LOVE IS FEARLESS

In a culture of labels, have we forgotten that struggles can get resolved?  

Dr. Caroline Leaf reminds us, "Be careful how you talk about certain issues in your life because it will affect how you recover.  For example, don't say "my anxiety" or "my panic attacks" as you make these a part of your identity and see them as just a flawed part of who you are.  This mindset will keep you locked in and keep you from finding healing.  These are not who you are - these are feelings and signals that need to be addressed and dealt with."

The same is true for learning disabilities.  For too many children--we're settling for passing tests with accommodations--and as a culture, we're forgetting that healing really happens.  Who gives your child permission to not struggle with his disability forever?  

Join us on this BRAVE LOVE episode full of hope when we do the work that is required to repurpose education--for the children's sake.  Consider these TAKE AWAYs:

• Our thoughts build our brains.  Our expectations can change the nature of our biology.  We will build structures in our brains based on what we believe--whether it is true or not.  Fear increases our chance of getting the problem we're afraid we'll get!
• Here's a vital truth about maturity:  We don't mature because we get what we deserve.  We mature because we get what we need.  The stuff we don't deserve is the stuff that changes us.
• Struggle is a normal part of life.  In many ways, struggle is a gift--because we learn to ask for help from people who love us and who help us grow up and resolve our struggles.

Follow this link to listen now--and please share this podcast with your friends.  You can subscribe to BRAVE LOVE on your favorite podcast provider.  There is great hope!

These resources are mentioned in this episode:

Janet's webinar:  "How To Help Your Child Learn to Struggle Well"  This link goes to the John 15 Academy website--and you can find access there to the webinar replay.  

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry  

The Gift in You by Dr. Caroline Leaf 

Mindfulness is important and helpful and healthy.  It's a good first step.

And without a relationship of trust, this first step might have each of us walking in a circle--in the same old ruts--now simply more aware of how we're thinking while we're stuck in our ruts. 

Here's our BRAVE LOVE definition of success: 

Success is staying connected in relationships of trust—and navigating work, struggle, leisure, and fun—in truth, not lies—and love, not shame.

So, who helps you find success?  Who helps you sort out your thoughts--and trade lies for truth and shame for love?  Who has permission to help you change your mind--because you trust them, more than you trust yourself?

To trust someone is to be in agreement with them.  Wow.  You might want to read that sentence again.  Just because other people agree with us, doesn't mean what we're thinking is true.  And, what happens when the only person I trust--is myself?  

Join us on this valuable episode of the BRAVE LOVE podcast, and consider these TAKE AWAYS:

• A transformational relationship is one that has permission to change your mind.  Who is that for you?  How did you decide to trust them?
• Who or what is offering your child their thoughts today?  What source are you trusting--or are your kids trusting--to shape their thoughts, form their opinions, and spark their emotions?
• Behavior is the echo of belief.  I can agree with truth.  I can change my mind.  I can change my behavior.  I can change my brain.  I can change my life.  It all starts with changing my mind--and agreeing with truth.

Use this link to listen now--and please share the BRAVE LOVE podcast with your friends.  Subscribe on your favorite podcast provider.  There is great hope.

Janet and Doug talk about these resources on this episode:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/mindfulness

https://john15academy.com

https://janetnewberry.com/vulnerability-not-transparency/

He does not want to sit with me and allow me to walk with him and help him struggle well.  Maybe I'm just not giving enough time.  

Then I fall in the rut of "I'm not good enough" or "give me your phone, keys to the car...until you can spend time with your family and work on this..."

Dang.  This is hard.  And it is reality for many families.  It's like the story of the prodigal son in scripture, but the son in this story is rebelling while still living under the same roof.

Linger in this episode as we share more about transformational and transactional relationships, the power of "I change my mind," and staying connected while staying honest about real problems.

We offer these TAKE AWAYS, too:

• A relationship of trust is one where it is safe to admit I am wrong and say, "I change my mind."  This only happens when there is no added penalty for being wrong--and when the relationship is not at stake.
• Love always equips and never enables.  Just because a child complies doesn't mean they are growing up.  Compliance only asks me to do what you say to get what I want.  Trusting obedience invites me to trust you--and obey.  Obedience is evidence of maturity.
• Give your kids car keys and a phone because they are mature and responsible--and for no other reason.  There is too much risk involved in driving a car and having a phone for a child to get this privilege while they are immature and irresponsible.

