LOVE IS FEARLESS

"The knowledge that we are loved will never peel away our masks or heal our wounds. “Knowing about love” and “experiencing love” are not the same thing." (The Cure, by John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall)

Isn't it weird that "knowing about fear" and "experiencing fear" are almost always the same thing? If we know there's a reason to fear, we will.

But love? Just because there's "a reason to love," doesn't seem to open the faucet. We hold back...like there's a love shortage and we need to conserve the good stuff. We restrain ourselves...like we might risk and waste. In our gut, we know love is sacred.

As long as we stay afraid of love, we will be slaves to fear.

In this episode, we share eight things we've discovered about love--and why we keep trusting it.  We're learning to live without fear--and LOVEISFEARLESS.com wants to help you choose love, too.

We offer these TAKE AWAYS in this last episode (#66) titled the BRAVE LOVE podcast. 

• Love doesn't put a rubber stamp on fear and hate and call it "good."  Love has the power to transform fear and hate, and it will when we trust it.  Love is always ready to resolve those things...that it loves us in spite of.
• Love isn't behavior modification. Love is response modification.  Too many times, we don't risk responding with love because we think we have to have all the answers.  The answer we always need first is the love that erases our fear.
• We can't build love banks like we build food banks.  We can't donate love like we donate blood.  We can't give away love like our outgrown clothes.  LOVE is like oxygen, and the only tanks it can be delivered in are human beings.

This podcast will continue with a new name. Join us for future episodes on the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast.  Remember, together--there is great hope.

These resources were mentioned in this episode:

Our new LOVE IS FEARLESS website with FREE resources.  https://loveisfearless.com/

The Cure https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-What-isnt-think-neither/dp/1934104086/

The Gift In You https://smile.amazon.com/Gift-You-Discovering-Through-Hidden/dp/0981956734/

Searching For God Knows What https://smile.amazon.com/Searching-Knows-What-Donald-Miller/dp/1400202752/

Scary Close https://smile.amazon.com/Scary-Close-Dropping-Finding-Intimacy/dp/078521318X/

Our work to build schools without fear:  https://john15academy.com

We're on a mission--to build a world without fear.  Too many people live as slaves--afraid.  The world is missing out on their voice, their creativity, and the beauty, strength, and passion they were created to contribute.  Too many people are missing out on freedom.

We can't fight a war against fear by lobbying the legislature to make more laws. Fear doesn't obey the law.  You can't buy anything (legally or illegally) to stop fear.  There is only one weapon against fear--and that weapon is LOVE.

We've tried to do a lot of damage in our culture to the integrity of love.  We've called things LOVE that are not love.  And, now, many people are afraid--of love.  Fear is keeping too many of us afraid of the one thing that holds the keys to our freedom.  

This episode unpacks seven reasons why we're stuck in fear--and sets the stage for episode #66 that will reveal eight things we've discovered about love.  Until then, linger in these TAKE AWAYS:

• We will always be battling some sort of behavior issue until we win the war on fear.  There is one weapon that destroys fear--and it is LOVE, not law. Look for the fear before you write another rule.
• In our culture today, fear is normal and love is abnormal.  It's time for a culture shift.
• If we teach love like a behavior system--and turn it in to a sticker chart or a checklist--it won't be love.  Love will taste like bad frozen fish sticks if we turn it into the skill of the week.

Together, there is great hope.  

We mention these resources in this episode:

Donald Miller's podcast--How To Frame Your Mission To Get Maximum Buy-in--An Interview with U.S. Ambassador for Trafficking in Persons, John Richmond

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/building-a-storybrand-with-donald-miller/id1092751338

Our work to build schools without fear: 

https://john15academy.com

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning 

https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

It is most often the things we're created to find the greatest pleasure in--that become our greatest places of bondage instead.  Think about food and sex--and social media.

Social media offers to meet our God-given need for connection and belonging. So why does it seem like we can never get enough?  How can something we were meant to enjoy, all of a sudden seem like a trap?  or like an addiction we didn't see coming?

Join us in this episode, and listen with a pencil in your hand so you can write down five short questions to ask yourself about your social media attraction.  These questions can be helpful in a conversation with your child, too, as they begin to navigate the social media scene.

