetables and learn about Cologuard, the screening test where you… mail your poop. Through the actual mail. To a stranger.

We also dive into the ongoing household war known as “Kristin Won’t Stop Sleeping in Her Contacts,” which leads to a horrifying discussion about wrinkly eyeballs, saggy conjunctiva, and what happens when an eyelash embeds itself in your eyelid gland and starts scraping your cornea. Delightful.

Then we get to my new favorite segment: diagnosing cartoon characters. This week we tackle Goofy, who very clearly has a mild form of cyclopia, and debate whether his son Max avoided the gene… or if Goofy needs to have some questions answered at home. We even break down why large eyeballs mean myopia, why Edna Mode is basically a hyperopic queen, and the extremely nerdy world of axial length.

Finally, we open the First Aid book and Kristen learns what an Apgar score actually measures and no, it’s not “how cute the baby is,” and no, the Babinski is not part of it either.

It’s New Year’s nostalgia, poop-mailing, cartoon diseases, eye crimes, and newborn scoring systems, basically, a classic Knock Knock Hi episode.

Takeaways:

The Great New Year’s Trick: How to convince your small children midnight arrives at 9 PM.

Colonoscopy Diet Horror: Boiled pale root vegetables, no grains, no legumes, no joy.

Eye Crimes: Saggy conjunctiva, wrinkly eyeballs, embedded eyelashes, and the marital tension of sleeping in contacts.

Goofy Has Cyclopia: A shockingly thorough medical analysis of cartoon genetics (plus: what’s up with Max?).

Apgar Breakdown: The real meaning of appearance, pulse, grimace, activity, and respiration and why Kristen’s “toe swipe” theory was… not Apgar.

—

To Get Tickets to Wife & Death: You can visit Glaucomflecken.com/live 

We want to hear YOUR stories (and medical puns)! Shoot us an email and say hi! [email protected]

Can’t get enough of us? Shucks. You can support the show on Patreon for early episode access, exclusive bonus shows, livestream hangouts, and much more! –⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ http://www.patreon.com/glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Also, be sure to check out the newsletter: https://glaucomflecken.com/glauc-to-me/

If you are interested in buying a book from one of our guests, check them all out here: https://www.amazon.com/shop/dr.glaucomflecken

If you want more information on models I use:

Anatomy Warehouse provides for the best, crafting custom anatomical products, medical simulation kits and presentation models that create a lasting educational impact.  For more information go to Anatomy Warehouse DOT com. Link: https://anatomywarehouse.com/?aff=14 Plus for 15% off use code: Glaucomflecken15

--

A friendly reminder from the G’s and Tarsus: If you want to learn more about Demodex Blepharitis, making an appointment with your eye doctor for an eyelid exam can help you know for sure. Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.EyelidCheck.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more information. 

Today’s episode is brought to you by Microsoft Dragon Copilot. Dragon Copilot is an AI clinical assistant that streamlines documentation, surfaces critical information, and automates routine tasks — empowering healthcare teams to focus more on patients and less on administrative work. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠https://glau.cc/Dragon⁠⁠⁠

Produced by⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Human Content⁠⁠⁠

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This week, I start by sharing why First Descents, the nonprofit that helped me rebuild community and trust in my body after cancer, deserves a spot on your end-of-year giving list. And then, because it is Christmas, I diagnose the eyeballs of Charlie Brown, the Grinch, Rudolph, and even Jack Skellington.

From aniridia to jaundice to reindeer esotropia, it’s a holiday episode only an ophthalmologist could make.

Takeaways:

The nonprofit that helped young adult cancer survivors, including me, find community, courage, and connection.

Why Charlie Brown may actually have a real eye disorder (and why that “lovable loser” label is unfair).

The Grinch’s alarming scleral icterus and what it says about his liver.

Why Rudolph’s esotropia would make guiding a sleigh… mildly concerning.

How Jack Skellington manages life with bilateral enucleation and why Sally might actually have the healthiest eyes in Halloween Town.

