Life Is Love School

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This might look like:

This strange compulsion to date abusers continues until the victim notices the patterns and consciously works on healing themselves.

In this episode, I provide 9 reasons to help you understand why childhood abuse survivors tend to get revictimized in adult relationships and provide insights on how you can heal yourself, so you do not get victimized again.

Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool

In this episode, I continue from the last episode (Listen to Part I) and cover additional tips for how to date smart so you find a great partner and prevent the common traps that suck survivors into abusive relationships.

Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool

People who suffered childhood abuse tend to do one of two things as adults: isolate to avoid getting hurt again, or turn to toxic individuals who remind them of their abusive caretakers.   

Revictimization, the phenomenon where childhood abuse survivors tend to get abused again in adult relationships, is unfortunately common. However, it does not have to be this way.   

In this episode and next, I call out common pitfalls that trip many survivors in the dating phase and provide you specific tips you can follow to date smart.

Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool

Have you ever been in a toxic or even outright abusive relationship but find it next to impossible to leave?  A part of you that knows the relationship is unhealthy and wreaking havoc on your mental health. Still, the idea of leaving is terrifying, maybe even feels impossible because you've tried many times and you went back every time.

Why is it so hard to leave when the relationship causes you so much pain? 

If this is ringing a bell, you may have experienced what's called a trauma bond. The biggest problem with trauma bonding is that the victim becomes trapped in a toxic relationship and will not leave. 

In this episode, I cover the behavior conditioning trick that animal trainers use to train animals to perform tricks, how the abuser users this same manipulation to control you, and how to break the spell so you can get out.

Connect with fellow survivors and access free resources: https://linktr.ee/lifeisloveschool

When something bad happens, do you automatically think it's your fault? 

Many childhood trauma survivors tend to default to self-blame. When you were little, developmentally, you could not see beyond yourself and understand that your caregivers could not meet your needs. Because of this, when bad things happen, blaming it on yourself seems the most reasonable, especially since you saw your parents as all-knowing, all-powerful, and perfect beyond blame.

The habit of blaming oneself is exacerbated if your parents also regularly put you down for things that are not your fault. If you internalized the blame to "I am not good enough," the feeling of less then can become part of your identity, and you start to blame yourself for things that are not your fault.

When an intimate relationship ends, the brain of a person who has a habit of self-blaming goes into overdrive. They cannot stop ruminating about what they could've or should've done, and some go as far as wishing there's a time machine so they can go back in time and "get it right." This excessive self-blame is not only incredibly painful but keeps them stuck in limbo, unable to move forward.

If self-blame keeps you from moving forward at the end of a relationship, this episode is for you. 

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This is a follow up to part I: https://anchor.fm/life-is-love-school/episodes/Why-People-Dont-Recognize-They-Were-Abused-in-Childhood-Part-I-e148i15/a-a4969gp

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Do you tell yourself:

If you suffered abuse at the hands of people you once trusted, feeling that you have your back to the wall and you cannot trust anyone again is a common coping mechanism.

You built this hard shell to shield your heart from further abuse, betrayal, and disappointment.

You not only find it difficult to trust others, but you also no longer trust in your ability to choose people.

But extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE. It is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.

By not trusting, you prevent hurt, but you also push away love because love cannot exist without trust.

If you want to learn how to trust again, this episode is for you. I also prescribe an exercise at the end that you can do at home to help you heal trust wounds.

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In this episode, I cover the first 5 of 10 reasons why survivors might not recognize that they were abused as children.     

You cannot change what you do not acknowledge. — Dr. Phil  

Not recognizing abuse is actually very common, but if we want to live a better life, the first step has to be understanding how our past shaped us today, including how it affects the way we think, feel, and behave. We have to face the past to heal it.  

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Have you ever counseled a friend who is obviously in an abusive relationship but they don't seem to recognize it? To an outsider, it can be baffling why someone chooses to stay in an abusive relationship when all the evidence is there that they should leave. You really care about this person, and you see the toll the abuse has on them, yet they seem to live in denial and may even come to defend their abuser. 

In this episode, I share 5 reasons why people may not recognize abuse in an intimate partner scenario. 

Remember that victims often believe they are stuck or help may not be available, so remind them that there is help and give them hope will go a long way in shoring up their courage to leave.

If you enjoy videos like this, please LIKE and SUBSCRIBE to get notified of upcoming videos, and feel free to leave a comment if you come up with other reasons I might have missed. I always love hearing from you! 

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