These five questions are our gift to you in this episode, along with these three TAKE AWAYS:

• What we love or what we fear will grab our attention and require our time and energy and resources--and what we spend our time on will shape our convictions--and stir our emotions.
• A love of freedom is learned in an environment of freedom.  Freedom invites us to discover many loves--and live pursuing what we love.  Addictions convict us with shame--and invite us to live with a need for power, or with a chronic case of apathy.
• Fear sets no boundaries.  Love does.  Fear will bully you if you have boundaries.  Fear wants to make you feel guilty for setting limits on your integrity.  Love casts out fear.  Learn to set boundaries to protect yourself from anything that's not for you.

Follow this link to listen now--or subscribe on your favorite podcast provider.  Thank you for sharing this episode with your best friend, or your small group.  Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Cure & Parents https://smile.amazon.com/The-Cure-Parents/dp/B01M63E02N/

Lisa Leonard https://smile.amazon.com/Brave-Love-Making-Space-You/dp/B07FSYYN8T/and https://www.lisaleonard.com/

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com 

Experiencing love builds trust.  

Trust is the door that lets love in.

Do you see the problem?  We need to experience love to build trust, and trust is the door that lets love in. Just like the chicken and the egg--which comes first? Love? or Trust?

If you are a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, or a leader--love comes first.  Love flows first from a mature source.  The love we offer our children will help build a relationship of trust with them--so they will trust and benefit from the love we offer.  Love is our primary responsibility as care-givers.

Love isn't a checklist, or a subject on today's schedule. But love does--so what does love do?  And what does love say? 

This episode offers some specific guidelines about meeting our children's real needs--with love, so we can teach them how to trust.  We offer these TAKE AWAYS:

• We need to spend some time learning about real needs, how love meets those real needs, and how we build relationships of trust with each other--so we'll trust the love we are offered.
• We don't have a real need for stickers...or screen time...or dessert.  We don't even have a real need for performance.  We do have a real need for work--and work is different than performing.  We are created to work--and for our work to have a good impact and influence in our own lives and the lives of those around us.
• Trust isn't built without admitting that we have real needs--by design, not just when trouble comes.  Love builds trust--when I am humble and admit my needs.  Now I know how to build trust with others, too.  I get to notice their real needs and meet their needs with love.  

Love is the fuel of maturity. Let's build children that run on love, instead of fear.  Let's change the world this way.

Use this link to listen now--or subscribe on your favorite podcast provider.  Thank you for sharing this podcast with your friends--and small group. Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Love Does by Bob Goff https://smile.amazon.com/Love-Does-Discover-Secretly-Incredible/dp/1400203759/

The Advantage by Pat Lencioni https://smile.amazon.com/Advantage-Organizational-Health-Everything-Business/dp/0470941529/

Education by Design, Not Default by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

"How to Help Your Child Learn To Struggle Well" -- a free webinar https://www.john15academy.com/webinarsignup

So much has changed in the past few generations that's led us to almost believe that children don't belong in the grocery store anymore.  Two of the biggest changes are:

1. SO MANY choices!  Grocery stores today have millions of choices--and almost all of the new choices are processed foods...that are not really food.  But they taste good!  A trip to the grocery store requires that we say, "No, thank you" or "Not today" or "Absolutely not!  Have you read the ingredients on those things?!"  We have to say "No" on almost every aisle--to ourselves and to our children.
2. SO MUCH pleasing!  Relationships are worn down these days by so much trying to please--especially our children.  And our children have learned they can require us to please them--because we require them to please us.  We don't really trust each other anymore.  We just keep trying to be the best pleasers.

Our biggest issue with trust may be that we're out of practice sorting the real needs from the "felt" needs--that are not also real.

And, we've fallen for the lie that more is always better--or that more than enough is better.  So now, we're in bondage to more.  We're spending our time and energy and resources trying to do more--and get more, instead of enjoying each other--and the life we already have.

Instead of enjoying sugar--we're dying from it.  Instead of enjoying time--we're running out of it.  Instead of enjoying money--we're slaves to it.

We're living in fear--of missing out. Anxiety is literally killing us.  Fear is out of control. And, there is great hope!

Join us in this episode as we unpack grocery shopping--yes!  And, so much more.  This episode could change the way you and your family begin to prioritize spending your time, energy, and resources.  We offer these three TAKE AWAYS:

• Trust real needs to sit in the driver's seat of your life.  Trying to meet "felt" needs--that are not also real needs--is bondage.
• When you're deciding to please yourself--or your child--by meeting a "felt" need, make sure you're also building trust in the relationship by meeting a real need, too. Spend your time, money, and energy prioritizing real needs.
• When we have more than enough, while we are still immature in our choosing--we often live a life of pleasing...ourselves...and our children...in ways that offer bondage--instead of freedom.  Our real need is freedom.