To Get Tickets to Wife & Death: You can visit Glaucomflecken.com/live 

We want to hear YOUR stories (and medical puns)! Shoot us an email and say hi! [email protected]

Can’t get enough of us? Shucks. You can support the show on Patreon for early episode access, exclusive bonus shows, livestream hangouts, and much more! –⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ http://www.patreon.com/glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Also, be sure to check out the newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://glaucomflecken.com/glauc-to-me/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you are interested in buying a book from one of our guests, check them all out here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.amazon.com/shop/dr.glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you want more information on models I use:

Anatomy Warehouse provides for the best, crafting custom anatomical products, medical simulation kits and presentation models that create a lasting educational impact.  For more information go to Anatomy Warehouse DOT com. Link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://anatomywarehouse.com/?aff=14⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Plus for 15% off use code: Glaucomflecken15

--

A friendly reminder from the G’s and Tarsus: If you want to learn more about Demodex Blepharitis, making an appointment with your eye doctor for an eyelid exam can help you know for sure. Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.EyelidCheck.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more information. 

Today’s episode is brought to you by Microsoft Dragon Copilot. Dragon Copilot is an AI clinical assistant that streamlines documentation, surfaces critical information, and automates routine tasks — empowering healthcare teams to focus more on patients and less on administrative work. Learn more at ⁠⁠⁠https://glau.cc/Dragon⁠⁠⁠

Produced by⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Human Content⁠

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It’s Christmas, which means two things: Kristin’s wearing a periodic-table tree shirt, and I’m reminiscing about the worst cafeteria meal in VA history (“brown meal,” may it never return).

But the real adventure this week? Our kid suddenly developed mysterious brown patches on her skin, smooth, painless, and deeply unsettling for two parents whose medical degrees contain zero pediatrics. Cue the panic Googling, the advice nurse, and the pediatrician casually wiping it off with an alcohol pad like a magic trick.

Then we dive headfirst into microbiology, where we rediscover that: Anaerobes “can’t breathe fresh air,” Encapsulated bacteria are the gym bros of the microbe world, andnd urease-positive organisms somehow got saddled with the mnemonic P CHUNKS.

Takeaways:

Terra Firma-Forme Dermatosis: The completely benign, extremely weird skin condition that wipes right off with alcohol.

Holiday Clinic Life: Why no one wants their eyes dilated on Christmas Eve (except maybe for the sparkly lights).

Anaerobe Mayhem: “Can’t breathe fresh air” and other microbiology mnemonics that should probably be illegal.

Encapsulated Bacteria: The microscopic linebackers that even your spleen has strong opinions about.

P CHUNKS: The urease-positive mnemonic you’ll wish you could forget.

—

To Get Tickets to Wife & Death: You can visit Glaucomflecken.com/live 

We want to hear YOUR stories (and medical puns)! Shoot us an email and say hi! [email protected]

Can’t get enough of us? Shucks. You can support the show on Patreon for early episode access, exclusive bonus shows, livestream hangouts, and much more! –⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ http://www.patreon.com/glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Also, be sure to check out the newsletter: https://glaucomflecken.com/glauc-to-me/

If you are interested in buying a book from one of our guests, check them all out here: https://www.amazon.com/shop/dr.glaucomflecken

If you want more information on models I use:

Anatomy Warehouse provides for the best, crafting custom anatomical products, medical simulation kits and presentation models that create a lasting educational impact.  For more information go to Anatomy Warehouse DOT com. Link: https://anatomywarehouse.com/?aff=14 Plus for 15% off use code: Glaucomflecken15

--

A friendly reminder from the G’s and Tarsus: If you want to learn more about Demodex Blepharitis, making an appointment with your eye doctor for an eyelid exam can help you know for sure. Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.EyelidCheck.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more information. 

Today’s episode is brought to you by Microsoft Dragon Copilot. Dragon Copilot is an AI clinical assistant that streamlines documentation, surfaces critical information, and automates routine tasks — empowering healthcare teams to focus more on patients and less on administrative work. Learn more at ⁠⁠https://glau.cc/Dragon⁠⁠

Produced by⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Human Content⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, I’m answering your YouTube questions, including why my histology shirt is back, and then diving into a mystery case straight from the ICU. A sedated teenager with a swollen face, red eyes, and a whole lot of chemosis needs help, and I show up with… my ophthalmologist luggage.

What I found is something every ICU clinician has seen but doesn’t always recognize: exposure keratopathy, the completely preventable eye emergency that happens when the lids won’t close, the tears disappear, and the cornea gets sacrificed to hospital airflow.

