Legally Clueless

Who benefits when women believe they are too loud, too angry, too ambitious or simply too much?

This week on For Mannerless Women, Adelle sits down with feminist activist and Executive Director of Dada Collective Network, Zaha Indimuli, for a conversation about the many ways women are taught to make themselves smaller and what becomes possible when we refuse.

They unpack respectability politics, self-censorship and how constantly being told to “tone it down” can eventually affect more than how we communicate. It can shape our ambitions, our desires and how much space we believe we are allowed to occupy. Zaha also shares why self-love, joy and rest can be acts of rebellion, how anger and love can both have a place in activism, and why sisterhood can become a powerful force for collective change. The conversation also explores women’s political power, organizing around End Femicide Kenya, the barriers women face when participating in politics and what could become possible when more women recognize the power of organizing collectively.

In this episode:

• The hidden impact of constantly being told to “tone it down”
• Why women learn to self-censor and minimize themselves
• Respectability politics and the fear of being “too much”
• Why self-love, joy and rest can be acts of rebellion
• Anger, love and sustaining activism
• Women who become gatekeepers of patriarchy
• The healing and political power of sisterhood
• Organizing around End Femicide Kenya
• The barriers women face in political participation
• Building collective political power among Kenyan women

CONNECT WITH ZAHA INDIMULI
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zaha.speaks
TikTok: @zaha.speaks
LinkedIn: Zaha Indimuli

Dada Collective Network:
https://dada-collective.network/
End Femicide Kenya:
https://www.instagram.com/endfemicideke

FOR MANNERLESS WOMEN
For Mannerless Women is a space committed to nurturing a new generation of shame-free African women.
Watch For Mannerless Women on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyClueless
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Share this episode with a Mannerless or almost-Mannerless woman in your life.

What happens when control doesn’t actually feel like control?

Sometimes it sounds like, “I just worry about you.” Sometimes jealousy feels like proof that someone really cares. Sometimes constantly checking in feels like closeness. And sometimes we slowly begin changing how we dress, who we see, where we go and what we say just to keep the peace.

Inspired by Makena’s story on Legally Clueless, this week on The Mid Week Tease, Adelle unpacks how easily control can be mistaken for love in romantic relationships and why one of the most revealing questions we can ask is: What happens when I say no?

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why jealousy and possessiveness can sometimes feel romantic
• The difference between care, consideration and control
• What your partner’s response to “no” can reveal
• How we can slowly start policing ourselves to keep the peace
• The difference between privacy and secrecy in relationships
• Why boundaries and control are not the same thing
• How to notice when your world is becoming smaller inside a relationship
• Why “But they love me” isn’t always enough
• The importance of maintaining your autonomy while loving someone

And perhaps the biggest question of all:Can you be fully yourself while being loved by this person?

Join the Legally Clueless community:
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What happens when attention slowly turns into control?

In Part 1 of Makena’s story, she shares how a relationship that began with friendship, attraction and fun gradually became possessive and controlling. It started with small things that were easy to explain away. Complicated rules around communication. Constant calls when she was out with friends. Accusations of cheating. Wanting constant access to her while making himself difficult to reach. Over time, the intensity escalated until Makena began to realise that Brian knew things about her private conversations that she had never told him.

In this episode, Makena takes us through the early signs of coercive control, how easily controlling behaviour can be mistaken for love or concern, and the frightening moment she begins to question just how much access her partner has to her life.
This is Part 1 of Makena’s story. Part 2 continues next Monday. 
New episodes of Legally Clueless every Monday.

SHARE YOUR STORY:
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What happens when choosing yourself means creating distance from the people who raised you?

This week on For Mannerless Women, Adelle sits down with psychologist Ivanna Waweru for an honest conversation about family, boundaries, identity and going no-contact.Ivanna shares her own experience of growing up in a chaotic and critical family environment, the different versions of herself she became in order to survive it, and the years she spent trying to repair her relationship with her mother before eventually deciding to go no-contact.

Together, Adelle and Ivanna unpack why setting boundaries in African families can be particularly difficult, the difference between self-confidence and self-worth, the grief and relief that can coexist after going no-contact, learning to express anger, breaking inherited patterns and rediscovering who you are outside of the roles your family gave you.

They also explore what happens after you create that distance: taking responsibility for your own life, building new support systems, creating new traditions and slowly giving yourself permission to want more including softness, ease and good things.

CONNECT WITH IVANNA WAWERU
Instagram: [https://www.instagram.com/ivannawaweru
Ivanna Waweru Digital Products Selar Shop: https://selar.com/m/ivanna-waweru1
Email: [email protected]

JOIN THE LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA COMMUNITY
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Share this episode with a Mannerless or almost-Mannerless Woman in your life.