Follow this link to listen now--and thank you for subscribing on your favorite podcast provider.  You probably know a friend who would benefit from this episode, too.  Thank you for sharing it with them.

We mention these resources in this episode:

John 15 Academy--btw--there's a new FREE resource on this website! https://john15academy.com 

Conflict is healthy.  Conflict invites us to look closer inside ourselves and ask, "What story am I telling myself?" and "Is it true?"  When we're in the middle of an argument--it feels anything but healthy.  We feel out of balance. We feel like someone is rocking our boat.

There is a way of navigating conflict that doesn't force or fix--but that offers freedom instead.  In freedom we can regain our internal balance and begin to steer our own ship in a trustworthy way, even in the middle of other storms that throw us off balance again.

In this episode, we share a fight we had recently that started with, of all things, a grasshopper.  But we weren't really fighting about a grasshopper.  We were fighting about feeling foolish...and the hurtful ways we can speak to each other when we feel foolish.

This episode casts a wide net--and includes considerations and questions about punishment, justice, trust, character, and truth.  We wrap it up with these TAKE AWAYS:

• "When there is trust, conflict becomes nothing but the pursuit of truth--an attempt to find the best possible answer."  (The Advantage, by Pat Lencioni)
• Balance is internal, not external. The journey we take in this world will throw us off balance.  Brave Love reminds us to pause and regain our internal balance before continuing on in the journey.
• Brave Love builds trust instead of destroys it--because we're fighting together...for the freedom to live in the truth.

Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends and your spouse--especially if you're navigating a conflict.  You can follow this link to listen now.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Advantage, by Pat Lencioni https://smile.amazon.com/Advantage-Organizational-Health-Everything-Business/dp/0470941529/

John Lynch, author of On My Worst Day--and many others!  https://smile.amazon.com/My-Worst-Day-Cheesecake-Koufax/dp/1934104078/

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com 

There is not a time in history when people were not organizing themselves around idols and tangled theology.  As a human race, we get attracted to the promises of law or power--or fear of what we can't control, so we try more desperately to control.

We get to share the journey through history with the next generation--and we get to empathize with real people from the past and the present.  Empathy is a powerful place to sit in relationships, and empathy alone will not offer the healing our story of history hands us today.

Join us on this Brave Love episode as we rally around a real need for empathy in our world--and a real need for more.  This episode offers these take aways:

• Freedom only happens in love, not hate.  Freedom only happens in forgiveness, not self-righteousness.  Freedom only happens when I have the power inside of me to choose love--for myself and for you.  There is only one source of this power.
• Wisdom is not often popular. Wisdom is discovered the hard way--on the long road--in community with people who care enough to find truth...not simply agreement or power.
• "Allow generosity to take the lead and you'll probably discover that it's easier to find the guts." (Seth Godin)  In order for generosity to take the lead--we need a generous heart, and we're not born with one the first time.  We need a new heart--not a new hate.

Follow this link to listen now--and thank you for subscribing to the Brave Love podcast on your favorite podcast provider.  Share this episode with your friends.  There is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Seth Godin's blog post, Innovation is guts plus generosity https://seths.blog/2019/08/innovation-is-guts-plus-generosity/

Mercy Me - Lifer album - Ghost  https://youtu.be/w0Y0UXpxtGQ

Brene Brown - about empathy  https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com

Our culture is saturated with pain. And, our brains don't distinguish between a physical threat and an emotional threat.  In painful circumstances, our automated response is fight--or flight.

Fight and flight can look like an argument, hiding in front of a screen, divorce, addiction, or suicide.  It can look like the trauma of terrorism and mass shootings.  

How do we begin to navigate pain--including the real pain of loneliness--in a way that is healthy, instead of toxic?  If we learn how, we can help our children learn a healing response to pain, too.

