LOVE IS FEARLESS

Our children mess up--a lot!  What if, as parents, we didn't aim at the target of perfection with our children?  What if we aimed at the target of maturity?  What if we were more concerned with them missing out than messing up?

Join Janet and Doug on this episode, and spend some time with these questions when your child is struggling:

• Is what you're offering your child in their struggle going to leave them better than you found them?
• Will it help them discover who they are--as a person?
• Will it help them discover the power of trust and love in relationship?

Listen now--and subscribe! There is great hope!

Chad Belew is pastor of The Arsenal in San Antonio, Texas.  He's passionate about the original good news. And like most young fathers, he sometimes struggles as a parent. Doug and Janet enjoy hosting him as the first guest on the BRAVE LOVE podcast.

Listen to the authentic (and humorous) conversation, and find hope in these take aways:

• The Gospel really is good news--and this good news can be very difficult to apply in real relationships...especially parenting.  We need each other.
• Transparency isn't the same as vulnerability.  Admitting our struggle is step one.  Asking for help is where love finds power and practicality.
• Permission happens when we trust another in an area where we're weak and someone else is strong.  We are given a chance to grow up in these safe relationships.

Join us on this episode--and subscribe.  There is great hope!

This week's episode continues to look truthfully at the power of love and fear--and asks which power are we attaching to the consequences we're giving our children?  "They say" give our kids a consequence of "no screen time."  Brave Love says "screen time" isn't always love--and I don't want to give you what you want, if it's not what you need to grow up.

Janet and Doug offer these BRAVE LOVE take aways:

• Look up, child!  Your integrity is more important than your compliance.
• Look up, child!  As a parent, I want to help you in love, not make you afraid.
• Look up, child!  Struggle is a normal part of growing up.  We need each other more than prizes--to build character in times of struggle.

Join us on this episode...and to subscribe, too!  There is great hope. 

We can get tangled up in trusting relationships when we use consequences to manipulate --instead of offering the love that lends strength and that separates truth from lies.  Consequences may punish, but love both sets boundaries and gives our kids what they need to grow up.

Doug and Janet offer these acronyms for parents helping children grow up--instead of simply comply:

• "A before B"  Our children need love (Attention, Acceptance, & Affirmation) BEFORE they Behave or misBehave.  Love offers to help--especially in the ways we know our children are weak.
• "T after C"  Consequences happen, naturally.  Brave love reminds our children about the Truth of their identity, and unplugs shame from the reality of natural consequences.
• "L in the middle" Misbehavior damages trust in relationships.  Brave Love offers restoration in relationships.

Join us in this powerful and perspective changing episode. There is great hope.

Struggle is a part of real life--by design.  But it has no "good" place in a performance-obsessed culture.  Our homes can be places where it's safe to struggle well--and grow up.

BRAVE LOVE offers these ideas in this episode:

• By design, we are created to find our deepest satisfaction by contributing, rather than consuming.
• By design, struggle is a place we're created to connect and find love, instead of disconnect because we are afraid.
• By design, our homes are created to be safe places of work, struggle, leisure, rest, & fun!

There is great hope!

• By design, we are contributors.  By default, we are consumers.  We are created to respond, not earn in relationships.
• Disconnect struggle from shame, not from personal responsibility.  Real responsibility is a part of living in our true identity.
• Transactional relationships put joy/happiness/contentment in the future--when I get.  Transformational relationships remind me that I have what I need--right now. 

• Seek out relationships for yourself as a parent that are not transactional.  In transformational relationships we get because we need, not because we do.
• As a parent, your identity is not at stake when your children struggle.  Love disconnects struggle from shame.
• Relationships at home are toxic when they are transactional and healthy when they are transformational.

Use this link to join us on this episode. There is great hope!

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When unpleasant emotions combine with oxytocin (the love hormone) our children learn to process and digest their feelings--and return to joy.  When unpleasant emotions combine with cortisol (the fear hormone) our children experience "fight or flight"--and relationships get messy.  

BRAVE LOVE offers these ideas to share with our children:

1. Emotions are very real, and they don't always tell us the truth.  They are important "passengers," and poor "drivers."
2. It's not good to be alone with our emotions.  We need trusting relationships to protect us.
3. "Get it out, don't live it out."  Our children need safe, mature relationships--not just echo chambers.

Use this link to join us on this episode. There is great hope!

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• The decision to hide or deny an uncomfortable emotion is a decision to miss out on good feelings, too.
• Joy is not happiness.  When we are relationally healthy, joy is our normal state.
• Maybe losing it is really finding it in mature safe relationships.  Let's tell our children!

Use this link to join us on this episode. There is great hope!

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Every family has to crawl through a small window of time on school days.  Because time is a hard boundary, families have an opportuntity to navigate mornings together in a way that sends kids to school with their real needs met, instead of just with their clothes on and their teeth brushed. A new FREE RESOURCE is available to help you experience Good Mornings! at your house.  https://janetnewberry.com/free-resources/

Janet and Doug offer these BRAVE LOVE ideas:

• Behavior is always the mirror of belief.  Your child’s behavior tells you what they are believing to be true about themselves and about their place in the family.  Parents can provide kids a culture at home based on truth, rather than emotions or cultural norms.
• We are all in the process of growing up—and we all wake up every day with real needs for love.  Our children can’t mature beyond our level of immaturity.  Love helps us grow up, too!  Love is the fuel of maturity.
• Love gives us the strength to do the thing that is true about us.  When we know who we are as a family, love helps us act like our true selves.

Use this link to join us on this episode. There is great hope!

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Android