#ForMannerlessWomen #LegallyClueless #FamilyBoundaries #NoContact #SelfWorth #AfricanWomen #Healing

What if the biggest thing standing between you and your dream isn’t your ability but whether you can actually see yourself living it? 

This week on The Mid Week Tease, Adelle unpacks what it means to truly own your dreams to stop keeping the things you deeply desire at a safe distance and start believing that they deserve a real chance. Fresh from bringing For Mannerless Women Live to life, Adelle reflects on what it took to first imagine the experience, pitch the vision to global brands, build it piece by piece and eventually stand inside something that once existed only in her mind.

She also shares the story of another dream that took almost three years of quiet work, experimentation and courage before finally becoming real.

In this episode, we talk about why sometimes our dreams aren’t too big our current view of ourselves is simply too small to hold them; why visualization can be a form of rehearsal rather than magic; why courage often has to come before confidence; and how taking small actions can give us evidence that we are capable of building the lives we imagine.

Plus, Adelle shares five questions to help you take one dream out of the realm of “maybe one day” and begin giving it a real chance.Because maybe the woman you’re becoming doesn’t need you to know exactly how you’ll get there.Maybe she just needs you to stop acting like the life you want belongs to somebody else.

Listen to The Mid Week Tease every Wednesday.

CONNECT WITH US:
Website: https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyClueless
Follow Adelle: https://www.instagram.com/adelleonyango/

In the final part of Lisa Gaitho’s story, we follow her through one of the most personal shifts of her journey: questioning what she had been taught about faith and beginning to discover what spirituality could look like for herself. Lisa opens up about questioning Christianity, confronting how judgmental she had once been, and rebuilding her relationship with God outside of some of the beliefs she had inherited.

She also reflects on purpose, business, provision and learning to trust the unexpected ways her life has unfolded.Across all three parts, Lisa’s story has taken us through leaving school, moving countries, changing careers, searching for belonging and eventually questioning some of the things she once believed without question. Her story is a reminder that sometimes questioning everything doesn't mean you're lost. Sometimes, it's part of finding your own way.

Listen to Parts 1 and 2 first to experience Lisa’s full story.

CONNECT WITH LISA:
https://www.instagram.com/lisagaitho

And this weekend, we held the very first For Mannerless Women Live! Over 100 women gathered for an afternoon of honest conversations, laughter, connection and taking up space. Keep an eye on our socials as we share more from this special day.For Mannerless Women Live was brought to life with our event partners Spotify and Trademark Suites at Enaki Town.

Follow Legally Clueless Africa
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica
Website: https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com/

What happens after you recognise narcissistic abuse?
How do you begin to rebuild your life and yourself? 

In Part 2 of this For Mannerless Women conversation, Adelle sits down with psychologist and trauma therapist Perpetua Chomba to explore healing after narcissistic abuse. They talk about making sense of what happened without blaming yourself, grieving the relationship and future you imagined, rebuilding self-trust and rediscovering the parts of yourself you may have stopped expressing along the way.

Perpetua also shares why leaving a harmful relationship can require practical planning from finances and where you’ll stay to seeking legal advice and identifying people you can safely lean on. The conversation also explores harmful family relationships, boundaries, choosing what safety looks like for you, and questions sent in by the For Mannerless Women community. And ultimately, it’s a conversation about returning to yourself and building a life that doesn’t require you to abandon who you are.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Where healing after narcissistic abuse can begin
• Making sense of confusion, shame, anger and grief
• Grieving the future you thought you were building
• Rediscovering your identity after a harmful relationship
• Why planning and support matter when preparing to leave
• Rebuilding trust with yourself
• Navigating harmful relationships with parents and family members
• Creating boundaries that protect your wellbeing
• Community questions about narcissism, accountability and change
• Choosing yourself and creating a life that feels authentic to you

CONNECT WITH LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA
Website: https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutube

SHARE YOUR STORY WITH LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA 
https://forms.gle/kMn7Wae5N563JFGQ8 

If this episode resonates with you, share it with another woman who may need this conversation.
And subscribe to For Mannerless Women for more conversations about becoming our fullest, most shame-free selves.#ForMannerlessWomen

 #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #AfricanWomen #LegallyClueless

When was the last time you spent time alone without reaching for your phone, filling the silence, or asking someone else what they think?

This week on The Mid Week Tease, Adelle Onyango explores how solitude and silence can help women reconnect with themselves, rediscover what they actually want, and rebuild trust in their own intuition.From the expectations placed on women to constantly be available to others, to the discomfort that can arise when everything finally goes quiet, this episode is an invitation to get curious about the relationship you have with yourself.In this episode, Adelle unpacks:

• Why being alone can feel uncomfortable when we've spent years prioritizing other people's needs.
  
  
• How silence can help us recognize our own preferences, desires, and boundaries.
  
  
• The difference between intuition, fear, and anxiety.
  
  
• Why solitude and loneliness aren't the same thing, and why needing connection is human.
  