Follow this link to listen now--and subscribe.  Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Fredericksburg Theater Company - Thank you for a wonderful "Sound of Music" evening.  Friends--check out the website for future productions...and come visit us!  https://www.fredericksburgtheater.org/

Check out our new website--dedicated to all things BRAVE LOVE and EDUCATION.  https://john15academy.com/ 

The Cure and Parents https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-Parents-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104094/

Education by Design, Not Default https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

This blogpost maybe helpful for you and your prodigal.  https://janetnewberry.com/prodigal-welcome-home/  

You've heard me say this before:  "If Brene Brown gets to be known as the shame researcher, Janet Newberry gets to be known as the love researcher."  And, here's one thing I've discovered--

There is no love without freedom, and there is no freedom without love.

This BRAVE LOVE episode begins with a casual discussion about the freedom of summer...and freedom to ponder, rather than always declaring "right" and "wrong."  The discussion gains strength when we begin to talk about relationships that are for us--and for helping us stay free...instead of relationships that benefit from our bondage.

If you've spent your childhood in America, you've breathed in a worldview and a belief system that affects your choices.  We, too.

So, what choices will our generation make?

What choices will our children and grandchildren make?

People who are loved well, love well.

Restored people, restore people.

Freed people, free people.

Join us on this bold and brave episode, and stay with us for these TAKE AWAYS:

• Often entertainment tells us what to think--and, often we engage in entertainment when we're too tired to think for ourselves.
• We have the chance to help our children see the lies and find the truth instead of get stuck in the bondage of their own immaturity.  Achievement alone won't solve the problem of prolonged immaturity.
• Our choices will make history--and the next generation will lead the countries of the future.  Immature leaders rise to power in immature cultures.  Immature cultures often live in chaos--and civil war.  Mature leaders find positions of leadership because of their desire to protect freedom--not gain power.  Mature cultures elect these kind of leaders.

Follow this link to listen now--and subscribe. Share this episode with your friends.  Let freedom ring!  Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Thank you, Jodey Smith, our podcast coach.  https://www.jodeysmith.com/

This guest blogpost:  The Joy of Raising Children Who Ponder

http://www.homegrownlearners.com/home/the-joy-of-raising-children-who-ponder

My book:  Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning

https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

John 15 Academy--our community for homeschool families.  

Before July 20, 2019, find out more at https://janetnewberry.com/ 

After July 20, 2019, find out more on our brand-new website dedicated to all things Brave Love in education.  https://john15academy.com/

A trophy!  Hooray!

We are a culture that gathers to applaud--and that's wonderful. And...interesting.  It's worth asking, "What's the motive? for all the extra events? to celebrate everything? for every child?"

The month of May in America is almost more crowded than December.  Awards ceremonies, sports banquets (for children in elementary school, too,) graduation events--for every grade level...  

It hasn't always been this way.  Is this a change for the better?  

Is it love?  Or is it FOMO?  Is it our "fear of missing out" that's filling our calendars and our children's walls with trophies and awards--and their fingers with championship rings?

What are the long-term benefits?  What are the red flags?

Here's one key concern:  Success alone won't solve the problem of prolonged immaturity.  Maturity is what's required to navigate winning and losing.  What stories are we telling ourselves--and our children--when everyone gets a trophy?

Join Janet and Doug in this episode, and share these TAKE AWAYs with your friends--as a place to start a valuable discussion:

• A trophy for all disconnects us in relationship--because it's not true. We didn't all win.  It's not building trust between adults and children--instead, it's too often a way to avoid hard conversations...that are true...instead of comfortable.
• We can't extinguish our children's shame stories--if they have ignited our own.  This is the benefit of a healthy community.
• What is a Brave Love definition of success?  Staying connected in relationships of trust and navigating struggle and success in truth, not lies---and love, not shame.

Follow this link to listen now--and to subscribe.  Share this episode with your friends, or your small group.  Send Janet and Doug an email with your considerations and questions. 

[email protected]  [email protected] 

There is great hope!