Takeaways:

How facial edema and chemosis in the ICU create the perfect setup for exposure keratopathy and why it often goes unnoticed.

Why artificial tears twice a day are nowhere near enough for a sedated patient who can’t blink.

The simple bedside tools ophthalmologists bring to evaluate non-responsive patients (including the portable slit lamp).

Why corneal abrasions in hospitalized patients can become dangerous fast and how to stop them before they start.

The easiest ICU intervention ever: ointment, moisture chambers, and remembering that eyelids exist for a reason.

To Get Tickets to Wife & Death: You can visit Glaucomflecken.com/live 

We want to hear YOUR stories (and medical puns)! Shoot us an email and say hi! [email protected]

Can’t get enough of us? Shucks. You can support the show on Patreon for early episode access, exclusive bonus shows, livestream hangouts, and much more! –⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ http://www.patreon.com/glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Also, be sure to check out the newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://glaucomflecken.com/glauc-to-me/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you are interested in buying a book from one of our guests, check them all out here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.amazon.com/shop/dr.glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you want more information on models I use:

Anatomy Warehouse provides for the best, crafting custom anatomical products, medical simulation kits and presentation models that create a lasting educational impact.  For more information go to Anatomy Warehouse DOT com. Link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://anatomywarehouse.com/?aff=14⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Plus for 15% off use code: Glaucomflecken15

--

A friendly reminder from the G’s and Tarsus: If you want to learn more about Demodex Blepharitis, making an appointment with your eye doctor for an eyelid exam can help you know for sure. Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.EyelidCheck.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more information. 

Today’s episode is brought to you by Microsoft Dragon Copilot. Dragon Copilot is an AI clinical assistant that streamlines documentation, surfaces critical information, and automates routine tasks — empowering healthcare teams to focus more on patients and less on administrative work. Learn more at ⁠⁠https://glau.cc/Dragon⁠⁠

Produced by⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Human Content

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, Kristin and I break down the kind of healthcare headline that makes you want to scream into a pillow: premiums going up while subsidies disappear. Love that for us. We talk about why insurance always seems to be “oops, more expensive now!” and why families in the middle always get squeezed the hardest. But then we pivot to the good news, we got fact-checked by an actual biochemist. And honestly? It made my whole week. Thanks to Liz the Biochemist, we learned why carbon monoxide fits into hemoglobin like a kid sticking his head in a staircase, how hyperbaric chambers basically smash oxygen into you, why cyanide is just one big evolutionary oopsie, and whether iron infusions taste like sucking on a hammer.

Takeaways:

Carbon Monoxide vs. Hemoglobin: Why CO binds like it’s auditioning for a soulmate movie while oxygen’s stuck at an awkward angle.

Cyanide Mysteries: The wild truth about where cyanide actually comes from (hint: it’s not a plant… it’s your couch).

Hyperbaric Chamber Reality Check:– Why “more oxygen” is literally just physics bullying your tissues.

Health Insurance Headache: Rising premiums + disappearing subsidies = horrible math no one wants to do.

Biochemist to the Rescue: Liz the Biochemist corrects us with the perfect mix of clarity, humor, and “oopsie.”

—

To Get Tickets to Wife & Death: You can visit Glaucomflecken.com/live 

We want to hear YOUR stories (and medical puns)! Shoot us an email and say hi! [email protected]

Can’t get enough of us? Shucks. You can support the show on Patreon for early episode access, exclusive bonus shows, livestream hangouts, and much more! –⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ http://www.patreon.com/glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Also, be sure to check out the newsletter: https://glaucomflecken.com/glauc-to-me/

If you are interested in buying a book from one of our guests, check them all out here: https://www.amazon.com/shop/dr.glaucomflecken

If you want more information on models I use:

Anatomy Warehouse provides for the best, crafting custom anatomical products, medical simulation kits and presentation models that create a lasting educational impact.  For more information go to Anatomy Warehouse DOT com. Link: https://anatomywarehouse.com/?aff=14 Plus for 15% off use code: Glaucomflecken15

--

A friendly reminder from the G’s and Tarsus: If you want to learn more about Demodex Blepharitis, making an appointment with your eye doctor for an eyelid exam can help you know for sure. Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.EyelidCheck.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more information. 

