Letting go of approval and relinquishing control are things that I’ve struggled with for many years, and continue to work on. My counselor Eleanor recently said to me, “You obsessively seek approval.  Stop doing that.  And, when you don’t get the approval you want, you go into control.  Neither of these things serve you or work very well.”

 

She’s right.  Seeking approval and/or trying to control everything can get in our way in life, both personally and professionally, and can stop us from achieving our goals. In this week’s episode, I share some of my thoughts around why we don’t need everyone to like us and approve of everything that we do, as well as why trying to control things and people doesn’t serve us or anyone else. I also talk about the things we can control, in a healthy way, and how to focus on those things to create the impact and outcomes that we truly want.

 

Key Takeaways:

[2:46] Letting go of seeking approval and having control is something we may struggle with, but it is important to do as it can impede living our best lives.

[3:42] How much of my time and energy is spent and ultimately wasted insatiably wanting everyone to approve of me, like me, and validate me?

[6:28] Mike shares one of the things he finds most difficult about parenthood, particularly when dealing with teenagers and adolescents, and how that relates to his life in general.

[10:59] Reminder to self: It’s not necessary for everyone to like me.

[15:33] Not everyone will approve of you. What’s important is that you don’t let that need for approval stop you.

[19:47] When we don’t get the approval we are seeking, we often go into control mode. However, in reality, there are only two things you can control.

[24:54] Trying to control things and people doesn’t work.

[29:29] Let’s let go of our obsession with needing to be approved of and our controlling tendencies.

 

Resources:

Purchase Bring Your Whole Self to Work and gain access to bonus material

Mike Robbins Website

Mike Robbins Podcast

Mike Robbins on Facebook

Mike Robbins on Twitter

Mike Robbins on Instagram

We're All in This Together, by Mike Robbins (Pre-order)

We're All In This Together Podcast Episode: “Why Embracing Loss and Grief Is So Important to Our Growth”

Brené Brown

We’re All In This Together Podcast Episode: “How to Stay Relevant in Today’s Noisy World with Bill Cates”

We’re All In This Together Podcast Episode: “It’s The Relationships That Make a Team Great with Dean Stotz”

What You Think About Me is None of My Business, by Terry Cole-Whittaker

 

Shareables:

 

“We waste so much time and energy seeking the approval of others.” — @mikedrobbins

 

“There’s a big difference between wanting the positive engagement of others, which is essential to our success, and thinking we need approval, which is often insatiable and damaging.” — @mikedrobbins

 

“There are only two things you can control...your attitude and your effort.”  — @mikedrobbins