These resources are mentioned in this post:

An invitation from Doug and Janet to visit Fredericksburg, TX--come see us! https://www.visitfredericksburgtx.com/plan/visitor-information-center/

https://www.absolutecharm.com/

https://www.fbglodging.com/

A guest blogpost--from Janet!  http://www.homegrownlearners.com/home/the-joy-of-raising-children-who-ponder

Janet's book-- https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Our children need language to talk about the problem of bullying.  They need adults to have safe conversations about this difficult subject--so they can ask for help without shame.  We can help our children begin to understand what it means to be a bully--and better navigate a resolution in these unsafe relationships.

A bully is someone who:

• will meet their own (felt) needs first--at the expense of another. 
• wants to make someone else feel like a loser.  
• sniffs out a personal weakness--and takes advantage of it--for their own sense of power, control, or mis-guided need to dominate.
• is not safe--in the ways of love.

Bullying is not going to go away because we say we won't tolerate bullying. A lack of tolerance is simply one more rule that bullies aren't going to follow.  

Join Janet and Doug in this powerful episode about the antidote to bullying--and help your family become a safe place to heal and find real help.  This episode offers these TAKE AWAYS:

• Letting the love of God and others extinguish our shame stories is a vital step in a life lived unaffected by bullies.  Living in shame is a key indicator of a bully--and often, as a victim of a bully.
• Building safe relationships of trust is a vital step, too.  We need safe relationships that will offer us the unconditional love that protects us from lies and shame--and helps us live in truth and love.
• "Uncomfortable" is no more a key indicator of bondage--than "comfortable" is a key indicator of freedom.  Manipulation can seem comfortable because it seems right that the equation balances.  "I'm willing to earn what I need from you in relationship," is a toxic thought.  God's love is unconditional because we all need more than we can ever earn.  Trusting unconditional love is often very uncomfortable--and it is the only path to freedom.

This resource is mentioned in this episode:  Bill Tell's book, Lay It Down:  Living In The Freedom of the Gospel.  You can find this book here: https://smile.amazon.com/Lay-Down-Living-Freedom-Gospel/

Follow this link to listen now.  Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends or small group.  Together, there is great hope.

We went to a wedding--and started remembering our own wedding stories.  Between the two of us, we have six of our own wedding stories. Six times we've stood at an altar with great expectations.  

As we talked, we realized that all wedding stories are not love stories.  Some wedding stories are shame stories.  Marriage can be a love story or a shame story, too. Love stories are NOT characterized by perfection. They are characterized by freedom, protection, truth, and strength.  Shame stories are characterized by at least one of these ways of relating:  control, manipulation, fear, and lies.

There is great hope!  Shame stories can become love stories.  Join us on this episode as we talk vulnerably about the stories we tell ourselves--and share the hope of BRAVE LOVE.  

We offer these key ideas as TAKE AWAYS:

• Grace changes everything about weddings and marriage.  There's no such thing as earning God's love--or anyone else's.
• Trust is the door that opens that lets love in.  Trust isn't earned; it's a gift.  Trust is built intentionally--not in our perfect behavior--but in all the ways we own the impact and influence of our choices in each other's lives.
• Grace always expresses itself in love.  Love is a process of meeting real needs.  Grace is always safe and never soft.  Love wants to protect us from living with the lies that we're tempted to believe--or in our shame stories.

We mention these resources in this episode:

"The Cure" (book)

https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-What-isnt-think-neither/dp/1934104086/

The Brooks at Weatherford (wedding venue)

https://thebrooksatweatherford.com/

Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends--and your spouse.  We'd love to hear from you.  Send your questions for the BRAVE LOVE podcast to [email protected]

A comedy (in literature) is amusing--and has a cheerful and successful ending.  It has a happy conclusion--not because everything was perfect, but because there is a triumph over unpleasant circumstances.

A tragedy happens when the main character is brought to ruin--or suffers extreme sorrow--as a consequence of a tragic flaw, moral weakness, or inability to cope with unfavorable circumstances.

The common theme in both story lines is unpleasant or unfavorable circumstances.

The determining factor--between a cheerful and successful vacation--is not perfect circumstances or perfectly met expectations.  It's the way we respond to chaos when it happens--because it will.

Join us on this new episode--and enjoy Doug's great sense of humor. lol! 