Today’s episode is brought to you by Microsoft Dragon Copilot. Dragon Copilot is an AI clinical assistant that streamlines documentation, surfaces critical information, and automates routine tasks — empowering healthcare teams to focus more on patients and less on administrative work. Learn more at ⁠https://glau.cc/Dragon

Produced by⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Human Content⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, I’m diving into one of the weirdest modern medical questions: what actually makes a “top doctor” in the age of TikTok? After an Allure article exposed the rise, and sometimes fall, of social-media-famous plastic surgeons, I have thoughts. Many thoughts. Mostly about ethics, entertainment, and why the operating room should never be a live-streaming studio.

Then we shift into something much more fun: a full mystery case. A patient with double vision, oscillopsia, lower-extremity weakness, and a history of gastric bypass walks into my exam room… and everything looks normal except the motility. So what do you do when both eyes refuse to abduct and the MRI shows a thalamic signal? You follow the clues to a diagnosis most clinicians never see coming.

Takeaways:

Why plastic surgery thrives on social media and where ethical lines are getting dangerously blurry.

The subtle difference between educating the public… and turning patient care into spectacle.

How a patient with bilateral abduction deficits and upbeat nystagmus led to a surprising diagnosis.

Why thiamine deficiency after bariatric surgery can masquerade as a neurologic emergency.

The importance of physicians setting their own social media guidelines before someone else does it for them.

To Get Tickets to Wife & Death: You can visit Glaucomflecken.com/live 

We want to hear YOUR stories (and medical puns)! Shoot us an email and say hi! [email protected]

Can’t get enough of us? Shucks. You can support the show on Patreon for early episode access, exclusive bonus shows, livestream hangouts, and much more! –⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ http://www.patreon.com/glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Also, be sure to check out the newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://glaucomflecken.com/glauc-to-me/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you are interested in buying a book from one of our guests, check them all out here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.amazon.com/shop/dr.glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you want more information on models I use:

Anatomy Warehouse provides for the best, crafting custom anatomical products, medical simulation kits and presentation models that create a lasting educational impact.  For more information go to Anatomy Warehouse DOT com. Link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://anatomywarehouse.com/?aff=14⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Plus for 15% off use code: Glaucomflecken15

--

A friendly reminder from the G’s and Tarsus: If you want to learn more about Demodex Blepharitis, making an appointment with your eye doctor for an eyelid exam can help you know for sure. Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.EyelidCheck.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more information. 

Today’s episode is brought to you by Microsoft Dragon Copilot. Dragon Copilot is an AI clinical assistant that streamlines documentation, surfaces critical information, and automates routine tasks — empowering healthcare teams to focus more on patients and less on administrative work. Learn more at ⁠https://glau.cc/Dragon

Go to http//www.cozyearth.com and use code KNOCKKNOCK for 40% off best-selling temperature-regulating sheets, apparel, and more. Trust me—you’ll feel the difference the very first night.

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This week, Kristin and I dive into aphantasia, anendophasia, and why apparently my wife’s brain works more like a slideshow than a podcast. I’m learning things about her that I wish I didn’t know, and she’s learning that most people don’t think in GIFs. We also talk about what happens when meditation goes wrong, how brains get rewired after trauma, and why sometimes “turning your brain off” might actually mean “floating into the void.”

Then we flip open the med student bible for a crash course in aphasia, before spiraling into phantom limb pain and Charles Bonnet syndrome.

Takeaways:

Aphasia vs. Dysarthria: The difference between not knowing what to say and just not being able to say it.

Meditation Meltdowns: Why Kristin’s version of “mindfulness” ends in existential dread.

Inner Voice or Image Stream?: The fascinating brain split you didn’t know existed.

Phantom Senses: From missing limbs to hallucinated kids on porches (yep, that happened).

Broken Boca: What happens when the language centers revolt.