Join us on this episode that offers a practical conversation from a BRAVE LOVE subscriber--and these TAKE AWAYS:

• What story does our pain tell us?  Is our pain a place of shame or healing?
• God tells you the truth--about who He is, about who you are, about school, and about loneliness.  He knows that when you trust Him, you'll begin to let the truth of your identity sit in the driver's seat of your decisions--instead of giving your emotions the keys to your behavior.
• In this life, you will be lonely.  Loneliness is like dust.  It is real--and it is not you.  Lonely is an emotion.  It is a dusty emotion, instead of a glittery one.  It's one we don't enjoy.  When we let loneliness build up, it's like plaque on our teeth or cholesterol in our arteries.  Love is an antidote to loneliness.  Love tells us the truth.  Will we trust LOVE or dust?

Use this link to listen now--and make sure you don't miss an episode by subscribing on your favorite podcast provider.  Thank you for sharing BRAVE LOVE with your friends and family.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Waking Up Slowly by Dave Burchett. https://www.amazon.com/Waking-Up-Slowly-Spiritual-Unexpected/dp/1496415825/

A blog to read to your child about school:  http://thesweetspot.apps-1and1.com/a-true-story-about-you-and-god-and-school-a-blog-post-to-read-to-your-child

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com 

Education by Design, Not Default by Janet Newberry https://www.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

"If we had more friends, we'd feel validated."  

"Everyone has friends but me."

We wrote these two statements in a list of 14 statements the other day.  We were feeling lonely.  This BRAVE LOVE episode tells more of our story, and shares how we navigated and began to resolve our real feelings.

Loneliness is like a thunderstorm.  It feels dark and unsettling--and we can forget that others experience loneliness, too.  We're not the only ones who hear thunder.  There isn't anything uniquely wrong with us--because we're experiencing feelings of loneliness.

But loneliness often lies.  All 14 of the statements we wrote down when we were feeling lonely were lies--and, when we also wrote down the truth, the pain of our loneliness began to resolve.

How do you respond to your real feelings of loneliness?  How do your children respond?  Join us on this episode for a BRAVE LOVE conversation about struggling with loneliness.  We offer these TAKE AWAYS:

• Very real experiences offer us thoughts that are not true--about ourselves, about others, and about God.
• Loneliness is one of these experiences.  It's real, but offers us lies, not truth.  These experiences can bring dis-ease to our souls--and dis-ease to our bodies, if we don't reconcile our mind and will and emotions to the truth.
• Our part in relationship with God is always--trust and receive.  Our part is never to earn and deserve.  We are always the responder in our relationship with God.  He is a God of supply, not demand.  He supplies us with love and truth.

Follow this link to listen now--and thank you for subscribing on your favorite podcast provider.  

We mention these resources in this episode:

A free webinar called "How To Help Your Child Struggle Well"--available for a limited time on https://john15academy.com/webinarsignup

We're in Fredericksburg, TX for several months--in Freedom, our Airstream.  We'd love to sit at the table with you and hear your stories.  Check out the options for lodging near by. https://www.airbnb.com/a/Fredericksburg--Texas--United-States 

"If it's easier, let's do it!" could be the mantra in our world today.  We live in an age where we can make things go faster and skip the stuff that's tedious.  Technology has automated many day to day routines--so we can experience more free time.

Are you?  Are you experiencing more free time?  Or are we now stuck in a crisis of convenience--living life avoiding anything that might take too long or be unpleasant?

Seth Godin wrote this in a recent blog post, "(...)it's becoming more clear that the attention-seeking, profit-driven media industrial complex drives our culture more than reports on it."  His post concluded by saying, "But it's not our job to buy into it. (...) The first step is to stop taking the bait.  The second step is to say, "Follow me.""

Join Doug and Janet on this episode that fights for love more than convenience, and offers these TAKE AWAYS:

• A culture of consumerism is an addicted culture.  A full and free life happens in a culture of love and trust--and that culture is evidence more by contribution than consumerism.  The first step in a new direction--away from convenience--is to stop taking the bait.
• "The polar opposite of convenient is dreaming." (quote by Doug Newberry!)  When convenience is king, dreams dies.  
• The children of today will lead the countries of tomorrow.  Freedom is not convenient.  Maturity is not convenient.  Freedom is lost when immature cultures elect immature leaders.

Follow this link to listen now--and subscribe to Brave Love on your favorite podcast provider.  Thank you for sharing Brave Love with your friends and community.  Together, there is great hope.

These resources are shared in this episode:

Seth's blog post:  https://seths.blog/2019/07/where-will-the-media-take-us-next/

Janet's new website offering support for educators and homeschool families:  https://john15academy.com/