Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 

The Pitfalls of Leadership are descending steps, one connects to the other with predictable effects. 

Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.” 

The descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others who the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others. 

The Five Pitfalls:

These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them. 

Living in freedom from the Pitfalls is work. It is a daily activity and a lifestyle. 

In the Pitfalls, we are driven by what we are running from. Essentially, we are running from: 

The daily activities that become the recovering leader’s lifestyle are:

Daily activities have to be practiced until we see the results and their benefits; 

The daily practices become a lifestyle. 

The leader eventually desires for his/her life to be different and adopts the new lifestyle because it is “better” than what life was like in the Pitfalls.

Click here to continue reading episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 

The Five Pitfalls:

These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them. 

Out of the Pit

Hopeful Truths:

we are created for it.

That which we think has destroyed us has opened up a future before us. Listen to Episode #26 “Becoming a Portable Sanctuary.

The woundedness of the leader, coordinated with their healing, becomes the leader’s newly discovered productivity.

Liberation from bondage is available. If there is breath, there is hope. 

Recovery from addiction to control begins with:

In these two beginning steps, the impaired leader must admit the specific nature of his/her secrets in order to get relief. 

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. 

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 

Remember that the Pitfalls are descending steps; one connects to the other with predictable effects. 

Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.” 

The descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others whom the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others. 

The Five Pitfalls:

These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them. 

# 5 Secrets sap the leader’s passion and purpose

Once the leader’s true self is isolated, the “getaway” or “cure” is usually a closely held secret. 

     A secret is anything one withholds from appropriate people because they 

     fear rejection, judgment, censuring, or being controlled. 

Secrets: 

At this point, a leader begins to survive in a cycle of work, performance, isolation, and secrets that increase toxic shame and guilt. 

To dissipate the shame and guilt, the leader tries to work harder, perform better, which cycles into a repetition of isolation and secrets. 

As the cycle continues, a leader will begin to experience symptoms of burnout, depression, excessive anxiety, addiction, and other forms of impairment.

Jesus says in John 10:10, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (NIV)

To many leaders who are caught up in the swirl of Pitfall #5, this scripture reference seems like a long-lost illusion. 

By Pitfall #5, the leader is far away from everything they had once hoped and believed. 

Jesus also says in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” (NIV)

This reference is a living, breathing experience for the leader. He or she is being robbed of every blessing they were created to experience in the passion, struggle, and joy of getting to do what they were created to do. 

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights. 

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 

The Pitfalls of Leadership are descending steps, one connects to the other with predictable effects. 

Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.” 

The descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others who the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others. 

The Five Pitfalls:

These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them. 

#4 To be an example to others, the true self is isolated

Leaders often put pressure on themselves to: 

This demand for perfection sets up a leader to deny his/her own feelings and needs. 

Denial does not stop needs, but instead arouses toxic shame when the leader has a need. Isolating the heart from being known from the inside-out leaves a leader hungry to get needs met and yet unable to need people to meet the needs. 

An inanimate source of fulfillment can become the “getaway” or “cure” for the leader at this point. Therefore, counterfeit fulfillments for needs take the place of relational fulfillments.

Problems that trap leaders are so widespread and repeated that they are considered normal, but they are not.

The Pitfalls are not normal, but they are so abundantly common that we can easily relate to them, and often get trapped by them. 

We must not confuse what most people consider as common, with what is normal. 

The book Keeping Heart by Dr Chip Dodd is a series of meditative “pearls” on what true normal is.

In the description of Pitfall 3, “People Become Things,” the drive for perfection in the leader begins to emotionally and spiritually drain the leader because he/she is not addressing their need for replenishment.

Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 

The 5 Pitfalls are descending steps. One step connects to another with predictable effects. 

Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.” 

The Five Pitfalls:

These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one finds freedom from them.

People Become Things

Leaders enter the world of doing good because they wish the pain of the world to be treated, bettered, or healed. 

However, as the leader slips into the pitfalls: 

The leader whose worth is trapped in work, and whose performance is valued more than their presence shows symptoms of people becoming things

They experience “feeling drained” of the passion or energy that had compelled them in the beginning. 

Whether slowly or rapidly, the leader becomes restless, irritable, and discontent.

Indicators of restlessness and irritable can be overt or covert, but the symptoms are “known” to the leader, but not accurately taken responsibility for. 

Compulsivity takes over for “being compelled.”

Blame, projection onto others, and denial are hallmarks of the impaired leader at Pitfall #3.

*The family is usually affected first and foremost, before the signs are noted by others who the leader influences.

In the name of loyalty the family members begin to take on feelings of “self-blame” and toxic shame that comes with the leader’s self-negligence.

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 

The Pitfalls are descending steps, one connects to the other with predictable effects. 

Some leaders have referred to the descent as a “chain reaction.” 

This descent can be stopped at any time, with an intervention from others who the leader listens and healthily responds to, or a cry out from the leader in descent who is heard and responded to by others. 

The Five Pitfalls:

These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them. 

Pitfall #2: Performance Begins to be Valued More than One’s Presence:

When a leader’s primary personal value is associated with performance, they become someone they are not—"human doings.” 

To be present means to be able to present the truth of our inner selves as human beings to others. 

Presence is the ability to speak the feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hopes of one’s own heart. 

People who are actively present can be “in need” and be led. 

Performers develop contempt for their neediness. They also eventually develop secret contempt and fear towards the needs of others because they see others as the ones who demand that they perform. 

The “ease” of being one’s true self is lost in the “dis-ease” or stress of believing that one is only valuable for their performance.