—

To Get Tickets to Wife & Death: You can visit Glaucomflecken.com/live 

We want to hear YOUR stories (and medical puns)! Shoot us an email and say hi! [email protected]

Can’t get enough of us? Shucks. You can support the show on Patreon for early episode access, exclusive bonus shows, livestream hangouts, and much more! –⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ http://www.patreon.com/glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Also, be sure to check out the newsletter: https://glaucomflecken.com/glauc-to-me/

If you are interested in buying a book from one of our guests, check them all out here: https://www.amazon.com/shop/dr.glaucomflecken

If you want more information on models I use:

Anatomy Warehouse provides for the best, crafting custom anatomical products, medical simulation kits and presentation models that create a lasting educational impact.  For more information go to Anatomy Warehouse DOT com. Link: https://anatomywarehouse.com/?aff=14 Plus for 15% off use code: Glaucomflecken15

--

A friendly reminder from the G’s and Tarsus: If you want to learn more about Demodex Blepharitis, making an appointment with your eye doctor for an eyelid exam can help you know for sure. Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.EyelidCheck.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more information. 

Today’s episode is brought to you by Microsoft Dragon Copilot. Dragon Copilot is an AI clinical assistant that streamlines documentation, surfaces critical information, and automates routine tasks — empowering healthcare teams to focus more on patients and less on administrative work. Learn more at ⁠https://glau.cc/Dragon

Produced by⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Human Content⁠⁠

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This week I ran into something online that made my ophthalmologist brain short-circuit: a brand-new CDC statement about autism and vaccines that… let’s just say does not follow how science actually works. So I’m breaking down the logic, the frustration, and why “prove it’s not true” is one of the worst arguments in medicine.

Then, because I can only rant for so long before needing to retreat into eyeball science, I walk through two new “Signs & Symptoms” differentials, light sensitivity and anisocoria. Plus, I got strep throat on a cross-country flight, which I do not recommend at age 40.

Takeaways:

Why the CDC’s new autism/vaccine phrasing misunderstands the entire concept of scientific evidence.

How to think about light sensitivity like an ophthalmologist (hint: start with the cornea).

A simple trick for figuring out which pupil is the abnormal one in anisocoria and why it matters.

Why strep throat hits like a freight train once you’re over 35, especially in the middle of a business trip.

A reminder that neuro-ophthalmologists are magical creatures who can diagnose a Horner syndrome with nothing but a dark room, a penlight, and an unreasonable amount of patience.

To Get Tickets to Wife & Death: You can visit Glaucomflecken.com/live 

We want to hear YOUR stories (and medical puns)! Shoot us an email and say hi! [email protected]

Can’t get enough of us? Shucks. You can support the show on Patreon for early episode access, exclusive bonus shows, livestream hangouts, and much more! –⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ http://www.patreon.com/glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Also, be sure to check out the newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://glaucomflecken.com/glauc-to-me/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you are interested in buying a book from one of our guests, check them all out here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.amazon.com/shop/dr.glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you want more information on models I use:

Anatomy Warehouse provides for the best, crafting custom anatomical products, medical simulation kits and presentation models that create a lasting educational impact.  For more information go to Anatomy Warehouse DOT com. Link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://anatomywarehouse.com/?aff=14⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Plus for 15% off use code: Glaucomflecken15

--

A friendly reminder from the G’s and Tarsus: If you want to learn more about Demodex Blepharitis, making an appointment with your eye doctor for an eyelid exam can help you know for sure. Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.EyelidCheck.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more information. 

Today’s episode is brought to you by Microsoft Dragon Copilot. Dragon Copilot is an AI clinical assistant that streamlines documentation, surfaces critical information, and automates routine tasks — empowering healthcare teams to focus more on patients and less on administrative work. Learn more at https://glau.cc/Dragon

Produced by⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Human Content

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on Glauc Talk, Kristin and I unpack the bizarre ways people twist “correlation vs. causation” and why apparently every high school should have a mandatory class on basic biostats. We talk about protestors, parenting, penis decisions (you’ll see), and somehow end up designing the world’s most chaotic public health curriculum.

Then we pivot to something a little closer to home, physician side gigs. From telemedicine to expert witness work to content creation, we break down which ones sound fulfilling, which sound terrible, and which involve denying insurance claims (hint: don’t do that).

And finally, because we can’t resist a good textbook roulette, we dive into gout, from the legendary “can’t stand a bedsheet on your toe” pain to the glamorous world of uric acid and Allopurinol. It’s educational, mildly gross, and exactly the kind of medicine talk you didn’t know you needed.