  
• Five practical ways to create more intentional moments of solitude in your everyday life.
  
  

Because learning to enjoy your own company isn't about becoming a woman who needs nobody. It's about becoming a woman who knows herself.

RESOURCES MENTIONED
Solitude as an Approach to Affective Self-Regulation — Nguyen, Ryan & Deci (2018)https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167217733073 

CONNECT WITH US
Website: https://legallycluelessafrica.com 
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/ 
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LegallyCluelessAfrica 
Subscribe to our newsletter via our website for more conversations, reflections, and resources for women.

New episodes of The Mid Week Tease every Wednesday!

Lisa moved to Nigeria for love. But what happens when the life you move into leaves little room for you to be yourself?

In Part 2 of Lisa Gaitho’s story, we pick up where we left off: Lisa is back in Kenya, unsure of what to do next, when she meets a boyfriend and decides to move to Nigeria. What follows is a very different life from the one she grew up knowing. Living with her boyfriend’s family, Lisa encounters unfamiliar cultural expectations, struggles with the pressure to conform, and begins to feel increasingly disconnected from herself.

Eventually, she returns to Kenya, where her search for belonging takes another unexpected turn. She becomes deeply involved in Christianity, only to begin questioning some of the beliefs she had embraced.This part of Lisa’s story explores relationships, identity, faith and what happens when finding your place in the world starts to feel like losing yourself.

This is Part 2 of Lisa’s three-part story. Catch up on Part 1 before listening, and join us next Monday for the final chapter.

CONNECT WITH LISA:
https://www.instagram.com/lisagaitho

FOR MANNERLESS WOMEN LIVE THIS SATURDAY!
We're so excited to see everyone joining us on Saturday, 26 September, at Trademark Suites at Enaki Town, off Redhill Bypass.A few reminders for ticket holders: please arrive at 12 noon. The show begins at 1 p.m. and is expected to end at around 4 p.m. Parking is free, there's no dress code, and your ticket includes a complimentary welcome drink, The Mannerless. Food and additional refreshments will be available to purchase. Please have your ticket ready at check-in, and remember that tickets are non-transferable.
Check your email for the full event details!
And please note that we're at Trademark Suites at Enaki Town, not Trademark Hotel at Village Market.

SHARE YOUR STORY
Have a story you'd like to share on the Legally Clueless podcast?
We'd love to hear from you.https://forms.gle/JMrQD55jcrazKFKX7

CONNECT WITH LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/legallycluelessafrica/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/legallycluelessafrica/

New episodes of the Legally Clueless podcast every Monday.

What happens when the person who once made you feel like the centre of their world becomes the person who makes you question your worth?

The constant attention. The big promises. The feeling that you've finally found someone who truly understands you. And then, slowly, the affection changes. The criticism begins. Your boundaries are tested. You find yourself holding on to the person they were at the beginning.

In Part 1 of this conversation on For Mannerless Women, Adelle sits down with psychologist and trauma therapist Perpetua Chomba to unpack how narcissistic abuse can begin, how it can escalate, and why recognising and leaving a harmful relationship can be so difficult. They explore love bombing, future faking, gaslighting and the cycle of devaluing, discard and hoovering. They also discuss how inconsistent affection can strengthen attachment, why setting boundaries matters, and how our earliest experiences of love can shape the relationships we find ourselves in as adults.

In this episode, we explore:

• Love bombing and future faking: when intensity is mistaken for intimacy
• How someone responds when you set a boundary
• Gaslighting, silent treatment and emotional manipulation
• Financial abuse, isolation and other forms of control
• The cycle of devaluing, discard and hoovering
• Narcissistic patterns in family relationships
• Trauma bonds and why leaving can feel so difficult
• How the highs and lows of a relationship can become familiar
• Learning to recognise consistent love without abandoning yourself

In Part 2, Adelle and Perpetua explore healing from narcissistic abuse and answer questions sent in by the For Mannerless Women community.

CONNECT WITH PERPETUA CHOMBA
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therapist_perpetua
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@therapistperpetua 

RESOURCES RECOMMENDED BY PERPETUA

1. The covert Passive aggressive narcissist by debbie mirza book
2. Will I ever be good enough healing daughters of narcissistic mothers by karyl McBride
3. Boundaries by Dr henry cloud

JOIN THE LEGALLY CLUELESS AFRICA COMMUNITY
Website: https://www.legallycluelessafrica.com/ 
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TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@legallycluelessafrica
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LegallyCluelessYoutube

SHARE YOUR STORY 
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If this conversation helps you put language to something you've experienced, share it with another woman who may need it.
Subscribe to For Mannerless Women wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss Part 2.

#ForMannerlessWomen #NarcissisticAbuse #Narcissism #LoveBombing #TraumaBonds #AfricanWomen #LegallyCluelessAfrica