We'll share these key TAKE AWAYS to help you find great fun in your family vacation:

• Family vacations are simply a time period when everything that's real about relationships in your family gets magnified.  What if this summer's vacation magnifies a better way to respond to chaos?
• Our dream is often that vacation will be an escape from reality, but reality always goes with us.  What is often real isn't always true.  What if the truth your family experiences on vacation this year is that each of you really care about each other?
• Perfection isn't the goal.  Reconnection is the goal.  Reconnecting doesn't mean problems aren't real and feelings aren't hurt.  Reconnecting means I care about you--and the problems aren't going to come between us in relationship.

Follow this link to listen now--and to subscribe.  Thank you for sharing it with your friends.  Maybe you're going on a "Girl's Vacation" or a "Guy Trip."  The ideas in this episode can help ensure your time together is a comedy--instead of a tragedy.

We mention these books in this episode:

Magnolia Table:  A Collection of Recipes For Gathering

https://smile.amazon.com/Magnolia-Table-Collection-Recipes-Gathering/dp/006282015X/

The Cure & Parents

https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-Parents-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104094/

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Real Learning

https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Together, there is great hope.

Time is our most valuable resource.  If we waste money, we can earn more.  But, we don't get any more time because we waste it. Summer time is often like winning the lottery for our kids--all of a sudden they have almost limitless time!

How does your family spend time?  Just like money, there is a real need for guidelines--based on principles and mature leadership.   

When we try to manage our children's time, they often feel resentful.  Sometimes requiring them to earn time--to do what they want--is a battle.  Tomorrow, children wake up needing to earn all over again.  Summer becomes a lifestyle of earning and deserving.  Parents too often play the role of tyrant landlords--and the kids are often immature wage earners.  

Join us on this episode to consider some new ideas about living a brave love life with your family this summer--and spending time in ways that pay big dividends, instead of ways that require writing out lease agreements for smart phones, Minecraft, or Fortnite.

We offer these TAKE AWAYS about organizing summer time:

• The tug of war for control--based on my wants and expectations and your wants and expectations is a poor plan for summer.  It lands us in a dangerous place for navigating relationships.
• What is going to be our plan for the summer?  Is it going to be a plan to navigate our disagreements in order to get what we want?  Or are we going to develop habits in relationships based on principles, instead of based on managing crisis?
• Parents--a key need for our children this summer is leadership; they don't just need a system.  We get this key responsibility and this great privilege.  Brave Love parenting is leadership--not simply management.

Follow this link to listen now--and find links to subscribe.  Thank you for sharing this episode on social media and with your friends.  Sharing Brave Love can change the world, one relationship at a time.  There is great hope.

We mention this resource in this episode:  The Advantage by Patrick Lencioni

https://smile.amazon.com/Advantage-Organizational-Health-Everything-Business/dp/0470941529/

This previous episode is helpful when talking with our children (and ourselves!) about dealing with emotions:  https://janetnewberry.com/what-do-we-do-with-emotions-at-home-part-1/

We almost titled this episode, "Is there any such thing as 'good grief?'"

Rowdy was the best dog ever.  He was a rescue dog that rescued us more than 14 years ago.  He has been a part of every day in our "Living in Freedom" Airstream story--traveling with us from coast to coast.  We said, "Good-bye" to Rowdy, just a few days ago--and we are so very sad.

Join us on this episode as we talk about sadness and grief--and some of the ways we're dealing with our sadness.  You'll discover some practical ideas that are helping us heal our broken hearts.

This episode offers these TAKE AWAYS:

• Our behavior is not supposed to be led by our emotions.  This is one symptom of mental illness.  This is also a symptom of a society being led by the people triggering our emotions.
• We get to help our children fully experience their emotions--and resolve them.  One invitation we can offer our children is to take a walk in nature.  Nature teaches us that life by design is a cycle--and death brings life.  This is our great hope.
• Emotional fluency is a key indicator of mental health.  Emotional fluency means learning to return to joy from every unpleasant emotion--and when I can, I can help someone else return to joy from every unpleasant emotion.

We define joy as "it's good to be me, here with you."  In times of delight--it's good to be me, here with you.  In times of real sadness--it's good to be me, here with you.  Your love is part of our healing process.  Experiencing each other's love is a vital part of emotional healing.  We are so very thankful for the love of our friends during our experience of sadness.  

Follow this link to listen now--or subscribe on your favorite podcast provider.  Share this episode with your friends.  Together, there is great hope.  

Loving bravely,

Janet and Doug