Takeaways:

Correlation ≠ Causation : A lesson humanity still hasn’t mastered.

Side Gig Showdown: From expert witness work to locum tenens, we rate physician side hustles from dream job to “please no.”

YouTube Reality Check: What happens when algorithms destroy your income overnight.

Medical Math, Simplified: The high school course we’d make every student take.

The Gout Deep Dive: Crystals, pain, and why you should never put a sheet on someone’s big toe.

—

To Get Tickets to Wife & Death: You can visit Glaucomflecken.com/live 

We want to hear YOUR stories (and medical puns)! Shoot us an email and say hi! [email protected]

Can’t get enough of us? Shucks. You can support the show on Patreon for early episode access, exclusive bonus shows, livestream hangouts, and much more! –⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ http://www.patreon.com/glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Also, be sure to check out the newsletter: https://glaucomflecken.com/glauc-to-me/

If you are interested in buying a book from one of our guests, check them all out here: https://www.amazon.com/shop/dr.glaucomflecken

If you want more information on models I use:

Anatomy Warehouse provides for the best, crafting custom anatomical products, medical simulation kits and presentation models that create a lasting educational impact.  For more information go to Anatomy Warehouse DOT com. Link: https://anatomywarehouse.com/?aff=14 Plus for 15% off use code: Glaucomflecken15

--

A friendly reminder from the G’s and Tarsus: If you want to learn more about Demodex Blepharitis, making an appointment with your eye doctor for an eyelid exam can help you know for sure. Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.EyelidCheck.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more information. 

Today’s episode is brought to you by Microsoft Dragon Copilot. Dragon Copilot is an AI clinical assistant that streamlines documentation, surfaces critical information, and automates routine tasks — empowering healthcare teams to focus more on patients and less on administrative work. Learn more at  https://glau.cc/Dragon

Produced by⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Human Content⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, I’m doing something different. No eyeball emergencies, no angry rants about healthcare, just gratitude. In this Thanksgiving special, I’m giving thanks to the people who shaped me: my high school English teacher who believed in my writing, the German teacher who let me hide pencils in my hair, the residency mentor who saw the future ophthalmologist before I did, and, of course, Lady Glaucomflecken, for saving my life and still occasionally letting me win arguments. It’s a trip through memory, laughter, and a few truly terrible cafeteria meals.

Takeaways:

How one sarcastic high school teacher helped launch Dr. Glaucomflecken’s comedy career.

Why reading Pride and Prejudice didn’t stick, but satire did.

The German teacher who taught Will the power of laughter (and great comedic timing).

The med school mentor who predicted his future in ophthalmology before he did.

A heartfelt thank-you to Lady G, the real hero behind every punchline (and heartbeat).

To Get Tickets to Wife & Death: You can visit Glaucomflecken.com/live 

We want to hear YOUR stories (and medical puns)! Shoot us an email and say hi! [email protected]

Can’t get enough of us? Shucks. You can support the show on Patreon for early episode access, exclusive bonus shows, livestream hangouts, and much more! –⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ http://www.patreon.com/glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Also, be sure to check out the newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://glaucomflecken.com/glauc-to-me/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you are interested in buying a book from one of our guests, check them all out here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.amazon.com/shop/dr.glaucomflecken⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you want more information on models I use:

Anatomy Warehouse provides for the best, crafting custom anatomical products, medical simulation kits and presentation models that create a lasting educational impact.  For more information go to Anatomy Warehouse DOT com. Link: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://anatomywarehouse.com/?aff=14⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Plus for 15% off use code: Glaucomflecken15

--

A friendly reminder from the G’s and Tarsus: If you want to learn more about Demodex Blepharitis, making an appointment with your eye doctor for an eyelid exam can help you know for sure. Visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://www.EyelidCheck.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for more information. 

Today’s episode is brought to you by DAX Copilot from Microsoft. DAX Copilot is your AI assistant for automating clinical documentation and workflows helping you be more efficient and reduce the administrative burdens that cause us to feel overwhelmed and burnt out.

To learn more about how DAX Copilot can help improve healthcare experiences for both you and your patients visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠aka.ms/knockknockhi⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Produced by⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Human Content

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices