Ten days. Six bags. One baby screaming about her missing keys, her cell phone and how much she hates shoes and pants. Spring break in Vegas, Zion and Bryce had it all—drunk fairy godmothers in Vegas, kids veering dangerously close to canyon edges, and a toddler who staged daily protests against wearing pants.

These are our lessons learned and a survival guide to chaotic family travel: overpacking regrets, road trip rules, the underrated joy of traveling with another family that you love so damn much, and the parenting power of well-timed candy bribes. Also: how to carry a baby for miles while singing a made-up unicorn song on repeat.

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