What is limerence? In this podcast, relationship strategist Coach Lee, discusses the mental state of limerence and what you can do if your spouse or ex boyfriend/girlfriend is having a limerence affair with someone.

Coach Lee compares limerence vs love and discusses what you can do if they are infatuated with this other person (known as the limerent object).

If your marriage is in trouble and you are separated due to your spouse having a limerence affair, this video will explain what is going on and why it seems you can't compete with this other person. So what is Limerence? It is a state of mind where people often leave marriages or long term, stable relationships to, instead, be with someone they haven't known for a long time at all but have amazing, sky-high feelings for. Dr. Tennov studied people in this infatuation and coined the term/word “limerence.”

Coach Lee will also discuss how you may fight for the heart of the one you love if they are in Limerence. When a spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend is experiencing limerence, they are under the influence of the chemicals associated with that mental state. Those brain chemicals are mainly dopamine and serotonin.

The ex lover or spouse in limerence is addicted to those chemical highs and is always chasing the greatest high experienced from the relationship. What they don't realize is that they can never duplicate that high again - though they might come close. Over time the highs get lower and lower until the person feels they have “fallen out of love.” They will then be vulnerable to chasing that high through the host of another person.

For more information, watch Coach Lee's video on Limerence and see his post at What is Limerence?

On Medium at: What Is Limerence in Relationships?

Understanding Limerence: The Intense World of Romantic Obsession

What is Limerence?

Limerence, a term coined by Dr. Dorothy Tennov many years ago, describes an intense, often overwhelming romantic desire. It's a state of mind characterized by an all-consuming passion and longing for another person, typically someone with whom the individual has not had a long-standing relationship. Those in the throes of limerence might find themselves leaving behind stable, long-term relationships for a whirlwind romance filled with sky-high emotions and a sense of urgency.

The Characteristics of Limerence:

Limerence is more than just a crush or infatuation; it is an addictive state. Individuals in limerence experience a powerful attraction to another person, often believing they have never felt this way before. This condition is marked by a series of intense emotions and a significant chemical reaction in the brain. Key characteristics include:

Intense Emotional Attachment: Individuals feel an overwhelming emotional attachment to the person of their desire, often believing this person is the only one who can fulfill them.

Idealization: The object of limerence, or the "limerent object," is often placed on a pedestal, idealized to an unrealistic degree.

Intrusive Thoughts: Those experiencing limerence find themselves constantly thinking about the other person, to the extent that it may interfere with their daily life.

Emotional Dependence: Their mood and overall well-being seem entirely dependent on their interactions with the limerent object.

Fear of Rejection: Despite the intense desire, there's also an acute fear of rejection from the limerent object, leading to a range of behaviors from shyness to extreme efforts to please.

The Chemical High of Limerence:

At its core, limerence is driven by a cocktail of chemicals in the brain. Dopamine, the feel-good neurotransmitter, spikes, leading to feelings of pleasure and reward. Meanwhile, changes in serotonin levels can disrupt rational thinking and decision-making, explaining why those in limerence often make seemingly irrational choices, like leaving a stable partner for a new, uncertain relationship. This chemical high can lead individuals to act out of