People who are performers can be driven by anxiety

A leader who believes that their performance matters more than their personal presence is actually driven by anxiety, more than they are compelled by inspiration or mission/calling.

These performers:

A leader is expected to be effective and productive 

A leader is expected to perform and meet the needs of those they are on mission to help, which is good. However, every leader needs a place to go where they can honestly share their own needs, without toxic shame, and where others can do the same. 

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click Here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 

There are 5 Pitfalls of Leadership. These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one finds freedom from them. 

The 5 Pitfalls of Leadership Are Interconnected and Work in a Descending Order:

This episode will focus on Pitfall #1: One’s Work is Confused with One’s Worth.

Leaders can draw crowds, get things done, or set themselves apart from others through accomplishments or talents. This work can be good and true. However, a leader can confuse the crowds, the feedback, and accomplishments with his/her worth as a person. 

Sadly, A leader’s sense of confidence and value can begin to go up or down based upon the applause they receive. 

While pursuing one’s worth in the “workplace,” being a “Dad” or “Mom” loses its importance and sense of value/purpose. 

This effect can happen to professionals, little league coaches, church volunteers, and PTA presidents. 

A leader can easily forget that their worth comes from being human. Worth is inborn; we don’t lose it. 

The crowd looks for what the leader can give.

God and loved ones look for the heart of who the person is from the inside out. 

Worth tied to the crowd can mean loss of recognition of worth as a person.

Finding Methods of Prevention

When leaders fall or fail, so often they are simply replaced to keep the mission or agenda going. That is not a bad thing related to the responsibilities of the mission; however, we need also to be curious enough about what created the fall or failure to find prevention methods that can reduce negative, even tragic, outcomes. 

There is Always Hope

If a leader doesn’t catch himself/herself in the early stages of Pitfall #1, it isn’t the end. Very often, the failure becomes a “doorway” into a new world of a new life, even a better life. This “better” life requires a recovery process with guides and helpers; otherwise, the negative process usually continues.

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 

Leaders Have a Need for Help:

*Leaders need to be able to receive restoration and replenishment so they can continue to

serve well. They refill by being humble enough to know their limits, to recognize their needs, and to ask for

help. 

I have worked with leaders for more than thirty-five years. I have recognized five common pitfalls that block leaders from receiving the replenishment that is essential to lead well. These pitfalls can stymie a leader’s passion and purpose. As a result, the people the leader wishes to help ultimately do not receive what they need.

Pitfalls of Leadership

Life is full of struggle, and the struggle is not preventable. Samuel Beckett wrote, “You are on earth. There is no cure for that.” Life’s struggles are inevitable, but the Pitfalls of Leadership are preventable.

The Five Pitfalls:

These pitfalls can destroy careers, friendships, reputations, marriages and families—unless one is freed from them. 

Everyone always wonders, “What happened to them? How did this self-destruction happen?”

These episodes on the “Pitfalls” are about preventing those questions from being asked. Whether you are a parent, a pastor, a plumber, or a pulmonologist, these episodes are for you.

These episodes are also about what to do when you find yourself in the “Pitfalls” or when the consequences have already impacted your life.

Hope in spite of the Pitfalls: The beauty of life and the beauty of God in our lives gives us the hope of:

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at [email protected]. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 

God has created “woman” with extraordinary gifts. These gifts that need to be encouraged and  expanded. Women have for centuries been minimized and diminished, sometimes mistakenly using God as the “reason” and “right” to do so.  

A man has a responsibility to honor his spouse with encouragement, and with the security that  supports the expansion of her gifts.  

Conclusive Main Points of “Understanding a Woman’s Heart,” Episodes #63-#69 before sharing the importance of the Hebrew word Ezer, which is used to refer to  women in the Bible 

The Need to Listen: 

A great sadness in many marriages is that the man actually doesn’t truly listen. So often, he is so  “busy” attempting to “prove” himself, “earn” love through performance, and mistakenly  equating being respected with actually being controlling, that he ends up being responsible FOR her rather than response-able TO her.  Episodes #32 and Episode #43. 

The man often believes that: 

Suppression of Expression = Depressing the Heart 

If the man doesn’t learn the “art” of listening to the woman (Episode #68 and Episode #69) he will be participating in suppressing the person that God created to be fully alive. The “fruit” produced by a woman who is fully alive, will be diminished. 

“You are on earth. There is no cure for that.” Samuel Beckett: 

Regardless of the mistakes that all humans make in relationship, we are inevitably and  inextricably created for relationship and its benefits. Mistakes and pain in relationship are  always going to be part and parcel of marriage. Each person must be able to relate to suffering and what it is like to be a human being on this earth. Each person must develop great tolerance  for being imperfect. This side of heaven, there is no perfect.

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected]. 

Origins of Understanding a Woman’s Heart

In this podcast series we have been discussing the dynamics of a woman’s heart in relation to a man’s heart. The content we have discussed has come from education and research; Scriptural foundations; and even more, from the 1000s of individuals and couples whom I have worked with in a therapeutic setting.

Relationships are a matter of the heart, as much and more than they are an experience of the brain:

In this way, the foundational needs of belonging and mattering are met through relationship.

The connected couple can build on the foundation of security and appreciation. 

This couple will experience the future together, come what may, because their connection and commitment are based in the “pain tolerance” of the heart, not the “pain intolerance” of the brain. The brain seeks pleasure; the heart tolerates the pain of love.

Super Practical “Response-Abilities”

After creating a foundation for understanding the emotional and spiritual needs of the relationship, the following reality needs to be grasped:

A man’s primary job is “customer service”! A man is created to serve others, especially his family. 

A man serves best when he does the following three actions consistently: