As a young girl, Adaire Petrichor companioned her grandfather during his life-altering experiences with cancer, the treatments that followed and his eventual death. Adaire was profoundly affected when her youngest sister's life was tragically cut short when she was 21. In these two very different deaths, Adaire began to see the many ways grief carved its initials into one’s heart and soul.

She was to learn one more lesson about advocacy and cancer and the circles of life and death when her youngest son, age 11, was diagnosed with a rare form of cutaneous lymphoma. Little did she know how these experiences would shape and influence the inner landscape of her soul, nurturing the seed that was emerging as her life's work.

Adaire is the Founder of Heart of Dying Doulas LLC and the Founder and Director of The Heart of Dying Project, a budding non-profit dedicated to building community-based circles of care, through education, training and advocacy. The Heart of Dying’s mission is in Guiding the dying home, one Heart, one Family, one Community at a time.

She is deeply invested in the community and has been training end of life doulas, holding monthly meet-ups, workshops and trainings in end of life care for the last several years. A large part of the Heart of Dying’s vision is in creating a social hospice serving homeless and underserved women, while training displaced women, to accompany the residents as end of life companion doulas.

In this episode, Adaire describes how she listens to others at the end of their life. Adaire explains how she integrates families and medical professionals into the discussions that happen when life is about to move to a different place.

Today’s Topics:

• Adaire is an end of life doula and chaplain who helps people navigate through the difficult task of transitioning from life to death.
• She shares how she listens carefully to those moving on and away from life.
• She listens carefully to their families and the medical practitioners involved in the situation.
• We talk about the incredible power of looking carefully into people.
• Listening deeply without judgement to make sense and meaning out of what they are saying about the purpose of their lives.
• Finding the story for why children are here on earth. There are a lot of emotions that rise and fall like a hurricane on the ocean.
• The importance of being open and developing rapport, but not offering answers and just letting them talk.
• Not being emotional and thinking of yourself as a conduit or blank slate that is just holding the words, feelings, and energy that this person is sharing.
• Adaire uses techniques to bring herself in the present moment like journaling, writing, and paying attention to the chair she is sitting in.
• It’s not her job to take away this person’s pain as they offer her moments of their history and grief.
• When they are finished they will tell her physically and emotionally and take back what they need.
• Sharing these moments is a gift that is being shared and received.
• Repeating some parts of the story helps with integration and making sense.
• Listening and just helping the family out and creating a healing and remarkable experience.
• Balancing listening to those transitioning and those staying behind. Trusting intuition and experience.
• Practice applying value to the act of being to become a deeper listener.
• How the dying speak in a different language when they are close to death.

Links and Resources:

• The Life of Death
• Heart of Dying Doulas LLC
• The Heart of Dying Project

Quotes:

I benefited thinking of language as a whole experience. - Adaire

The visual, the sound, and the smell all of that is really part of my language. - Adaire

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